


Talk to Me

by FckDrarry



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Self-Harm, selective mutism, super fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3522770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FckDrarry/pseuds/FckDrarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hummel doesn't talk. He hasn't in years. When he transfers to Dalton Academy for his senior year, Blaine Anderson, his roommate, vows to change that.<br/>In which Kurt has selective mutism<br/>Klaine! Very angsty<br/>*Triggers for rape and self-harm*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first Klaine fanfictions. I will do my best to post frequently! If I need to, I will have my friends force me to sit at my laptop and write this. I LIVE for comments!  
> WARNINGS: rape, cutting  
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the boys. If I did, they'd have been married 100 years ago.

  1. I am SO, SO, SO, incredibly sorry that I abandoned this. I pinky promise (pinky promises are SUPER serious!) that I will NEVER do that again, and even if I have to get someone to force my hands to type out a chapter, IT WILL HAPPEN. I WILL FINISH THIS. I’m going to leave the original up just so I can see what I did originally, but I will no longer add new chapters to that.

  2. I was on my Darren/Chris/Klaine blog (which you can find [here](cryingbecausedarrencriss.tumblr.com)), and I saw the link to my ff.net and Scarves and Coffee accounts, so I clicked on them and found this story and decided, hey what the heck, I’ll give it a shot.

  3. I’m hoping this is much better than the first version. The chapters will be longer and I’m changing the point of view to 3rd person instead of first, which will hopefully make it easier for me to write.

  4. _Thoughts and flashbacks are italicized_. **Whiteboard writing is in bold.**




DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Glee characters, nor do I claim any right to them. If I did, Klaine would have been married 100 years ago.

WARNINGS: self-harm, rape/violence, language. IF ANY OF THESE THINGS TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE TURN BACK NOW.

Reviews are my life!!!!

-/-

Kurt sighs, throwing his bags onto his new bed. Kurt had recently transferred to Dalton Academy for Boys because his father had discovered information about Kurt being bullied at McKinley. After researching, Burt found that Dalton had a zero-tolerance bullying policy and knew it would be the perfect match for his son. He knew that Kurt was skeptical to go because he didn’t trust the zero-tolerance policy. Kurt didn’t trust anyone these days, and Burt was still trying to figure out why. He knew that being bullied had major effects on someone’s self-esteem, but surely Kurt couldn’t have let the bullying affect him as much as it seems. Burt doesn’t understand how Kurt went from cool, calm, and confident, to shaky, jumpy, and silent in what seemed like a day. Burt hopes that Dalton will do his son some good and help him get over his past and hopefully start trusting people again, at least enough so that he can say a few words.

Kurt hasn’t talked in almost four years. Ever since his freshman year of high school, Kurt hasn’t been the same. His father knows that he should have been more astute to what Kurt was going through, but he thought Kurt’s silence was just some form of teenage rebellion, never something as serious as the bullying Kurt was enduring. Burt blames himself everyday for what happened to Kurt at McKinley and knows that if only he was more observant he could have helped Kurt much more.

Kurt looks around his new living area, evaluating the quality of his dorm room. There are two beds on opposite sides from one another and two wardrobes next to each bed, along with two nightstands and lamps. Kurt is pleased to discover that an en suite bathroom is included in his new housing, even though he’s not so enthused about having to share with his roommate. Kurt tried to convince Dalton’s head of housing to let him have a single room, but they said he was required to share. He’s pretty sure his dad told them not to let him have a single room; he probably thinks it will help Kurt ‘heal’ or whatever. It will take a lot more than some roommate to help Kurt get over what happened to him. Kurt knows he can’t get angry at his father, though. He knows how much Burt loves him and tries to be a part of his life; it’s just that Kurt can’t let anyone get close. He knows that he lets someone get close he’ll end up saying too much and then he’ll get hurt, or worse, the people he loves will get hurt.

Kurt knows he should probably tell his dad about what happened, but he can’t. Kurt hasn’t talked to anyone since… the incident, and he knows he can’t start now. He feels tears come to his eyes just thinking about it, but quickly blinks them and the negative thoughts away before he feels even worse. It’s a good thing, too, because just then, Kurt hears the door open and sees a boy around his age enter.

Kurt is stunned at how beautiful the boy looks. With his chocolate hair and his golden hazel eyes, strong jaw with a hint of stubble, warm enticing lips… “Oh, uh, hey… I’m Blaine Anderson,” the boy, Blaine, says, looking at Kurt warmly, holding out his hand for Kurt to shake, which he does. “You must be my new roommate.” Blaine smiles sincerely at Kurt, making him nervous, though he doesn’t know why.

Kurt nods and pulls out his whiteboard, what he’s been using to communicate with for four years. He writes **I’m Kurt Hummel** on the whiteboard, and Blaine furrows his eyebrows, confused. Kurt sighs, feeling awkward and put down. Now his new roommate probably thinks he’s a freak. ‘ _Great way to start at a new school, Kurt_ ,’ he thinks sarcastically to himself. He turns to unpack some of his clothes before Blaine speaks again.

“I see you’ve found your side of the room,” he says with an amicable laugh. Kurt smiles a little, but his head is still clouded with self deprecating thoughts. “Um, forgive me for asking, but I’m guessing you don’t, uh… talk?” Blaine says, with a questioning lilt in his voice.

Kurt nods and writes on his board, **Sorry**. He finishes putting all of this clothes in his dresser and takes out his laptop and books out of his bag, setting them on his bed. He picks up a picture of his mother, father, and him from when he was younger and fondly sets it on his nightstand, next to the lamp.

“No worries,” Blaine responds with a smile. Kurt feels slightly better about himself and sits on his bed, looking up at Blaine calculatingly.

Kurt wonders what type of person Blaine is like. Is he putting up a front so that Kurt feels like he can trust Blaine? Is he going to turn out exactly like all of Kurt’s other friends when they learned that keeping up a relationship with him was just too difficult? Or is Blaine actually trustworthy? Kurt doesn’t know, but decides not to focus on those thoughts for now.

“So, new school, huh?” Blaine asks, a little awkwardly. Kurt just nods, opening up his laptop and pulling up Youtube. “I’m not gonna get much out of you, am I?” Kurt smiles a little, albeit slightly mysteriously, at this question and puts his ear buds in his ears, drowning out the world with Sutton Foster and Sierra Boggess.

-/-

    As soon as Blaine walks into his dorm room and sees Kurt, he knows there’s something different about him. Maybe it’s the way he tensed up as if frightened when Blaine first walked into the room, or the shadows under his eyes, or the way even though Blaine knows he’s broken, Kurt is still the most beautiful boy he has ever seen.

    When Kurt starts writing on his whiteboard, Blaine knows that it’s going to be an interesting year. He’s not judging Kurt at all, quite the contrary. Just from what Blaine has seen from Kurt he knows that he’s been through a lot. Anyone would be able to see the walls Kurt has built up around himself.

    Maybe it’s the way Kurt looks hopeful every time Blaine says something nice to him, or the Broadway music Blaine can hear coming out of his ear buds, or the way he looked so lovingly at the picture he put on his nightstand, but Blaine knows that there’s more to Kurt than meets the eye. Blaine doesn’t know why, but he wants to get to know Kurt Hummel better. He wants to be able to help Kurt in any way he can, be that just help transitioning from school to school or more personal issues, Blaine knows that he wants to figure out the mystery of Kurt Hummel.

-/-

    Kurt looks up from his laptop after about a half-hour of listening to music and sees that Blaine fell asleep reading some book called amazing, Grace. Kurt zones out thinking about the conversation he had with Blaine earlier.

    It was almost like Blaine actually cared about him, actually liked him. Kurt knows he needs to stop thinking like this, no one cares about him. He’s a worthless, unloved freak and the faster he gets that through his mind the better off he will be. This doesn’t stop Kurt from imagining though, what it would be like, if he could actually let himself care for Blaine. Kurt can’t stop himself from thinking about it, about what would happen if he cared about Blaine and Blaine cared about him. It’s like he can almost see them cuddling and kissing and singing duets together.

    Kurt is shocked out of his thoughts by a new voice in his head, one that is hard and cold and unforgiving. “You know that’s never going to happen, fag. You’re just some freak. No one will ever love you, homo.” Kurt knows the words he’s hearing, imagining really, are true. And before Kurt knows it, before he can stop himself, he’s spiralling into a flashback, unable to stop his rampaging mind.

    _“Don’t push me!” the hulking jock screams at Kurt._

_“And what if I do? What are you going to do? Hit me? Go ahead, you can’t beat the gay out of me no more than I can’t beat the ignoramus out of you!” Kurt immediately regrets his words as he sees the looming jock grow even angrier. What happens next is like slow motion to Kurt._

_Karofsky moves closer. He licks his lips as if anticipating something, or preparing them for something. He grasps Kurt’s head in his big, meaty hands and pushes forward. He kisses and unwilling Kurt with ferocity that even the frightened diva didn’t know he had in him. He tries to slither his tongue into Kurt’s mouth, but Kurt pushes away from him._

_“Get the hell away from me!” Kurt yells, hugging himself protectively, even though he knows it will do nothing to get away from the jock before him. Kurt is confused and hurt and curious and devastated and traumatized and so caught up in the thoughts and emotions swirling like a storm up in his head that he didn’t anticipate Karofsky’s next move._

_The beefy hands are back, pushing Kurt’s face closer to Karofsky’s. The unfamiliar tongue is forcing itself into Kurt’s mouth. Kurt bites down, trying to make the enraged teen stop, but it just makes Karofsky angrier. He pushes Kurt down with a force Kurt was surprised he even had. Kurt’s knees are digging into the locker room floor painfully, face pressed up against the dirty tiles._

_Tears start streaming down Kurt’s face, mixing in with the dirt and dust from the floor. ‘Please let this be a dream. Please, please, please let this be a dream,’ Kurt prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that this is a dream, that what’s happening to him isn’t real, that any second now he’ll just wake up in his bed with this nasty world behind him._

_As Karofsky’s disgusting lips continue their assault on Kurt’s neck, he knows that he’s not dreaming. This is real life, and Kurt is living a nightmare._

_The hands are back and they’re pulling at Kurt’s shirt, lifting it above his head. He can feel the cold tile against his bare skin, digging into his stomach at the awkward angle he was pushed down at. “Please, Dave, stop. You don’t have to do this,” Kurt pleads through his tears, trying to convince the jock to have some mercy._

_“You brought this on yourself, bitch. I told you not to push me,” Karofsky pulls the rest of Kurt’s clothes off roughly, leaving Kurt whimpering on the floor. “You’re such a slut for my cock aren’t you?” Kurt notices that Karofsky pulls his shirt off and tries to scurry away, but Karofsky kicks him in the ribs to get him to stay._

_“Such a pretty little slut,” Karofsky says, placing unwanted kisses on Kurt’s shoulders and back, retreating lower and lower with each word. He spreads Kurt’s cheeks and unforgivingly thrusts a thick finger into Kurt, making him cry out in pain._

_“Please, stop it! Stop, you’re hurting me, please!” Kurt cries, whimpering as the jock gets rougher and faster, adding a second finger. Kurt knows it’s no use pleading for the monster to stop, but he still knows he has to try. Kurt screams and yells his voice hoarse while Karofsky has his way with him._

_After adding a third finger, Karofsky thrusts himself into Kurt’s body, grunting and groaning like an animal getting off. “You feel so good, my little slut,” Karofsky whispers as he slams into Kurt’s tiny body again and again._

_Kurt feels like his entire body is being torn in two. He can’t believe this is happening to him, but know that it’s real because of how much it hurts. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the way Karofsky’s fingers grasp his hips hard, no doubt leaving finger shaped bruises for later, the hard, unforgiving thrusts of the boy as he nears his climax, unsteady and rough, the way his breath smells as he leans in to whisper obscene things into Kurt’s ear._

_“You know you love this, fag. You’ve been begging me to fuck you like this all year,” Karofsky says, thrusts getting more sporadic. He thrusts harder and harder, faster and faster until he finally shouts into the empty locker room and fills Kurt with his climax. He pulls out of the smaller boy and pulls on his clothing, leaving a bruised and battered Kurt in a heaping mess of sweat, cum, and blood on the dirty locker room floor._

_Kurt looks around and is surprised and scared when he sees Karofsky’s face impending on his own. The last words Kurt remembers hearing him say are, “Tell anyone about this, and I will kill you.”_

Kurt snaps out of his flashback with a gasp, running to his en suite bathroom with tears streaming down his face. He throws up in the toilet before looking up at himself in the mirror. His face is red and puffy from crying and his eyes look big and round and scared. “ _Pull yourself together, Kurt_ ,” he internally tells himself, willing the tears to stop flowing from his eyes.

He pulls out his bag of toiletries and take out his razor. Quickly disassembling it, Kurt extracts the individual blades from the unused shaving tool. He lifts up his sleeve to see an arm littered with scars of all different shapes, sizes, and colors varying on age. He quickly brings the blade down to his arm, slicing with practiced ease. He pushes and pulls and tugs on the delicate skin of his left wrist and forearm many times before leaning back on the wall and exhaling.

Kurt watches the deep red blood flow from the self-inflicted wounds on his arm, feeling the blood cool as it drips down his arm over his hand and onto the sink. Kurt can feel his relief as he cuts, all of his troubles flowing away with the blood streaming out of his injuries. He wraps a piece of toilet paper over his cuts before assessing his wounds. He quickly examines them and decides that he doesn’t need any more medical equipment than a few band-aids for his ‘deeper’ cuts. He quickly cleans himself and the surrounding area before brushing his teeth and walking out of the bathroom.

Kurt notices Blaine is no longer in the room and after checking the clock, he sees that it’s around dinner time and assumes that’s where his roommate must be. He sits down on his bed, pressing his hand into the newly inflicted wounds, reveling in the slight pain it brings him. Kurt thinks about the first time he cut, around sophomore year. It was just with the blade from a pencil sharpener, and he didn’t really think it would work. He’d heard about people cutting themselves to make themselves feel better from TV, and he’d never really known why until he’d done it himself. Ever since that first time, experimentally dragging weirdly angled blade onto his wrist, he was hooked. And it helps him, or at least Kurt thinks it helps him.

Kurt gets up and quickly changes into pajamas, deciding to turn in early because of the stressful day. He lays in bed and hopes he can get a nice, dreamless sleep.

-/-

    Kurt wakes up the next day, surprisingly naturally and not from a nightmare. He sees that Blaine is already up and gives him a small smile. “Good morning, Kurt,” Blaine smiles brightly at Kurt, obviously a morning person. “Ready for your first day of classes?”

    Kurt panics, remembering classes. “ _How could you have forgotten?! You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for school_ ,” Kurt mentally reprimands himself. He rushes into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

    Kurt hates how he looks. Believing himself to be hideous because of what Karofsky and his goons used to tell him everyday, Kurt is very self-conscious about his looks and his body. “ _God, I’m barely even a guy. Just look at me. My nose is too thin, my lips are too feminine, my eyes are too far apart, my hips are too wide, my hair is too girly, my stomach is too thin, but my thighs are too fat. I just can’t win_ ,” Kurt breaks out of his detrimental thoughts to worry his lower lip with his teeth and think about just what to do with his hair.

    He hadn’t bothered doing anything with his hair yesterday, which Kurt is not regretting as his hair is limp and lifeless. He decides to go for an understated look but still gives his hair a little coif to it. He dabs some concealer under his eyes to make himself look like a healthy, happy teen and practices his fake smile in the mirror before going out and greeting Blaine.

    As Kurt walks out of the bathroom, Blaine smiles at him and says, “You’re a senior, right?” Kurt nods, which makes Blaine smile even bigger and brighter. “I am, too. Let me see your schedule so we can compare classes.”

    Kurt hands Blaine his schedule, Blaine gives it a quick once-over and says, “We have two classes together. English and Music Composition. English is first period so I can walk you there, if you want.” Kurt nods, glad to be offered help on his first day. “I’ll get one of my friends in the rest of your classes to walk you around and show you the rest of the building, if that’s okay with you.” Kurt quickly nods again, feeling uncomfortable about meeting new people but not wanting to get on Blaine’s bad side so quickly. “Great!” Blaine says with a smile.

    Blaine leads Kurt to their English class, which is taught by an elderly woman who looks rather stern. Blaine sits down in a desk in the front row of the classroom. Kurt awkwardly stands by the teacher, Mrs. Cameron, waiting for her to notice him and tell him what to do. Kurt’s anxiety grows as more and more boys pile into the classroom, sitting down and creating a loud din of constant noise before class starts.

    Sensing Kurt’s anxiety, Blaine stands up and winks at Kurt before addressing Mrs. Cameron. “Excuse us, Mrs. Cameron,” Blaine says, charmingly. “This is Kurt, a new student. He… uh, he doesn’t talk.”

    “Ah, yes… Kurt,” Mrs. Cameron looks Kurt over before going on. “I am aware of his… circumstances.” Mrs. Cameron scowls at the last word, making Kurt feel humiliated and terrible.

“Great,” he thinks. “Already one teacher hates me because I’m such a freak.”

Mrs. Cameron gets the class’ attention quickly and easily before introducing Kurt. “Everyone,” she says in a grating, sand-papery voice, “This is Kurt Hummel, a new transfer student from…”

She looks at Kurt expectantly, making everyone else focus their attention on Kurt and making him feel extremely awkward. He quickly writes out **McKinley** and Mrs. Cameron finishes her introduction. Kurt notices a few odd looks he gets from students, but not too many, which surprises him. Mrs. Cameron tells him he can sit next to Blaine, so he does.

Blaine quickly starts talking to Kurt again, introducing him to the boy sitting next to him. “Hi, I’m Trent,” the boy says, holding out his hand for Kurt to shake, much like Blaine did yesterday. Kurt writes his name in introduction on his whiteboard and Trent moves on. “I’m in the Warblers with Blaine.”

“That’s our school’s a cappella singing group. We go to competitions and stuff. We might even make it to Nationals this year,” Blaine says, smiling widely and excitedly. Kurt is reminded of when he used to do glee club at McKinley, before the bullying got too bad and he had to quit.

Trent then takes Kurt’s schedule and declares the he and Kurt have all of their classes together except music comp. Kurt can live with that. So far Trent seems like a nice guy, and if Blaine likes him, Kurt can too, right?

-/-

    The rest of the day passes by uneventfully until Blaine asks Kurt if he would like to have dinner with him. Kurt agrees and both he and Blaine are soon seated at a table full of boys who introduce themselves as the Warblers, Wes, Nick, Jeff, Thad, David, and Sebastian. Trent, who had led Kurt around all day, is there as well.

    Kurt waves as Blaine introduces him and Thad says, “You’re that kid that doesn’t talk.” Kurt tenses up a little, but figure the boy meant no harm by it and was just trying to understand. Kurt shrugs and takes a bite of his spaghetti and meatballs, even though he isn’t really all that hungry.

    The one that Kurt is pretty sure is Sebastian pipes up next. “Why don’t you talk?” Kurt lowers his eyes and blushes, trying to shrink in on himself and make himself as small as possible, not saying anything.

    “Sebastian, don’t you think that was a little personal?” Blaine asks from next to Kurt, a hint of anger in his voice. Kurt smiles a little and feels better that Blaine is on his side. He really hopes that Blaine is someone he can trust, and not someone who will just devastate and hurt him like everyone else has.

    “No. If the freak doesn’t wanna talk, then he should at least have the decency to tell us why,” Sebastian says, glaring at Kurt, venom spewing out of his mouth through his words. “I mean, you really can’t just not say anything and expect us all to accept it without thinking you belong in the loony bin.” The table grows silent and tense as all the Warbler boys look at Kurt. He can feel Blaine grow angrier next to him, but doesn’t look up or write anything on his whiteboard.

    “He’s obviously psycho, guys,” Sebastian addresses the group this time. “I don’t know why you’re sympathizing with him.” Tears start to form in Kurt’s eyes, which Sebastian notices. “Oh, the little freak’s gonna cry now. Just go cry to your mommy and daddy, see how they enjoy your silence.” Sebastian leans back, smug meerkat face just daring anyone to say anything.

    With Sebastian’s last words, Kurt runs out of the dining room, tears steadily flowing down his face. He knows that every word Sebastian said was true. He was crazy. He did belong in a loony bin. He was a freak. Karofsky knew it, and now Sebastian does, too.

    Kurt runs to his room, surprising himself with his ability to find it through his tears. He throws himself on his bed, pulling the covers around himself in the fetal position. Tears wrack his body as Sebastian’s and Karofsky’s voices create a cacophony of horror in his head.

Kurt doesn’t stop crying when he hears Blaine walk into the room, not even when he feels Blaine’s weight on the other side of the bed. He hears a quiet, “Oh, Kurt,” emitted from Blaine and all he wants is to be wrapped up in those arms and comforted by that voice. He doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t know how he trusts Blaine so quickly, but all Kurt knows is that he needs to be embraced my someone. So he turns himself around and throws himself onto Blaine, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s firm waist, nuzzling his face into Blaine’s chest and sobbing.

-/-

“Jesus, Sebastian, what the hell was that for?!” Blaine yells, jumping out of his seat after Kurt exits the dining room. Blaine is furious at the way Sebastian treated Kurt. He had no right to assume things about Kurt and call him those things, especially in front of the poor boy.

“He’s a freak, Blaine!” Sebastian says, smirking and leaning back in his chair proudly. “Surely you have to see that.”

“No, I don’t Sebastian, and I don’t think anyone else here sees that either,” Blaine says scowling furiously at the meerkat.

“What kind of person doesn’t talk?” Sebastian asks, incredulously. He stands up and walks over to Blaine’s side of the table, beginning to grow angrier as well.

“Someone who has been hurt, Sebastian. Did you ever stop to realize that something could have happened to him that made him this way?! People don’t just stop talking for random reasons, and you were way out of line! Don’t you ever talk to him like that again, Sebastian, or you will pay,” Blaine threatens seriously, intimidating Sebastian a little, but not enough to actually get him to worry.

Blaine furiously stalks out of the dining room and goes back to his dorm, finding Kurt in the fetal position buried under his bed covers, heart wrenching sobs coming from the boy. “Oh, Kurt,” Blaine says, sadly, sitting on his bed. There’s nothing Blaine wants more than to wrap his arms around Kurt and tell him everything will be okay, but he doesn’t want to make his new roommate any more uncomfortable.

Before Blaine can think of anything else to say, however, Kurt is throwing himself at the brunette, surprising him. After Kurt gets himself situated with his arms around Blaine’s waist and his head buried in Blaine’s chest, Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt, comforting him. “Shh, Kurt, it’s okay. I’m here, shh.”

This is the defining moment for Blaine. He knows that at some point of another, he needs to get Kurt to open up to him. He needs to get the boy to trust someone, for what Kurt is doing now can’t be healthy.

Blaine can still feel how tense Kurt is, so he decides to do something that always helps him when he’s feeling down. His mother and his brother used to sing for him all the time when he was sad, so Blaine decides that’s what he’s going to do for Kurt. After he sings the first few lines of “Teenage Dream,” Blaine is already beginning to feel Kurt loosen up a bit. He’s still steadily crying and holding onto Blaine’s shirt like it’s a lifeline, but his body begins to get less tense as the song nears completion. By the end of the song, Kurt’s sniffles are almost nonexistent and he’s not crying anymore.

Kurt gets off Blaine and pulls his knees up to his chest, grabbing his whiteboard and writing something. **Katy Perry, Blaine? Really?** Blaine sees a small smirk on the boys red, blotchy face and laughs.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Blaine says, smiling at Kurt. He hears Kurt laugh and looks at the boy, thinking about how truly beautiful Kurt really is. He’s gorgeous any day, but Kurt is especially gorgeous when he is laughing.

 **You have a beautiful voice** , Kurt writes on his whiteboard, smiling shyly at Blaine.

“I’m sure you do, too,” Blaine says, unthinking. Kurt tenses and starts turning away, but then Blaine says, “Oh, Kurt, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking, oh god, I’m so sorry,” Kurt stops Blaine from apologizing again by putting a soft hand on his shoulder. “Sorry,” Blaine says one more time, making Kurt let out a bubble of laughter. “I love your laugh,” Blaine says. “Sorry if I just made this awkward.”

 **You’re fine** , Kurt writes on his board, smiling at Blaine.

“Hey, Kurt?” Blaine says, cautiously, treading water so to say. “Why don’t you talk? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to… I just want you to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me; you can always come to me. I will never laugh at you or judge you in any way, I will just be supportive and caring towards you.”

 **It’s a long story, Blaine** , Kurt writes on his board, purposefully not looking at Blaine. **One that I’m not very fond of telling**.

Kurt looks up at Blaine with a frightened expression, so Blaine says, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. But if you ever want to tell someone, or feel like shit like you did just now, you can come to me.” Blaine smiles at Kurt, hoping the boy knows how truly honest he is being.

 **Okay… Thanks, Blaine** , Kurt smiles at Blaine, timidly, but knows that he can tell Blaine if he really wants to.

“So… you’re okay, right?” Blaine asks, still a little concerned for Kurt’s well-being.

 **Yeah, I’m fine Blaine**.

“Pinky promise?” Blaine says, holding out his pinky. He knows it’s kind of childish, but it’s another tradition he, his mother, and his brother, Cooper, would do when he was younger. Kurt links his pinky with Blaine and the boy smiles at him. Blaine gets up off the bed and checks the time. “Wow, Kurt, it’s already--” But when Blaine turns back to look at Kurt, the boy is already asleep.  

-/-

A/N: So, there’s the new and improved chapter! It’s quite longer than the first one. Okay, so I have a couple things to say:

  1. The book Blaine was reading, amazing, Grace is an actual book written by my drama teacher! It’s her first book and only $15 for a copy, $5 on a Kindle. You can find it [here](http://www.electiopublishing.com/index.php/bookstore#!/p/47704246) or on Amazon!

  2. If you or someone you know has ever gone through a situation like Kurt’s, PLEASE tell someone you trust that can get you help. I know it’s hard. I know it sucks, trust me. But it’s not healthy to keep something like that hidden away, and you’ll feel so much better after getting help. So please, don’t feel ashamed by it. It was not your fault, no matter how much you think it was or you think you deserved it. No one deserves something like that to happen to them. And, PLEASE, if reading this triggered you at all DO NOT read more. I will not be offended. Your well-being is more important than me getting views on my fic. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can go [here](http://www.7cupsoftea.com/) or you can message me on my [tumblr](http://ecstaticallyelectrifying.tumblr.com), and I will try to help you as best as I can.

  3. If you or someone you know is cutting themselves or injuring themselves in ANY WAY, please tell someone you trust that can get you help. I know it seems like it helps and you feel like you need to punish yourself or it distracts you from the actual pain or it brings you relief, IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Again, trust. You will be a much happier person if you stop. I know it’s hard, I know it’s an addiction, but you can do it. If reading that triggered you in any way, PLEASE stop reading. Once again, I WILL NOT be offended. Your well-being is more important than my views. And again, you can follow the links above if you ever need someone to talk to.

  4. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I seriously cannot tell you how happy I get when I see that people are actually reading my fics and when I get reviews. Please review, like, favorite, kudos, all that shit! I will LOVE YOU FOREVER! (I already do, but shhh…) I don’t know when the next chapter will come, but I promise this fic will never get abandoned again. I will have some of my friends force me to write if it comes to that. I promise I will finish it for you. And again, pretty please with cherries on top, review, favorite, follow, and all that ish! <3




	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello! I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. Some questions have arisen, so I will try my best here to answer them so you aren’t confused for the rest of the story.

  1. If the incident occurred during Kurt's freshman year, and it's now his senior year, wouldn't it have only been three years since he stopped talking, rather than four? 




Yes! I’m a dingus and can’t do basic math. Kurt has not spoken in 3 years, not 4.

      2)  Since it happened freshman year, I'm also curious as to when exactly during that year it         

           happened, because you mention Kurt being in Glee club before the bullying got too bad?

The first incident happened around November, long enough for Kurt to establish himself in glee. Also, the incident does happen more than once. I was going to get to this in later chapters, but it doesn’t really matter if I’m telling you now. I probably should have put it in the first chapter.

       3)  Why didn’t Burt send Kurt to therapy? Why did he take so long to transfer Kurt?

In my original story, Burt did send Kurt to therapy. I decided not to mention it in the revised version because I couldn’t fit it in with how I wanted to write it. Either way, Kurt stopped going to therapy because he wouldn’t open up enough to let it actually help him and he and his dad were having money issues. As I mentioned a little in the first chapter, Burt does think Kurt’s not talking is his way of being a rebellious teenager. He does not know about the bullying until he sees Kurt changing his shirt and notices the bruises on his back.

I hope this clears up any confusion! I will try to be clearer in the new chapters.

_ Flashbacks, thoughts, and dreams in italics _ .  ** Whiteboard writing in bold. **

Warnings for self-harm, rape, language, violence  


-/-

A unfamiliar whimpering noise awakens Blaine at three a.m. that night. He sits up in his bed confused before hearing more whimpering and seeing Kurt shift restlessly on the bed across from him. His whimpers grow louder and Blaine can tell that tears are streaming down Kurt’s face. He’s thrashing wildly in his bed, tangled in the covers. Blaine realizes his roommate must be having a nightmare and gets up to see if he can do anything to help. Blaine walks over to Kurt’s bed to see the boy curled up, protecting his body with his arms, a grimace on his face and a sheen glistening of sweat on his brow. He whimpers once again, and Blaine whispers, “Kurt, wake up, come on, Kurt, you’re okay, it’s just a nightmare.” Blaine gently nudges Kurt, trying to wake the boy up but does not want to frighten his roommate.

It takes Blaine five minutes before Kurt wakes with a start, wild, panicky eyes searching around the room. Kurt’s breathing is heavy and Blaine knows that he’s on the verge of some type of panic attack, as Blaine remembers those all too well from his own past. “It’s okay, Kurt, you’re okay. You’re at Dalton in our dorm. You’re safe,” Blaine says, reaching out to comfort Kurt, who winces at Blaine’s approaching arm, making the boy retreat.

It takes Kurt a while to calm down, but when he does, he writes,  ** I’m sorry. ** Blaine almost feels like his heart is actually breaking at the sight of the broken boy in front of him. Kurt is looking up at him with big, apologetic eyes and a guilty look on his face, and Blaine just wants to keep Kurt safe for the rest of his life.

“You don’t need to apologize, Kurt. It’s not your fault,” Blaine says, sitting on the bed next to Kurt. He knows that Kurt doesn’t believe him, which makes Blaine feel even worse. “Do you want to talk about it?” Blaine asks, trying to convey to Kurt that he just really wants to help him and that Kurt can trust him with anything.

Kurt shrugs and writes one word on his board.  ** Bullies ** . Blaine immediately understands and hangs his head, sadly. Blaine thinks of his own past and decides to tell Kurt. Blaine knows that if Kurt knows he’s not alone, he’ll feel much better and maybe he’ll open up a little more to Blaine, something the brunet is really hoping Kurt will do.

“I understand, Kurt,” Blaine says, looking up sorrowfully at Kurt. “I was bullied before I came to Dalton.” Kurt is surprised at this revelation, and the look on his face shows it clearly. Blaine smiles a bittersweet smile and starts to tell his story to Kurt.

“I’d never really fit in at my old school because I was gay. You know, kids would pick on me, tease, me, call me names. But I never really let it get to me, just had it flow over my head. I was a very optimistic person, still am, actually… So my school had this Sadie Hawkins dance, you know, where the girls ask the guys? Well, I knew no girl would ask me, so the only other out guy in the school and I… we decided to go together, just as friends. We just wanted to show everyone that tried to bring us down that we’re still standing strong and we have just as much right as them to do anything they can. And we had a great time… until after the dance.” Kurt scoots a little closer to Blaine, realizing that Blaine is getting a little emotional, as he can see tears welling up in the other boy’s eyes.

“While we were waiting for my dad to pick us up, some guys, I don’t even know their names, came up from behind us and beat the shit out of us. I still remember everything they said about me and how their kicks and punches felt. We both ended up having to go to the hospital… and Conner… Conner ended up with a permanently damaged brain he was hurt so badly. He and his parents moved after that, and I haven’t seen him since,” Blaine finishes the story with a few tears falling out of his eyes. Kurt rests his hand on Blaine’s shoulder, hoping the motion is a comforting one.

Blaine smiles at Kurt and wipes his eyes. Kurt doesn’t know what to do, so he just writes,  ** I’m sorry ** , on his board. Blaine moves a little closer to Kurt, hoping his presence is a comforting one.

“Don’t be sorry, Kurt. It made me stronger. Just like your bullies did to you. You’re strong, Kurt. Stronger than I’ve ever been.” Kurt smiles weakly at Blaine, disbelieving all of the kind words Blaine had just told him. Kurt knows he’s not strong. He’s week. If Kurt had been stronger he could have fought Karofsky off all those times. And he wouldn’t have to cut every time he feels terrible.

Kurt knows he shouldn’t do it. He knows that cutting is bad for him and that it’s addictive and that if he doesn’t watch out, one day he could end up doing god knows what to himself accidentally. But Kurt also knows that cutting helps him. It’s Kurt’s way of punishing himself for what happened with Karofsky and letting it happen countless times. It helps Kurt find relief in himself and helps him focus on the physical pain and distracts from his whirlwind emotions. And frankly, Kurt just doesn’t care enough about himself to stop.

Blaine gets up from Kurt’s bed after making sure that he’s okay. Kurt lets Blaine know he’s going to the bathroom and gets up. He looks at himself in the mirror and is immediately flooded with more feelings of self-hatred. His eyes are puffy and red from crying, his skin is blotchy and pale, and his hair is limp and lifeless. And to top it all off, Blaine, his stunningly gorgeous gay roommate, has seen him like this. Kurt doesn’t know if he wants to cut or cry. Probably both. 

He grabs his blade, hidden in an empty tissue box below his and Blaine’s bathroom sink. He knows it’s risky to cut when Blaine is right outside, probably still awake in their dorm room, but Kurt doesn’t care. He slashes his forearm, the opposite one from the day before, immediately feeling the relief from the blade. Kurt takes it slowly this time, reveling in the feel of the cool metal against his skin, loving the distraction he gets from watching his warm, red blood drip down his arm. He slits his wrist and forearms slowly, feeling the delicate pull of the blade through his skin, watching as the blood bubbles up and then leaves a trail of red liquid flowing down his arm. Kurt does this until he feels a little better and looks at himself again.

Though he didn’t think it possible, Kurt looks worse than he did before. He thinks about his nightmare, the scene replaying in his head.

_ “Hey, fag!” Kurt hears Karofsky’s voice yell from across the hall, and he immediately tenses. Kurt turns around and immediately feels intense cold seize his body. He wipes the freezing purple slushie from his eyes, expecting his tormentors to be gone. When Kurt opens his eyes again, however, Karofsky and his goons are still standing in front of him. “Could you guys just leave, please?” _

_ The group laughs and Kurt tries to make himself as small as possible against the lockers. “We haven’t even started, yet, fairy,” Azimio pipes up from his place next to Karofsky. And then all of a sudden, Kurt is pushed into his locker, falling to the ground, and there are feet kicking him in the ribs and stomach and head. He groans and tries to get up, but when one of Karofsky’s henchmen pushes him back down he just wraps his arms around himself and tries to protect his frail body. _

_ The group proceeds with their beating, punching and kicking and hitting Kurt until all they hear from him are faint groans and quiet whimpers and one, small “Please, stop.” Kurt can hear several of his bones crack, probably a few ribs and his wrist and nose may be broken. He hears laughter from above him and quietly thanks the heavens when he finally passes out. _

_ When Kurt wakes, he is in an unfamiliar bed. His legs are spread and tied to the bedposts, as well as his arms. He notices that he is naked, but nobody is in the room. He doesn’t dare make a sound that would alert his captors of his status of being awake. He struggles against the ropes, but they are tied too tightly for him to do anything. Kurt surveys the room he’s being kept in, while trying to figure out a way to break free from his captors.  _

_ For one, the bed is huge. The sheets are very smooth and silky, a very deep red color. The ceiling has three cracks in it, one breaking down the middle and two others running along one side. Kurt turns his head to see a nightstand with a lamp and an alarm clock on it, telling Kurt that it is ten past twelve a.m. He’s been asleep for seven hours. There are two doors, one probably leading to a different hallway, and the other possibly to a bathroom or closet. _

_ There’s a tiny window in one corner, but Kurt can’t see enough to be able to know where he is being held captive. The first door opens and Kurt tries pretending to be asleep, but the people who walked in have already noticed he’s awake. “Oh, Kurtie!” one of them says in a sing-song voice. Kurt knows it’s one of the neanderthals from his school, but had never bothered to learn his name. “Are you ready to have some fun?” _

_ Kurt grimaces and starts yelling, “Help me! Someone, please, I’ve been--” A hand covers his mouth before he can say anything else. A different football player, another mystery boy, gets in Kurt’s face and angrily spits at him. _

_ “Don’t scream for help, homo, or we’ll have to punish you,” the boy says, and Kurt can feel his breath against his cheek, can smell the boy’s odor permeating his space. “And trust me, you don’t want that.” The boy takes his hand off Kurt’s mouth and smiles wickedly, something Kurt had thought only really happened in movies. _

_ Azimio sets up a camera pointing right at Kurt. “If you do anything wrong, we’ll know, Kurt. We have the whole place wired, plus this handy thing,” he says, gesturing to the camera. “Karofsky, you know what to do.” _

_ Karofsky walks up to Kurt and hovers near him on the bed. He’d taken off his clothes, something Kurt hadn’t noticed as he was too busy being warned of punishment if he misbehaved. He starts struggling against the ropes and tries getting as far away from Karofsky as he can. “Don’t struggle, Kurt,” a neanderthal says, watching the scene play out beside the bed. “You’ll only make it worse for yourself.” _

_ Kurt stops tugging on the ropes as he knows it will be futile, especially with all of his attackers in one room. Kurt is humiliated as two more of the males start taking off their clothes and palming themselves, watching the scene play out. Karofsky starts kissing Kurt’s clavicle, leaving a trail of sloppy, wet hickies as he moves farther down. He grasps Kurt’s flaccid cock in one hand and then seems to get angry when Kurt doesn’t get excited. _

_ He slaps Kurt across the face and starts stroking Kurt faster. Kurt feels himself getting excited and feels tears spring into his eyes. He’s humiliated by his body’s reactions, even though he doesn’t want it in any way. _

_ Karofsky laughs and says, “See, fag, you know you love this.” He stops his ministrations and Kurt can feel his penis against his ass.  _

_ “No, please, no!” Kurt says, struggling against his binds once again. He starts screaming and crying and pleading, anything to get Karofsky to stop. The boys around him watching the scene laugh and encourage his attacker.  _

_ Kurt can only hear the sound of his own screams and the slap of skin on skin after that. _

Kurt stops replaying the scene in his head and immediately grabs his blade again. Knowing he doesn’t have enough room on his arms, Kurt lifts up his shirt and starts slicing his stomach, in long, horizontal lines that ooze red liquid, pouring out relief for Kurt. Tears flow down the boy’s face as he harms himself, hating himself for how weak he’s being.  ‘ _ Pull yourself together, Kurt ,’ _ he tells himself, accessing his wounds. 

Kurt knows he’s going to need to bandage himself up this time, as the bleeding is still steady, although not dripping down his stomach anymore. He opens the cabinet and sees that Blaine has stocked it up with anything they could possibly need, that’s not prescription, at least. He reaches for the ace bandage he sees, but the extra pair of readers' glasses Blaine has falls out, clattering into the sink. 

' _ Shit , _ ' Kurt thinks, hoping he hasn't woken Blaine. He quickly wraps his stomach with the

bandage and hears Blaine on the other side of the door. 

"Kurt? Are you okay?" he asks. Kurt can hear the concern in his voice and can almost see the way Blaine's eyebrows would be furrowed together and he would bite his lip worrying if something was wrong. "Knock once for yes and twice for no."

Kurt knocks once, exhaling in relief when he hears Blaine's quiet footsteps going away

from the door. ' _ That was too close ,' _ he tells himself. He knows he'll have to be more careful if he doesn't want Blaine to find out what he's been doing to himself. He cleans off the sink and his blade, putting it back in his hiding spot. He rolls up the rest of the ace bandage as well, trying to make it look as unused as possible. Then, he walks out to his dorm room and onto his bed, falling almost immediately into a fitful sleep.

-/-

The rest of the week passes by uneventfully for Kurt and Blaine. Having both exchanged cell numbers, the boys text almost constantly when not in one another's presence. Blaine finds he really enjoys Kurt's presence in his life and is glad that the boy was placed as his roommate. There are some awkward moments where Blaine says something that makes Kurt tense up. When Blaine asks about it, it's almost like he can see Kurt putting up his barriers, ignoring Blaine until the boy stops pestering him to communicate with him. Blaine understands that it's hard for Kurt to talk about things sometimes, and he doesn't want to pressure the boy at all, but he also knows that it would be easier for Blaine to stop himself from saying things that upset Kurt if he knew why they upset him.

Kurt, oddly enough, enjoys Blaine's presence, too. He's started letting some of his walls

down around Blaine but never enough for the boy to actually learn any real, substantial information about Kurt. Most of the time they spend in each other's presence is spent listening to their respective music, watching movies on Kurt's laptops, or just making small 'talk.' It's not much, but it's a comfortable enough space for Kurt to be. As with any new friendship, some moments are awkward or tense, especially when Blaine says something that triggers Kurt. Kurt knows that Blaine wouldn't do it if he knew what he was doing, but Kurt can't help closing himself to Blaine, not allowing him to see the confines of his highly guarded heart. He eventually gets over the trigger, and his and Blaine's new friendship proceeds as usual. Kurt is glad he has Blaine to help him in his transition into Dalton because his roommate has been a great help.

Kurt has three more nightmares before the end of the week, all of which Blaine helps him through. Kurt cuts after each one, littering his stomach, wrists, and thighs with self-inflicted wounds. He doesn’t think Blaine has any suspicions even though he excuses himself after every heart to heart they have after one of his nightmares. Or, at least if Blaine has suspicions, he doesn’t confront Kurt about them.

Kurt ended up having a panic attack after a particularly bad nightmare, wherein Kurt re-lived one of Karofsky’s rapes. It had been a particularly bad one, and when Blaine woke Kurt up he was not in his dorm room, but rather in the boys’ bathroom of McKinley, getting brutally beaten and taken advantage of. He was hyperventilating and rocking himself back and forth and the only way Blaine got him to snap out of it was by singing to him. This time Blaine sang “Somewhere Only We Know,” one of his favorite songs. It seemed to help Kurt relax, and he used Blaine’s voice as an anchor, to help steer him out of his panic attack and back into his dorm room at Dalton.

It is now Friday, and Kurt is sitting on his bathroom floor, tears rolling down his face, sobbing into the empty bathroom, blade in his right hand. He’d just gotten a text from his father telling him he’d have to cancel their Friday night dinner because of work. 

Kurt knows that his father needs to work to be able to provide for Kurt, and he loves his father dearly, but Friday night dinners had always been something incredibly special to Kurt. His mom had been the person to start the tradition at the Hummel house and Kurt had done his best to get in as much that he could to keep her memory living in both his and his father’s hearts. Add that to the fact that Kurt hadn’t gotten to see his father since Sunday and therefore missed him terribly, Kurt just broke. He’d had a particularly stressful day in school, with Sebastian sending him hate glares every time he saw him and quizzes in three out of his five classes. 

The teachers at Dalton were no doubt more qualified than those at McKinley, and Kurt did enjoy his classes, but the work load was much heavier and with all of the emotional duress Kurt is already under, he finds it hard to concentrate sometimes. 

And still not being completely comfortable with all of the very outgoing boys at Dalton, Kurt is feeling very stressed out, and very left out. He hasn’t made any friends except for Blaine, and Kurt doesn’t even know if Blaine likes him enough to even call him that. He knows that he should trust Blaine more and that he shouldn’t always close up around Blaine, but he can’t help it. And that makes Kurt very, very guilty.

Kurt is constantly terrified that he’s going to turn a corner and Karofsky will be right there, waiting for him, ready to pounce. He’s constantly worrying that Karofsky will find out where he is and ruin the safe haven that he’s found in Dalton. Kurt is horrified that Karofsky will somehow find a way to make his life a hellish nightmare once again.

He starts of hitting and scratching himself. The acts of physically beating himself up had always comforted Kurt somehow, although he didn’t know why. He hit his arms and his thighs and scratched up his stomach, leaving long, red, angry lines. He cries out as he hits himself, letting all of his anger flow into his hits, hurting himself with strength he didn’t know he had. He takes his blade and drags is back and forth along his wrists, forearms, stomach, and thighs. His breathing starts to escalate, and before he knows it, Kurt’s having a full-blown anxiety attack. His body is covered in cuts and he’s dripping blood everywhere. Frankly, Kurt just doesn’t care and loud, wet sobs wrack through his body, making it physically ache. He’s so involved with his self-harm and his panic attack that he doesn’t hear the door to his dorm open.

Blaine opens the door to his dorm room and immediately hears Kurt’s loud cries and heavy breathing from the bathroom. His throws his bag and blazer onto his bed before quickly going to the door. “Kurt?!” He yells through the door, trying to get it open. Of course the door is locked, but that doesn’t stop Blaine from trying to open it. He hears the sobs wracking through Kurt’s body and grows increasingly worried as he hears something that sounds like a body slamming against the wall. “Kurt, open this door!” Blaine yells, knocking on the door, hitting it, jiggling the doorknob in earnest trying to get it open. He’s afraid of what Kurt is doing to himself, having to idea what thoughts are going through Kurt’s mind. “Kurt, can you hear me?”

Blaine gets no answer, and becomes even more frantic. He knows Kurt had had a hard time adjusting to life at Dalton and that he had missed his father as well. They had had a conversation about Burt when Blaine had asked about Kurt’s family two days ago. Blaine loved that Kurt had such a supportive and loving dad, even if Kurt couldn’t see that himself. Blaine knew Kurt saw himself as worthless and unlovable, which is why he tried his hardest to make Kurt believe him when he said that Kurt is one of the most amazing people Blaine has ever met.

Blaine had fallen for Kurt, and fast. He knew that looking for a relationship in Kurt was not the right thing to do, as Kurt was broken and still needed to stabilize himself and his life and was not ready for a relationship, as least not with Blaine. Blaine desperately wished for Kurt to be ready, but there was no way he could just force Kurt into healing faster, and there was no way he would want to. Blaine knew the healing process was a long and slow one and delicate for every different person. It’s just that Kurt is so perfect and amazing and wonderful and strong and charming and kind and  _ lovable _ that Blaine couldn’t help falling for the boy. He wouldn’t say he was in love just yet, but there was definitely something there.

Kurt hears Blaine’s voice outside the bathroom door, but it doesn’t really register to him that Blaine is  _ right outside the door _ . He’s hyperventilating and crying big snotty tears and slamming his body into the wall and cutting wherever he can find. He thinks about his dad and Blaine and his transfer to Dalton and Sebastian and Karofsky and it’s all too much. He lets all of his emotions out in his tears and blood.

Blaine scrambles in his and Kurt’s room, looking for a bobby pin or a safety pin or  _ something _ .  He’s freaking out about Kurt, worrying about the cries he can hear coming from the boy, the loud sobs and the huge intakes of breath, and the slamming on the walls. He needs to know what’s happening, get into that bathroom, and help Kurt. He finally succeeds in his search after a stressful two minutes and uses a technique he learned from Thad to pick the lock of the bathroom door with a safety pin. His hands are shaking and he fails to successfully pick the lock multiple times. After using a colorfully worded vocabulary, Blaine calms down enough to start slowly picking the lock. Kurt does not stop sobbing and crying and Blaine is trying as fast as he can to pick the lock, so he can get in there and help Kurt. He’s so worried he doesn’t even register anything else but  _ Kurt _ and how much his roommate, this perfect boy, is in need of him. And after a grueling five minutes, Blaine ends up getting the door unlocked.

And with all the might he can muster, Blaine pushes the door open.

-/-

A/N: Kind of a cliffie, eh, I guess.

I hope you liked this chapter! I’m liking what I did to it much better than the last story, and I hope you do, too!

Clarification for anyone who needs it: the italics in this chapter were Kurt's dream, not a flashback

Please, please, please review, I love getting feedback from you guys! And please, tell me if you have any questions, or need something clarified, or have constructive criticism, those are all welcome as well!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello! I hope you’ve enjoyed the last two chapters! Thanks to those of you who reviewed. 

CLARIFICATION: I had put it in the end notes of the last chapter, but there was still some confusion. The  italics in the last chapter were KURT’S DREAM, NOT a flashback. Karofsky was the only one who ever did anything sexual to Kurt, and he was not kidnapped.

Please enjoy and review!

_ Flashbacks, dreams, thoughts, and lyrics are in italics . _ ** Whiteboard writing is bold . **

Warnings: self-harm, language, rape, minor violence

-/-

Blaine’s heart breaks when he sees what Kurt’s done to himself. There’s a puddle of blood on the floor next to where Kurt sat and drops of it everywhere else. It is smeared on the walls and the sink. Kurt starts hyperventilating even more when he sees Blaine, his eyes going wide. He tries scurrying away from Blaine, but the boy’s hand on his shoulder stops him. Kurt pauses and before he knows it, he’s enveloped in a tight hug.

He tenses at first, prepared for Blaine to hurt him, but when the blow he is expecting never comes, he relaxes into Blaine’s hold, his breathing evening out. Kurt buries his face into Blaine’s neck, sobbing uncontrollably. Blaine scoops Kurt up into his arms, surprisingly easily for Kurt’s height. He sits down with Kurt on his bed, the boy in his lap, tears falling steadily on Blaine’s shirt. “Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Blaine says, rubbing Kurt’s back. “You’re okay.” Blaine knows he has to assess Kurt’s wounds and see how bad they are, but the boy is clinging so tightly to him that it’s nearly impossible. “Kurt, let me see, okay?” Blaine says, taking hold of one of Kurt’s arms. He cringes at the sight of Kurt’s bloody wrist, but notices that most of the cuts aren’t bleeding anymore, and those that are have lightened on the bleeding. Blaine also notices the multitude of scars littering Kurt’s wrists and forearms and had the strange urge to bend down and kiss Kurt’s injuries. He doesn’t, though, because he doesn’t want to make the boy uncomfortable. Kurt gets off of Blaine’s lap, wiping his eyes. He walks over to his bed on wobbly feet and then returns with his whiteboard. 

** I’m sorry ** **,** he writes, avoiding looking at Blaine. He knows that he’ll have to talk to Blaine, but he really doesn’t want to. Kurt really hopes he can avoid the conversation with Blaine for as long as possible.

“Why, Kurt? Why would you do this to yourself?” Blaine asks. Kurt feels like his roommate’s sad eyes are burning into his soul. Kurt feels like an even more terrible person for making Blaine feel this way and lowers his head in shame.

** It’s nothing, Blaine. Really, I’m fine . ** Kurt hopes that Blaine is convinced by him, even though he knows it’s a long shot. Blaine isn’t stupid and he knows that what Kurt’s doing to himself isn’t good for him.    

“Kurt. I know it’s not nothing. Please answer my question, truthfully. Why did you do this to  yourself?” Blaine asks, looking up at Kurt with utmost concern. Kurt feels terrible. He really doesn’t want to tell Blaine, he doesn’t want to talk about this at all; Kurt just wants to lay down and go to sleep for about 24 hours.

He knows that’s not possible, so he writes an explanation on his board.  ** I’ve just had a really stressful week, Blaine. I was looking forward to going home and being with my dad, but he had to cancel on me. And I don’t know, I just got upset. It’s stupid ** . Kurt feels pathetic. Here Blaine is, one of the strongest people he knows, who’s gone through so much and is still so strong, and Kurt breaks down because of not being able to go to family dinner. Kurt is so weak that he can’t even go one day without cutting himself.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kurt. I know how hard it can be your first week at a new school. It’s not stupid,” Blaine says, understanding Kurt’s sadness. “What made you want to do this in the first place? Why did you start doing this to yourself, Kurt?” Blaine tries to understand where Kurt is coming from. He knows sometimes people hurt themselves to feel better, but he’s never understood why. He hopes he’s not overstepping boundaries and that Kurt knows he just wants to know the best way to help the boy.

Kurt feels terrible. He knew Blaine could have found out any time, but he never knew it would feel like this. He’s scared and hurt and anxious and his self esteem plummets. He turns away from Blaine, avoiding his confused, hurt looks. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now. Kurt can’t deal with this right now.

Blaine touches Kurt’s shoulder and says, “Please don’t do that, Kurt. Don’t shut me out, don’t put your walls up. Please, you can talk to me.” Kurt looks up at Blaine, confused as to why the boy wants to help him. “Was it the bullies? Did they make you want to do this, Kurt?” Kurt shrugs and turns away from Blaine again. “You don’t deserve this Kurt. You don’t deserve what they did to you.”

Kurt looks up at Blaine with tears in his eyes and shakes his head. Kurt disagrees with what Blaine is telling him. He deserves everything Karofsky and his neanderthals ever did to him. He’s weak and pathetic and he’s just a stupid  fag . 

“Kurt, look at me,” Blaine says. His tone of voice is stern and Kurt can’t help but immediately obey. “You are worth so much more than you think you are. You are smart and kind and so,  so strong. You’re perfect, just the way you are.

‘ _ Everything he’s saying are lies _ ,’  Kurt tells himself, not willing to believe Blaine when he knows it’s not true. Kurt is not smart of kind or strong, and he’s definitely not perfect. Or so he thinks. Kurt believes he’s so imperfect he can’t stand it. Kurt scribbles something on his whiteboard.  ** I’m sorry, Blaine ** .

“Don’t be sorry, Kurt. You did nothing to hurt me. Except this Kurt,” Blaine gestures to Kurt’s cut up wrists. “This hurts me. I can’t stand watching you in pain and taking it out on yourself. Please stop. You can’t keep doing this.

Kurt immediately tenses and stands up to go to his bed. He doesn’t want to have this conversation with Blaine. He can’t. He doesn’t have the mental stability to do this without having a breakdown and cutting. Which Blaine is trying to get him to stop doing. But he can’t. He needs it. Like an alcoholic needs a drink and a smoker needs nicotine, Kurt needs his blades. He can’t live without them. 

Blaine grabs Kurt’s hand, stopping him from proceeding to his bed. “Kurt, please. Don’t build up your walls. Don’t shut me out. I care about you too much for you to do that.” Blaine hopes Kurt will listen to him. Over the past week, he’s begun to develop feelings for his roommate. He’s not in love or anything, not yet, and he certainly can’t tell Kurt until he gets a little better, but Blaine knows that he’s interested in pursuing a relationship with Kurt. If Kurt likes him as well, at least.   “Please, just… can you try to explain why for me?”

Kurt sighs and turns back to Blaine’s bed, writing something on his whiteboard. It takes him a while, so Blaine knows he’s actually explaining some things to him. Or so he hopes.  ** I was thrown into dumpsters, Blaine. They shoved me into lockers and poured ice-cold slushies on my head. They beat me up almost everyday and said terrible things. That I’m useless and pathetic and stupid and girly and unloved and that I can’t do anything right. All because I’m a stupid fag. And it’s all true, Blaine. I’m all those things . **

Kurt cries as Blaine reads what he wrote, and can see when Blaine’s heart breaks. “No, Kurt. You aren’t anything of those things,” Blaine can’t believe what those people had done to Kurt. He’s upset and he’s sympathetic and he’s supportive of Kurt, but mostly he’s just angry. How dare those people have the right to say those things and do those things? Just because Kurt’s a little different doesn’t mean he isn’t human. That doesn’t mean that he’s anything less of a person. An amazing and wonderful person. “I wish you could see yourself, the way I see you, Kurt. Do you know what I see when I look at you?”

Kurt looks into Blaine’s eyes and sees only the utmost sincerity. He doesn’t believe Blaine when he tries reassuring him, but he desperately wants to. He shakes his head at Blaine’s question. “I see an amazing, perfect boy who’s been through a lot and is still struggling, but is getting through each and every day. I see a  boy who wasn’t afraid to be himself just because some closed-minded people didn’t agree with his beliefs. I see a strong boy who is still getting stronger and is worthy of love.”

Kurt starts crying at Blaine’s words. Blaine doesn’t know why, but he wishes that he could do something to help comfort Kurt better.  ‘ _ You’re none of those things, Kurt _ _,_ ’ the boy’s mind tells him. ‘ _ You’re just a stupid and pathetic and worthless fag _ !’  Karofsky’s voice rings in his ears, and Kurt runs to the bathroom.

“Kurt!” Blaine shouts after him, running as well. Kurt reaches for the blade still sitting on the sink counter and slices one, two, three times before his weapon is wrenched out of his hands by Blaine. He falls to the ground in the fetal position, arms curled around himself, crying. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Kurt!”

Kurt mouths ‘why not’ at Blaine, who promptly brings him his whiteboard. Blaine sits on the floor next to Kurt and rubs his roommate’s back in comfort. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Kurt. It’s not healthy.”

** But it helps, Blaine. I wouldn’t be here without it . ** Kurt looks up at Blaine and sees the moment Blaine understand what he means. If Kurt hadn’t cut, he’d be dead by now. At first Blaine looks sad, but then he looks angry.

“But this is killing you, Kurt! Look at what you’re doing to your body! One day you’re going to cut too deep and what’s going to happen then? Do you know what I would do if you died? I’d blame myself, Kurt. Knowing that I knew and I could have done something to stop it, I would blame myself. I can’t just sit here and watch you kill yourself, Kurt. I… I really care about you, and I can’t just sit back and watch you do this to yourself.” Blaine is crying at the end of his mini speech, hoping Kurt gets his message.

** I’m sorry, Blaine ** , Kurt writes, feeling guiltier than before. He didn’t know that Blaine felt that way. Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to feel bad, but he knows he can’t give up cutting. It’s just something that he needs. He’s always careful, and he knows he’ll never cut too deep. 

“I’m going to throw this away, okay?” Blaine says, holding up Kurt’s blade. Kurt nods. He can deal with that. He can find another way to cut. He’ll be okay. “If you ever feel the urge to cut, come talk to me, please.”

Kurt nods, knowing that he will just need to be more careful where and when he cuts. He doesn’t really need to stop. He gets up and looks at his cuts. He washes them off and decides not to bandage them up, wanting to be able to feel the pain of them while he sleeps. He turns around and gives Blaine a big hug and mouthing a ‘thank you’ before both of them go into their dorm and lay in their respective beds. 

Kurt hates lying to Blaine, but he hates making Blaine feel bad even more. Cutting isn’t going to hurt him any more than his own feelings will. Kurt knows that he needs it, or else he will do something much worse to himself. Blaine doesn’t have to know; he can just keep it a secret like it was before. After all, he does have four more blades hidden in his stash underneath the sink.

-/-

The weekend passes by uneventfully for Kurt. He and Blaine have an unplanned study session with Trent, whom Kurt has gotten to know better. He still keeps his borders up around him and doesn’t even use his whiteboard much, but Kurt knows Trent won’t do anything to purposefully hurt him. He likes Trent.

Blaine visits his parents on Sunday, something Kurt knows he has to do, but wishes he didn’t. Kurt felt unsafe at Dalton without Blaine there. Trent had checked in on him mutiple times, rather awkwardly, but it made Kurt feel a little safer. He also felt cared for because he knew Blaine was behind what Trent was doing. The thought made him smile and feel a little less abandoned. 

Kurt’s dad had texted him Monday afternoon telling Kurt that he had a big surprise for him and that Friday night dinner was most definitely happening. That made Kurt excited and happy that his dad was thinking about him. Two weeks was the longest Kurt had ever gone without seeing his dad, so he was very glad that he had time the upcoming weekend to visit him.

Kurt had had such a relaxed weekend that he hadn’t even cut. It was now Tuesday and Kurt’s math class was stressing him out a little, but he knew that Trent was getting a 97 percent in that class, so he wasn’t too worried. He and Trent were now walking to Warblers rehearsal together. Kurt obviously wasn’t going to audition for the Warblers, he hadn’t sung since the first time Karofsky had taken advantage of him, but Blaine had invited him to rehearsal because Kurt seemed very enthusiastic and interested in what the group did. 

Kurt was incredibly eager walking into the rehearsal space and seeing all of the boys he had gotten to know at his lunch table. One of the main reasons Kurt had decided to branch out of his comfort zone and come watch the boys perform is because he knew Blaine was the lead singer. He’d already heard Blaine sing to him after a few of his nightmares, but he was very curious to see how his roommate sounded with all of the other boys. Kurt frowned a little when he saw Sebastian, who hadn’t so much as interacted with him aside from glowering every time he saw him, but Kurt didn’t let that bring his escalated mood down.

Kurt wasn’t happy, no, but he actually felt okay. He still didn’t let his guard down, still didn’t talk to anyone, but he didn’t feel like hiding away from the world for once. He didn’t feel confident, but he felt a little like his former self. Less like the shell of the person he used to be. He sat down on one of the couches in the rehearsal area and waited for the boys to get into formation.

He was greeted by a lot of warm looks, and a wink from Trent. Blaine smiled radiantly at him, making Kurt blush. He knew Blaine was thrilled and slightly nervous for Kurt to watch him perform, and that made watching it all the better for Kurt. 

The song is kind of slow and it starts of with the boys singing bahs and doos before Blaine’s melodic voice starts singing.

_ Made a wrong turn _

_ Once or twice _

_ Dug my way out _

_ Of blood and fire _

Kurt immediately recognizes the top forty hit and smiles. The song is perfect for Blaine and the boys’ a cappella arrangement makes it even better. The dance moves the group is doing are simple, but they look perfect. Kurt is very impressed by the Warblers. He knows they’d give the New Directions a run for their money.

Blaine gets to the chorus and sings directly to Kurt. He holds out a hand which Kurt takes. Being sung to by Blaine in front of all these people is exhilarating to Kurt. He’s blushing and shying away, but he also feels cared for. Blaine starts twirling him around and singing to him, rubbing his thumbs along Kurt’s wrist where he knows harbor a countless number of scars. 

Kurt smiles and feels tears come to his eyes but doesn’t let them fall. He knows he can’t start crying in front of a room full of people no matter how emotional the rendition of the song is for him. Blaine smiles at him as he sings the last chorus, gesturing to him as Kurt sits back down in his spot. 

_ You are perfect to me. _

Blaine finishes off the song with a smile on his face. He knows he made Kurt happy and that’s all that matters to him. Wes is probably going to tell him some shit about not straying from the choreography, but he doesn’t care about that right now. All he cares about is that he made Kurt feel better and that Kurt understands the meaning of the song. Kurt is perfect, especially to Blaine, and Blaine hopes he got the message of the song.

Kurt is clapping enthusiastically after the boys finish the last hums of the song. The boys smile proudly at their performance and they all sit down on the couches around the rehearsal space. Trent and Blaine sit next to Kurt and give him smiles. “I understand we have a guest here today,” Wes says, quieting everyone down with his gavel and giving Kurt a welcoming smile.

“We’d like to know how you felt about our performance, Kurt. This could be a learning opportunity for us Warblers,” David says next to Wes, also smiling at the boy in between Blaine and Trent.  

Kurt rapidly writes out a response, saying  ** I loved it. You all were wonderful. Great song choice ** . All Warblers but Sebastian smile about Kurt’s reply, hoping that they’re good enough to win at Sectionals, which are in two weeks. They all thank Kurt, who blushes in turn.  ** You could give New Directions a run for their money ** , Kurt writes out next.

At the council’s questioning glance, Blaine speaks up and says, “The New Directions were Kurt’s old show choir, at his old school.” Kurt had informed Blaine about the New Directions whilst talking about Rachel, his old best friend. He still loved her dearly, but once Kurt quit New Directions and stopped talking, he and Rachel had a falling out. He misses her, but not the over-the-top drama queen tantrums she was prone to having. 

“So the freak used to be in a show choir?” Sebastian says, scowling at Kurt from his seat. “So you weren’t always this fucked up?” Kurt shrinks into his seat, looking down at the floor, not wanting to see the rest of the Warblers’ inquisitive glances. Surely they were all thinking the same thing about him as Sebastian. 

“Sebastian,” Wes says, tone warning him of not speaking. Kurt is grateful, although that still doesn’t stop Sebastian. He looks at Kurt with disgust and hatred, wanting Kurt to feel as shitty as he actually is. Sebastian doesn’t believe he deserves to be happy.

“I don’t understand how none of you can see that he’s a freak. Why do you think he got run out of his old school? Everyone there was actually sensible and didn’t take his shit. I mean seriously, look at him. He won’t even stand up for himself,” Sebastian says, standing up and walking towards Kurt. “Hey, Kurt. Why don’t you say something for us, hm? Cat got your tongue? You’re pathetic, Kurt. And that’s all you’ll ever be.”

Kurt doesn’t know why Sebastian thinks this, but he knows it’s all true. He doesn’t understand why Sebastian has some vendetta against Kurt, but he wishes he didn’t. Life would be so much easier for Kurt if he didn’t have people trying to knock him down at every turn. But of course, Kurt deserves all of this. If he didn’t, then he would have gotten better by now.

“That’s enough, Sebastian!” Blaine stands up from next to Kurt, raising his voice. “How dare you talk to him like that? How would you know any of that? What gives you the right to judge him before you even know him? I know for a fact that Kurt’s a better person than you’ll ever be.”

“How would you even know that, Blaine? The little freak doesn’t even talk,” Sebastian retorts, getting in Blaine’s face. “He’s probably too dumb to talk.” He laughs, smirking down at Blaine and Kurt, who now has tears running down his face.

Blaine doesn’t say anything after that because he’s too busy punching Sebastian in the nose. Not hard enough to break it or anything, but hard enough for Sebastian to really feel regret for talking bad about Kurt. “Blaine!” David says, from the council’s seats. “That’s enough, both of you. Sebastian, refrain from tormenting Kurt or you will be kicked out of the Warblers. Blaine, no violence against other Warblers. No matter how much they are deserving of it.”

Blaine grumbles something about Sebastian but sits down next to Kurt. “Kurt,” he whispers, seeing the tears falling down Kurt’s face. “Kurt, it’s okay. Nothing he said was true, I promise.” Kurt starts digging his nails into the skin on his wrist, hoping to draw blood. When Blaine notices he pulls Kurt’s hands away from each other and pulls the boy’s chin up to looks at him. He briefly notices the Warblers’ rehearsal progressing, the boys letting him and Kurt have some privacy. “Stop that, Kurt. You are perfect. You are not a freak, and although I would love it if you talked, you do not have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Kurt nods at Blaine and excuses himself from the boys’ rehearsal, saying that he’s had a long day and just wants to take a nap. He thanks everyone for the fantastic performance, avoiding Sebastian’s spiteful gaze throughout. 

‘Stay strong, Kurt,’ he sees Blaine mouth at him when he leaves.

Kurt doesn’t stay strong though. The minute he gets into his and Blaine’s shared dorm room he rushes to the bathroom and pulls out his hidden blades. He carves three words into his thighs that day: freak, pathetic, and fag. 

-/-

_ The nightmare is about something Karofsky actually did this time. Kurt is finishing up washing his hands in the sink when his tormentor walks in. He smirks when he sees the smaller boy and turns directly to Kurt. “Hello, gorgeous,” Karofsky says, smiling predatorily at Kurt.  _

_ Kurt doesn’t say anything. He hasn’t said anything for three months, ever since Karofsky did… it. He shakes his head, tremors going through his body, hoping Karofsky doesn’t do what he did the last time he and Kurt were alone.  _

_ Kurt has no such luck. The next thing he knows, Karofsky is picking him up and setting him on the sink he was just washing his hands at. “Miss me, faggot?” Karofsky asks, pulling Kurt’s pants down roughly. He pulls his own pants down as well and guides Kurt’s hand to his flaccid cock.  _

_ Kurt shakes his head again, hating the feel of Karofsky against his finger tips.  ‘This is all wrong,’ he thinks to himself.  ‘It’s not supposed to be like this .’ Tears are flowing down his face as Karofsky slaps him, forcing him to start stroking the looming football player.  _

_ “Aw, yeah, just like that,” Karofsky says, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “I swear you were born to do this, fairy.” Kurt shakes his head again wanting to stop. Thankfully, Karofsky swats Kurt’s hand away. His moment of gratitude is cut short, though, because the next thing he knows, Karofsky is pounding into him painfully, each sound of skin against skin bringing Kurt wave after wave of pain. “I miss hearing your voice, beautiful. You haven’t talked since the last time we did this. Maybe if you talk I’ll reward you and stop,” Karofsky whispers into Kurt’s ear, thrusting harder and faster. “Just say one word, Kurt. Maybe you’ll get lucky.” _

_ Kurt knows Karofsky is probably lying, but he takes the chance. “Please, stop!” He yells, voice cracking from underuse. Karofsky just laughs and keeps going.  _

_ “You’ll have to do better than that, princess,” Karofsky says, slapping Kurt’s ass. Kurt starts bawling, heaving sobs as Karofsky takes advantage of him. “C’mon, I love hearing your voice. Your pretty, girly voice.” _

_ “No! Please, get off of me! Stop!” Kurt screams again, hoping Karofsky will stop. _

Blaine wakes up on Thursday night when he hears a distressed voice. He doesn’t know that it’s Kurt’s until he hears it again and looks over at the boy thrashing around in his bed. Blaine first thought is  ‘ _ Kurt’s talking! Oh my god, he’s talking _ ,’ but then he realizes that it’s unintentional and the boy is having a nightmare. He should try to help him. 

Blaine walks over to Kurt’s side of the room and sits down on the boy’s bed. He gently nudges Kurt’s shoulder, hoping to gently wake the boy up. “No! Please, get off of me! Stop!” Kurt exclaims, thrashing around on the bed some more. Tears are flowing down the boy’s face, and Blaine wants to gather Kurt in his arm and kiss the bad feelings away. 

“Kurt, wake up, it’s just a nightmare,” Blaine says, nudging Kurt again. This time Kurt does wake up, sitting up in the bed abruptly.

“No! Please, don’t!” Kurt says, wild eyes focusing on the figure of Blaine on his bed, still locked inside the horrors of his dream. “Please, stay away!”

“Kurt, it’s Blaine,” the boy says sadly, heart breaking at the scene in front of him. He’s relieved when he sees that Kurt is starting to recognize him as Blaine and not whoever was the tormentor in his dream. “You were having a nightmare, Kurt. You’re safe, at Dalton.”

“Blaine?” Kurt says, frightened. Blaine’s heart pounds loudly in his chest hearing his name come out of Kurt’s mouth for the first time. He nods, not trusting himself to say anything coherent in from on Kurt at the moment. “Hold me?” Kurt asks, looking up at Blaine with big, fearful eyes. Blaine nods again and pulls Kurt into his arms, rocking the boy back and forth.  Blaine starts singing an unfamiliar tune to Kurt, but a comforting one all the same.

Blaine feels terrible for Kurt. He knows how hard waking up with nightmares can be, having suffered from his own night terrors after the attack. Singing was always something that had made Blaine calm down, and it made Kurt calm down as well. When Blaine finishes singing “Somewhere Only We Know,” he sees that Kurt is asleep. He gently lays the boy down on his bed and pulls his covers up over him so he doesn’t get cold in the night. He gives Kurt a loving kiss on his forehead and whispers, “Goodnight, Kurt,” before laying in his own bed across the room.

Blaine stays up for a long time after that, thinking about Kurt and Kurt’s voice.  _ What was happening in the nightmare? _ Blaine wonders to himself. He thinks about what drew Kurt to speak in his sleep a lot. That was the first time Blaine has ever heard Kurt talk and he absolutely loves Kurt’s voice. He loves the sound of his name on Kurt’s lips and he loves how much trust he can hear coming through Kurt’s voice. Blaine really hopes that Kurt will speak to him more.

However, when Kurt wakes up the next morning, he has no recollection of his nightmare, and doesn’t remember speaking to Blaine at all.

-/-

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the third installment of my re-write! This one took me slightly longer to write because this is the first chapter that doesn’t follow parallels of the first fic. I do like how the end of this chapter played out, though, and I hope you do, too!

Please, please, please review! I cannot tell you how much I love getting reviews and how much they fuel my writing.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hello! Thank you so much for reading, and a big thanks to those who reviewed!

As always,  _ dreams, flashbacks, thoughts, and lyrics in italics _ .  ** Whiteboard writing and texts in bold.  ** I’m writing this while sick at home, so I apologize for any mistakes.

Warnings for: self-harm, rape, language, violence

Enjoy, and please review!

-/-

“Kurt!” Burt Hummel says as Kurt walks into his home. Kurt smiles and sighs happily, loving being back in his rightful living space. He hugs his father, who smiles at him hopefully. “I missed you, buddy.”

** I missed you, too, dad ** , Kurt writes on his whiteboard. He sees his dad’s smile lessen, and Kurt assumes it’s because his dad had hoped that Kurt would talk to him.  ** So… what’s this surprise you have planned for me?  ** Kurt writes. He both loves and hates surprises, but he’s really enthusiastic to get to know this one. His dad doesn’t surprise him with things that often.

“Well, you know how I had to miss Friday night dinner last week?” Burt asks, with a twinkle in his eye. Kurt nods, so Burt proceeds. “Well, I didn’t actually have to pick up extra shifts at the shop… I was actually going on a date!”

Kurt smiles at his dad, but inside he’s a little hurt. Why did his dad have to miss their special Friday night dinners to go on a date that he could have done any other day of the week? Of course he’s happy that his dad got to go on a date and is happy, but why did he have to sacrifice his and Kurt’s special dinners? He knows how much those dinners mean to Kurt. 

Kurt hides his feelings the best he can and smiles up at his father.  ** That’s great, dad ** . His father hugs him again, and Kurt feels terrible for being disappointed at his dad’s actions last week. He hasn’t seen his dad this happy in a long time.  _ God, Kurt, just be happy for him. You’re always such a horrible son, always thinking about yourself _ ,  Kurt’s mind supplies him with self-deprecating thoughts. 

“And guess what else?” Burt says, excitedly. After Kurt gives him a questioning glance, he says, “Carole is here for family dinner! She’s been so excited to meet you! And she has a son your age, maybe you know him? His name is Finn.”

Oh no. Kurt does know Finn. He guess Finn is an okay guy, but throughout most of Kurt’s freshman year he’d had a painfully obvious crush on Finn Hudson. He hadn’t acted on it, of course. Finn was so obviously straight it hurt. Plus, Karofsky would have actually murdered Kurt. On more than one occasion, Kurt found himself daydreaming of Finn riding up on a white horse saving Kurt from the venomous hands of Karofsky. He’d always hoped that Finn would be his knight in shining armor one day. Of course that changed when he’d overheard Finn talking to Mike about how confused he was as to why Kurt wasn’t talking. Mike tried explaining that there must be a reason Kurt didn’t talk, but Finn just thought it was weird.

Kurt felt a little sick to his stomach every time he saw Finn after that.

And now, Finn, and his mother, were sitting in his kitchen ready to eat his mother’s special Friday night dinner with them. Kurt felt like he was going to throw up, but he put on a brave face for his father and walked into the kitchen. Carole looked up at him and smiled. Finn, meanwhile, just looked at the meatloaf hungrily, barely registering that Kurt had walked into the room. 

Carole looked nice enough. She bore a smile that seemed welcoming to Kurt, but he still didn’t know if he trusted her. He jumped back a little when she stood up, anxious for the dinner that was about to come. “You must be Kurt. I’ve heard so much about you. All great, I promise. I’m Carole, and you probably know my son, Finn.” Carole holds her hand out for Kurt to shake, which he promptly does. Finn looks up for a second and then goes right back to drooling over the food set out on the table.

** It’s very nice to meet you ** , Kurt writes, smiling timidly at Carole. He sees her smile recede a little at seeing him write on his board, but Kurt doesn’t make much of it. It’s not like anyone would really be happy to be in the presence of some freakish fag who doesn’t talk.

Everyone sits down and soon dinner is in full swing. “How is Dalton, Kurt? Those other boys treating you right?” Burt asks, fatherly protectiveness showing through. Kurt nods and pushes his peas around on his plate. He really doesn’t want to talk about Dalton. Not when he just doesn’t want to think about anyone else but himself and his dad and his mother, who’s essence seems to be slowly fading from their Friday night dinner the longer Finn and Carole sit at the table. 

“Why did you transfer to Dalton, Kurt? Finn goes to McKinley and he likes it just fine,” Carole says, giving Kurt a pointed glare. Kurt shrinks back in his seat.

Kurt’s dad, who doesn’t seem to notice that Kurt is uncomfortable, says, “McKinley just wasn’t offering the kind of protection Dalton offers. Kurt didn’t feel safe there and Dalton has a no-tolerance bullying policy. Kurt and I both felt it would be beneficial for him to stay at Dalton instead of McKinley.”

“Oh, well, don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?” Carole says, looking judgmentally at Kurt, who just looks down at his plate of food. He then scribbles something out on his whiteboard.

** I didn’t want to go to Dalton. I think it’s too expensive and I can live with being at McKinley, but my dad didn’t want me to go somewhere I didn’t feel accepted. ** Burt smiles proudly at his son, glad at the way Kurt handled the situation.  _ Maybe Kurt is getting something out of going to this school, after all _ _,_ he thinks to himself.

“Oh, sure,” Finn says, from his seat next to his mother. “You probably just wanted to fuck all the guys there. Karofsky,” Kurt flinches at the name, “says he saw you screwing, like, three guys under the bleachers one day.”

Kurt wants to cry. He doesn’t know why Karofsky would say things like that if he’d wanted to keep Kurt all to himself, but it hurt all the same. Carole nods after scolding Finn for his language. “Burt, really, you can’t say that Kurt isn’t being a little overdramatic. I mean, how long is it that you said he hasn’t talked to you for? One year, two years?”

“Three years,” Burt whispers, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He doesn’t know what to do. On one hand, he;s really starting to develop feelings for Carole, but on the other, his son, Kurt is being incriminated by these two people he’s invited into their home. Burt does think Kurt can be a little dramatic though. He knows that there’s a reason Kurt doesn’t talk, but without knowing that reason, Burt doesn’t know what to think.

Kurt looks up at his dad, who looks sadly at Kurt. “Maybe you could help us understand, Kurt? Why you don’t talk, I mean. Carole’s got a point. It  _ would _ make you seem less dramatic,” Burt says, feelings conflicted.

Kurt is shocked at what he’s just heard his dad say. He never would have thought that his father, who he had been through thick and thin with, would betray him like this. He feels tears prick his vision, and stands up to leave. “Wait, Kurt,” Carole says, from her seat. “I didn’t mean to make you--” She doesn’t get to finish her sentence though, as Kurt is already rushing down the stairs to his bedroom.

“I didn’t mean to make him so upset,” Carole says, scowling at her unfinished meatloaf. “If he would just  _ communicate _ , though. It just frustrates me.” She moves closer to Burt and puts a hand on his shoulder. “I can see how much it hurts you when he doesn’t talk, and it just seems like he’s being so problematic by staying silent when he knows it hurts those he loves most.”

“It does hurt me, but we have to be patient, Carole. You saw what he did back there. Confronting him like that isn’t going to help solve anything,” Burt says, shaking his head. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I think it’s best you leave.”

“But, honey, I was just trying to help. He can’t stay silent forever,” Carole says, standing up and putting a hand on Burt’s shoulder. “I think we should march into his room and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and we won’t take it any longer.”

“No. What I think is best is that you leave. I’m sorry, Carole; I know you were trying to help. I’ll call you later. Maybe we can reschedule this some time,” Burt says, leading Carole and her son to the front door. He gives Carole a kiss on the cheek and then wishes Finn the best before they leave.

Burt feels terrible. He desperately wishes Kurt would talk, and he appreciates Carole trying to fix the situation. Burt doesn’t know how to get his son to open up to him, but he desperately wishes he did. All he knows is that he has to be patient with Kurt. Let the boy come to him, and then wait until he’s comfortable with talking and explaining things. Burt loves his son dearly and will do anything to get the Kurt he knows back.

-/-

Kurt rushes down the stairs and jumps into his bed, burying his face in his pillow, tears falling down his cheeks. He sends out a quick text to Blaine, saying  ** Call me, please. I know I won’t talk to you and it will be weird, but I need to hear your voice. Please. **

Kurt knows it could be dangerous for him to open up to Blaine. Letting another person in and having that person hurt him would kill Kurt. He wouldn’t be able to handle the pain, and he would do the unthinkable. He just needs to hear Blaine’s soothing voice, needs to know that he’s not alone. He knew the dinner with Carole and Finn was a bad idea. Finn had probably told Carole how much of a freak he was, making her lash out to him at dinner. Kurt didn’t understand why it was a problem that he didn’t talk. He knew that he was hurting his dad, but he was a terrible son anyway.  Who would want a fag for a son?  Kurt’s mind supplies for him, and he knows that the answer is no one. That’s why Burt is talking to Carole. He wants a normal son, one that’s not so feminine and girly and broken. Burt wants a son like Finn, or so Kurt thinks.

The boy is broken out of his thoughts by his phone vibrating next to him. He quickly picks it up after seeing that it’s Blaine. Blaine, who heard Kurt’s quiet sobs, says, “Kurt? What’s wrong? Okay, you won’t answer that…” Blaine doesn’t know what to say without asking a question, a little flustered. He’s never had a phone conversation with someone who refuses to talk.  “Um… I’m assuming something went wrong during dinner…” 

Kurt nods even though he knows Blaine can’t see him. He starts crying harder at Blaine’s words, giving Blaine the answer that yes, something went wrong during dinner. “Um… I’m going to sing to you, now, Kurt.” Blaine doesn’t know if singing to Kurt is a good choice, but he’s going to do it anyway. Blaine’s voice usually calm’s Kurt down, so he decides that singing would be a solution to Kurt’s tears.

  _ The power lines went out _

_ And I am all alone _

_ But I don’t really care at all _

_ Not answering my phone _

Kurt listens intently to Blaine’s melodic voice flowing through his phone, glad he has Blaine to help him. He closes his eyes and lets Blaine’s voice flow over him like a wave, washing away all of his sadness. As Blaine proceeds with the song, Kurt’s tears stop. He’s so grateful to Blaine, and he wishes he’d have the courage to talk to him. But Kurt can’t. Kurt wishes he could talk to Blaine and tell the boy how he feels, how he’s slowly developing feelings for Blaine. But Kurt knows Blaine would never like him back. He’s too broken, to fragile, to weird for anyone to love him

As Blaine finishes the song, he can’t help but feel his heart swell as he notices Kurt is no longer crying. He wishes the boy would talk to him and open up more, but Blaine knows he has to be patient with Kurt. Blaine’s  crush is definitely more than a crush now that he’s gotten to know Kurt better. Blaine’s not in love or anything, but he hopes Kurt will open up soon so he can confess his feelings. He also hopes that maybe Kurt returns those feelings, even though it’s a long shot.

-/-

_ Kurt is reliving an incident that happened his junior year this time. He’s surrounded by Karofsky and his goons, and they’re kicking and punching whatever area of Kurt’s body they can find. He cries out as Karofsky gets in a hard kick to his skull.  _

_ “Please, stop,” Kurt croaks through tears of pain. He knows that pleading isn’t going to get him anywhere, but he doesn’t know what else to do.  _

_ Karofsky laughs and spits in his face. “Stop!” He commands his group of neanderthals who look up at him confused. Kurt thinks that maybe he’s actually listened to his pleas for once. When Karofsky hauls him up by the scruff of his shirt and shoves him into the nearby bathroom, Kurt knows that what he’s got coming for him is much worse than anything the group of boys could have done. _

_ “Oh, dear god, please no!” Kurt screams, trying to get out of Karofsky’s grasp. The bigger boy just laughs and shoves Kurt down onto his knees, pulling his clothes off with him. Karofsky pulls Kurt’s wrists back and pulls his hair so that he’s forced to bring his face next to the bigger boy’s. “You’re hurting me! Stop!” Kurt pleads again, hoping that someone will come into the bathroom and save him. _

_ Kurt waits, helpless, as Karofsky unzips his pants and enters Kurt with one hard thrust. _

_ “Kurt! Kurt... “ Karofsky says, sounding somewhat alarmed, which confuses Kurt. “Kurt! Wake up!”  Why would Karofsky be telling me to wake up? Kurt thinks, still succumbed to his nightmare. _

Meanwhile, Burt desperately tries to get his son to wake up. He’d woken up, hearing a shout of “You’re hurting me! Stop!” and immediately ran down to his son’s room, believing an intruder was in their house hurting his precious Kurt.

When Burt reaches his son’s room and realizes Kurt is in the midst of a nightmare, he doesn’t know what to do. Kurt hasn’t had a nightmare in front of Burt since his mother died. Burt ends up nudging Kurt’s shoulders, trying to wake the boy up. “Kurt!” Burt yells, hoping that Kurt can hear him through his tormenting dream. “Wake up!”

It takes Burt ten minutes to finally get Kurt awake, but when the boy does wake up, his eyes dart around the room and Burt can tell that Kurt is still trapped within the realm of his nightmare. Kurt’s eyes land on Burt, and he quickly scurries away from his father, falling off the bed and landing on his butt on the other side. “Don’t hurt me,” Kurt says, looking up at his father, whom he just sees as a looming figure. Burt’s heart breaks as he hears his son’s words. Kurt’s eyes are big and scared, looking up at Burt with trepidation. 

Burt takes a small victory in the fact that Kurt talked to him, even though it was to say what he did. He walks over to where Kurt is sitting on the floor, kneeling down next to his son. He puts his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, who violently flinches away from his father. “Don’t touch me!” he exclaims, eyes wide with fright.

“Kurt, it’s me. Your dad,” Burt says, hoping he’s doing the right thing in this situation. “You’re at your house, safe. I’m not going to hurt you.” Burt sighs in relief as he sees recognition overlap the fear in Kurt’s eyes.

“Daddy?” Kurt asks, crawling over to his father, who has a lone tear falling down his cheek. He nods at Kurt, who gets up to sit in his father’s lap, clinging to his nightshirt so hard his knuckles turn white.

Burt kisses his son’s forehead, grasping Kurt in a fierce hug. “I’m here,” Burt says, whispering calm words into Kurt’s ears. “It’s okay; everything will be alright.”

“Don’t let them hurt me, daddy,” Kurt says, burying his face in his dad’s chest. He revels in the protective hold of his father, hoping Burt doesn’t ever have to let go. Burt wraps his arms tighter around his son, more tears flowing down his cheeks.

“I won’t let them hurt you, Kurt. I won’t ever let them hurt you again,” Burt knows who his son is talking about, having seen the bruises on Kurt’s back which led to him taking action against Kurt’s bullies. “I love you, Kurt,” he says, laying Kurt down on his bed.

“I love you too, Daddy,” Kurt says, closing his eyes and falling asleep once more.

-/-

The next day, Kurt wakes up feeling the opposite of refreshed. As opposed to what happened with Blaine, Kurt remembers everything of what happened the night before, including talking to his father. 

_ Shit _ , he thinks to him, knowing his father is going to confront him about what happened that night. He gets up and takes his time in doing his morning routine, brushing his teeth and combing out his hair slower than he usually would. He wants to hold off the upcoming conversation for as long as possible, not wanting to have to face his father’s disappointment when he realizes Kurt still isn’t going to talk to him, no matter that he’d spoken words in a moment of vulnerability.

He walks up the stairs slowly, dragging his feet. He hears his dad whistling in the kitchen and smells coffee, so he knows he can’t avoid having this conversation. He walks into the kitchen, avoiding looking anywhere near his father, who immediately stops whistling when he sees Kurt. He pours Kurt a cup of coffee, mixing in the cream and sugar in it the way he knows his son likes. He gives Kurt his cup, who nods in thanks, and then sits down at the table himself.

“You spoke to me last night,” Burt says, looking at his son inquisitively. Kurt nods, looking down at his coffee to avoid looking at his father. “Are you going to do it again?” Kurt shakes his head no and Burt sighs. “It’s okay,” he reassures Kurt, seeing his son’s guilty expression. “You just take your time.” Burt hopes that Kurt talking to him last night means that Kurt is on the road to recovering from his traumatic past, but he’s not so sure.

** Thank you for helping me ** , Kurt writes, looking up at the loving eyes of his father for the first time that morning. He really is thankful to his father. If Burt hadn’t intervened at the time he did, Kurt would have relived one of the worst rapes he’d ever recieved from Karofsky.

“Of course I helped you, buddy. I’m your dad and I love you. I couldn’t just sit back and watch you have a nightmare without trying to help,” Burt says, looking at his son incredulously. He can’t believe that Kurt thinks he needs to thank him for his actions. He was just doing what any good, loving father would do. “Do you wanna talk about what happened in your nightmare?”

Kurt shakes his head but knows his father deserves an explanation. He knows he can’t tell his dad about the sexual assault, but Burt already knows about the bullying.  ** Just Karofsky and his goons; it’s no big deal ** , Kurt writes out, watching his father for a reaction. Burt gets angry; how can Kurt think what happened to him wasn’t a big deal? How can he brush it off like that?

“Kurt, what happened to you was not your fault,” Burt says after seeing the guilt in his son’s eyes. “You are a strong, young man, and what happened to you was no fault of your own. It’s disgusting and degrading what those boys thought was okay to do to you.”

Kurt nods, feeling tears spring to his eyes.  ** I love you, Dad ** **,** he writes out, reaching to give his dad a hug.

“I love you too, Kurt. I love you too.”

-/-

It’s not until Kurt sees Blaine the next day after getting back from his house that he has a revelation.  _ If I’d talked to my dad after a nightmare, what if I had talked to Blaine too? _ It wasn’t uncommon for Kurt to not remember his nightmares and what happened after them, so he was afraid that he had talked to Blaine. Not to mention that Blaine is probably going to want to talk about what happened Friday night.

He walked into his room, Blaine sitting on his bed reading some  _ Harry Potter _ book. When Blaine hears the door open he looks up and gives Kurt a curious glance. He sets his book aside and says to Kurt, “Hi, Kurt. How was your weekend?” Blaine asks, already knowing how Friday was but hoping the rest of Kurt’s weekend went okay. Kurt shrugs, sitting down on his bed. “Can we talk about Friday?”

Blaine was very happy that Kurt had reached out to him on Friday. He was glad that the boy felt comfortable enough around him to reach for comfort in the form of Blaine’s voice. Blaine knows how getting things of your chest feels and how much less stressful everything is once it’s been done, and he hopes Kurt will inform him of what happened.

** My dad missed last week’s Friday night dinner to go on a date. That alone made me upset because Friday night dinners were a tradition started by my mom, and the fact that he would ditch one to go out on a date hurts. He invited Carole, the person he went out with last week, over for dinner. Carole had a son who went to my old school. He’s okay, I guess, but he’s always been really confused about my silence and doesn’t understand it. He and Carole tried forcing words out of me, and I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry if I annoyed you ** , Kurt squeezes all of the letters on his whiteboard, barely having enough room for the last few words. He watches for Blaine’s reaction as he reads. At first, Blaine is sad, but then his expression turns angry. 

“They had no right to do that!” Blaine exclaims, walking over to Kurt’s bed. “They should be ashamed of themselves, trying to force you into something like that!” Kurt is happy that Blaine is defending him, but he also doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t believe that he’s worth it. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to call me,” Blaine says, patting Kurt on the shoulder.

Kurt nods, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat.  ** Blaine, I have a question ** , he writes out on his board. Blaine acknowledges his writing and nods, telling Kurt to continue.  ** On Saturday, I had a nightmare about the bullying. According to my dad, I’d cried out in my sleep, and he came rushing down worried about me. And when he got me to wake up, I remember talking to him, like physically speaking. **

Blaine sharply inhales, knowing the question Kurt is going to ask next. He briefly wonders if Kurt had talked to his father for the rest of the weekend then, or if Kurt had stuck to his whiteboard. 

** Did I ever actually talk to you, Blaine?  ** Kurt inquires. Blaine slowly nods, worried about Kurt’s reaction. Blaine doesn’t know if Kurt is going to be sad or indifferent or angry, and he’s afraid Kurt will be upset with him for not telling Kurt sooner.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Kurt,” Blaine says, avoiding Kurt’s gaze. “I just thought that if I’d told you, you’d either get upset or feel pressured to talk more. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible with me… You have a beautiful voice, though.” Blaine blushes at the end, looking at Kurt again, gauging for a reaction.  Kurt blushes as well, avoiding Blaine’s gaze.

** I want to talk to you, Blaine, I just don’t know how. I’m afraid ** , Kurt writes, looking down at his feet. He feels pathetic for talking to Blaine and being clueless about it. He feels pathetic for being afraid to talk to Blaine. Kurt knows how easy it is for other people to say what’s on their mind, but every time Kurt does he just gets shot down. He doesn’t know how to be assertive for himself. He lost that part of him when Karofsky confronted him in the locker room that fateful day.

“You don’t have to if you don’t feel the time is right. I will wait for whenever you’re ready, but if you want to talk, you can. I won’t ever leave you because of what you say. Although I would love to hear your voice again, I’m not going to pressure you, Kurt. Take as much time as you need,” Blaine says, hoping Kurt believes him. Although he hopes that Kurt talks to him sooner than later, he knows how hard it will be for Kurt and he will wait decades to hear Kurt’s lovely voice again.

“Thank you, Blaine,” Kurt’s voice is barely even a whisper, but hearing it makes Blaine’s head snap up and look straight into Kurt’s eyes. He smile spreads from ear to ear. Blaine feels like the happiest man on earth at that moment. 

“I’m so proud of you, Kurt,” Blaine says, hugging the fragile boy. Kurt smiles slightly and hugs Blaine back. He’s proud of himself, too, for once. It had taken him a long time to be able to trust Blaine, but he did it. And seeing Blaine’s proud smile just made him feel better.

“I… I trust you, Blaine,” Kurt says, hoping Blaine is going to accept him. Blaine hugs him tighter, still shocked by the fact that Kurt is talking.

“Thank you, Kurt. Thank you so much for trusting me,” Blaine says, ending the hug with Kurt. A tear slips down his cheek and Kurt cups Blaine’s cheek, brushing the falling tear away with his thumb. And before he knows he’s even doing it, his lips are touching Blaine’s, and it seems like fireworks are going off in the recesses of Kurt’s mind.

-/-

A/N: I hope you like this chapter! I’m not as happy with it as I am with the other one’s, but I think it’s okay. Kurt’s finally talking, and there’s finally a Klaine kiss! So I guess that’s a good thing.

Thank you so much for reading, I’ll love you forever if you review!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Special thanks to clocklockworks on fanfiction.net for giving me one of the best reviews I’ve gotten on this story!

I’m sure you’re all dying to get on to this chapter considering what happened at the end of the last one, and I’m tempted to make this A/N last super long to stall you from reading, but I can’t think of anything to say, so here you go!

Warnings: Self-harm, rape

Pretty please review!

-/-

Blaine was surprised when he heard Kurt talk, but even more surprised when he felt the soft lips of his roommate’s against his own. At first he was too shocked to respond to the kiss, but soon Blaine was moving his lips with Kurt’s, enjoying the feel of soft lips pressed against his own. When the tip of Kurt’s tongue hesitantly touches Blaine’s lips, he opens his mouth, deepening the kiss, enjoying the feel of Kurt’s tongue against his own.

Blaine is upset when Kurt breaks the kiss and leans away from him. He slowly opens his eyes again and sighs happily when he sees Kurt looking at him with what looks like peace on his face. Blaine smiles at seeing the red tinge to the other boy’s cheeks.

“So…” Kurt says, and Blaine’s smile widens when he hears Kurt’s voice again. Blaine loves Kurt’s voice because it’s so beautiful and perfect, but he loves it even more because he knows that for Kurt to be able to talk to him, he trusts him so fully. 

“Yeah,” Blaine says, leading Kurt to his bed. “I’m just gonna jump right out and say it. I like you, Kurt.” The shorter boy smiles up at Kurt, hoping his reaction is a good one. When he sees Kurt smile, he knows it is. 

“I like you too,” Kurt says, looking away from Blaine with a blush on his cheeks. Blaine is so happy he could scream. But he won’t, that might make the situation a little awkward. He just can’t believe that Kurt likes him. Kurt actually likes him. Blaine feels like he’s floating as he takes Kurt’s soft hand and grasps it in his.

“I’m glad you trust me, Kurt,” Blaine says, hoping the comment won’t make his roommate close off on himself again. It doesn’t because Kurt nods and scoots closer to Blaine, resting his head on the boy’s shoulder.

“I’’m glad I trust you, too,” Kurt says, his tone light. “I haven’t had anyone to talk to for a while, and I’m glad I can talk to you.” Kurt wishes he could be with Blaine forever, but he knows Blaine probably will get tired of him after a while. He tells himself not to focus on those thoughts and just threads his fingers together with Blaine’s.

“Do you… um,” Blaine laughs, awkwardly. He’s never properly done this with anyone. He had sworn off love for a little while after an awkward performance at a Gap which he had hidden in the recesses of his brain and which Kurt will never find out about. “Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” 

Kurt blushes. He’s never done anything like this either, albeit for different reasons than Blaine, but that doesn’t matter right now. “As long as you’ll have me,” Kurt says, a little breathlessly. Blaine smiles and kisses Kurt’s hair.

“Of course, baby,” Blaine hopes he’s allowed to say that, and with a quick glance to Kurt’s blushing but happy face, he exhales in relief, knowing he hasn’t crossed a line.

After checking the clock Blaine swears and says, “It’s late, Kurt. We should probably get to bed.” Kurt nods and lets go of Blaine’s hand sadly. After changing into his pajamas and crawling into bed, Kurt whispers a goodnight to Blaine before flicking the light off.

Thirty minutes later, Kurt sits up in his bed again. “Blaine?” he whispers across the room, hoping his roommate isn’t asleep yet. He sees Blaine roll over from his position on his stomach and look up drowsily. Kurt feels bad for disturbing him, but he’ll get over it.

“Yeah, babe?” Blaine says, sleep evident in his voice. He knows he should be maybe a little annoyed at Kurt, but he’s not. He sits up and looks at Kurt, hoping everything is okay.

Kurt smiles at the pet name coming from Blaine’s lips and says, “Could… could you maybe sleep in my bed tonight? I just… I can’t get to sleep, and I was wondering if maybe… maybe the nightmares would stop if you were there,” Kurt hopes Blaine comes over to his bed. It’s humiliating enough as it is, asking Blaine this question. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I know it’s stupid, I’ll just--”

Blaine cuts Kurt off by kissing his lips, Kurt having been too involved in second guessing himself to notice Blaine move over to his bed. Blaine crawls into bed with his boyfriend, burrowing under the covers and pulling Kurt down, wrapping a protective arm around the boy. Kurt smiles and leans into Blaine, sighing happily. “Is this okay?” Blaine asks.

Kurt kisses Blaine’s cheek before responding. “Perfect.”

-/-

Kurt wakes up in Blaine’s arms feeling more refreshed than he has in a long time. Blaine is snuggling into the back of his neck and Kurt can feel the boy’s even breathing and the hair on the back of his neck stands up. He smiles and turns to face his boyfriend. His boyfriend! Kurt’s never been able to say that before, and for once, he’s excited about something. He can’t wait to walk down the Dalton halls and proudly hold his boyfriend’s hand.

That probably won’t happen at first. Even if Blaine does want to come out into the open about their relationship, Kurt doubts he’d be able to walk into the Dalton halls knowing how many stares he would get from the various Dalton boys. The Warblers alone would probably go haywire. Either way, if Blaine is willing, Kurt wants to try to be open about their relationship. He knows he keeps too many secrets already, and he doesn’t want Blaine to think he’s ashamed of him. 

Blaine starts shifting next to him, and Kurt watches as his roommate wakes up. “Hello, sleepyhead,” Kurt says, smiling at Blaine’s cute groggy morning look. Blaine leans in for a kiss and Kurt puts a hand up to stop him. “Morning breath, he explains before getting up to fix his hair and brush his teeth in the bathroom.

Blaine sighs, shaking his head lovingly at his boyfriend. Blaine’s still feeling euphoric from last night. It’s one thing for Kurt to kiss him, but for him to like him back makes Blaine feel like the most amazing person in the world. He’s so honored that Kurt would even talk to him, let alone love him. He hopes Kurt wishes to make their relationship public, but will wait eons for the boy to be ready. He sincerely believes that after he gets to know Kurt better as more than a friend that he will fall in love with the boy.

“Kurt, you’ll need to be ready in fifteen minutes. We slept late… I hope you had a good night’s sleep,” Blaine says, brushing through his curls and gelling them halfheartedly. Seeing as he didn’t wake up to Kurt shifting or shouting out in the night, Blaine assumes Kurt slept well, but he still wants to check in with his boyfriend and make sure their sleeping arrangement was okay.

“I slept better than I have in years, Blaine,” Kurt replies honestly, poking his head out the door of the bathroom, smiling at his boyfriend struggling to get his left shoe on. After coifing his hair one last time, Kurt steps out looking radiant even though he’s only in his Dalton uniform. 

“Are you going to talk to others, Kurt? I understand if you choose not to,” Blaine says, gauging his boyfriend’s reaction. Kurt shakes his head, a reply Blaine was expecting.

“So, um… How do you feel about… telling people, about us, I mean?” Blaine says, looking questioningly at his boyfriend. “I mean, we don’t have to if you’re not comfortable, I’ll wait as long as you need, I’d just rather--”

“Blaine,” Kurt says, cutting his boyfriend off by kissing him. “I’d love to be open about our relationship in public, as long as you’re comfortable with it. Let’s just… hold hands and wing it, okay?” Kurt can hardly believe what is coming out of his mouth. The idea of going out in a hallway, full of Dalton boys, holding hands with Blaine makes him anxious, not because he’s ashamed to be with Blaine, but because he doesn’t want that attention put on him. Kurt knows he’s well on his way to falling for Blaine, and fast.

“That’s great, baby,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt’s lips tenderly. Kurt sighs happily, kissing his boyfriend back with fervor. Blaine runs his tongue along his boyfriend’s lips, and Kurt allows him entry, their tongues mingling before they both pull away, knowing they need to get to class.

“Ready?” Blaine asks, holding out his hand for Kurt to take. Kurt threads his fingers together with Blaine’s and nods, preparing himself as best he can for the onslaught of stares he and Blaine are sure to receive. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, smiling when Blaine squeezes his hand in support.

Kurt was prepared for the stares, but was not expecting what he and Blaine received. Virtually no one was looking away from Kurt and Blaine’s joined hands. Kurt tenses, imagining the thoughts of those staring. Thoughts like wow, why is Blaine dating that freak? and I thought Blaine had better taste than that. Blaine squeezes his boyfriend’s hands, looking at Kurt with concerned eyes. ‘You okay?’ Blaine mouths. Kurt nods, smiling reassuringly at his boyfriend. Sure, he’s tense and on guard, terrified of being slushied, punched, or thrown into a locker, but subconsciously he knows that no one at Dalton is going to hurt him.

It seems like hours before Kurt and Blaine reach their first period class, where, thankfully, people are respectful enough to try to conceal their ogling. Kurt and Blaine sit in their respective seats. Blaine whispers something to Trent and then the boy excitedly squeals and smiles at Kurt. “I’m so happy for you,” he says, winking at Kurt. Kurt blushes and thankfully isn’t expected to respond to Trent as the teacher requests the class’ attention soon afterward. 

The stares thankfully die down before lunch, although Kurt is still tense as he and Blaine walk into the cafeteria. They walk up to the Warbler table and immediately all eyes are on them. “Kurt and I are together,” Blaine says, rather bluntly, as he sits down and begins to eat. Kurt blushes and looks to the floor. Most of the Warblers cheer, aside from Sebastian who sneers from the other side of the table.

“Why are you dating that freak?” he says, looking at Kurt like he’s a piece of dirt on his shoe. “He can’t even talk to you, Blaine.” Kurt tenses hoping Blaine isn’t going to tell people that he’s been talking to him. Blaine notices this and squeezes Kurt’s hand under the table.

“We care about each other, Sebastian, something you know nothing about,” Blaine retorts. Kurt nods, smiling a little bit at the floor. Blaine smiles at Kurt, giving him a peck on the cheek and making him blush.

“Of course you do,” Sebastian says, smirking. “Like anyone would care about that freak. He doesn’t deserve you, Blaine.” Sebastian smiles at seeing tears start falling from Kurt’s eyes. “He doesn’t deserve anyone.”

Kurt starts writing something on his board, which he had pulled from his bag when he stepped up to the Warblers’ table, but then erases violently before standing up and running away from the table. “Why the fuck would you do that, Sebastian?!” Blaine yells angrily. “Was one punch in the face not enough?” 

Blaine starts toward Sebastian, hand already clenched into a fist, but a gentle hand on his elbow stops him. He looks down to see Wes frowning up at him. “Go to Kurt, Blaine. Make sure he’s okay. We’ll deal with this.” Blaine nods before rushing out of the cafeteria to his dorm.

Kurt rushes into his dorm and immediately heads for the bathroom, scrambling to look for his blades. His hands are shaking and when he finally locates one, his hand slips and it falls to the floor. Before he can pick it up, however, Blaine rushes into the room. Kurt disregards him and starts scratching his arms with his nails, not worrying that he’s not drawing blood, just needing the pain to distract him. Blaine rushes into the bathroom and grabs Kurt’s arms, preventing him from scratching them up anymore. 

Blaine looks at his wounds before realizing they’re not too major and kissing each and every one of Kurt’s scars on his wrists. Kurt’s tears keep flowing and he turns to bury his face in Blaine’s shoulder. “Shh, it’s okay, baby,” Blaine says, hoping to comfort Kurt enough that his tears stop. “Nothing he said was true, I promise.”

Kurt shakes his head, disbelieving Blaine’s words. “Yes, it was,” he moans into Blaine’s shoulder, tears ebbing away. Blaine rubs his hand comfortingly on Kurt’s back.

“Kurt, look at me,” Blaine says, pulling Kurt’s chin so that Kurt is looking at him. Kurt wipes away his remaining tears, sniffling and looking at Blaine. “You’re perfect, okay? Nothing Sebastian says will ever change my opinion of you. You deserve so much more than me, okay? Not the other way around.” 

Kurt nods and hugs Blaine, snuggling into his boyfriend for support. Thank you, Blaine,” Kurt says, letting Blaine pick him up and carry him to his bed. “I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me.”

“You have no idea how much you mean to me,” Blaine says, laying Kurt down and kissing his forehead. “No afternoon classes for you today, okay? I’ll tell your teachers you’re sick. Just get some sleep, baby.”

Kurt nods, already dozing off. Blaine kisses his boyfriend’s forehead once more before leaving Kurt to sleep in what he hopes will be peace.

-/-

The rest of the week passes by rather uneventfully, aside from Kurt having a nightmare on Wednesday and Sebastian being a jerk on Thursday. Kurt decides it’s best that he doesn’t go to the next Friday night dinner, still recuperating from the last one. Burt approves of his decision, knowing that Kurt will need time to get used to the idea of his father dating again. 

The Saturday evening is Kurt and Blaine’s first real date. Blaine had asked Kurt out by singing “Teenage Dream” and handing Kurt a bouquet of red roses after the heartwarming performance. Kurt automatically nodded yes to the date, albeit a little tearfully. 

Blaine had driven them to the restaurant in comfortable silence, soft music playing through the speakers of his car. The restaurant was a cozy Italian place on the outskirts of Westerville, providing Kurt and Blaine with the private location they’d both enjoy for a first date. They were seated at a booth in a secluded part of the restaurant, the dim lights setting the perfect ambience for a first date. Kurt is impressed with Blaine’s elegant choice in dining, but as soon as he looked at the pricy items on the menu he protested, not wanting Blaine to spend that much money on him. He wasn’t worth it.

Blaine, knowing Kurt’s train of thought by now, takes his boyfriend’s chin so that Kurt is looking at him. “You are worth every penny,” he says, looking at Kurt with the utmost care. “I promise. A little splurging on someone I care about isn’t going to break my bank.” Only until Blaine knows that Kurt understands does he let go of Kurt’s chin, going back to examining the menu.

“Do you want me to order for you?” Blaine asks, looking at Kurt across the table, knowing his boyfriend is still uncomfortable with the thought of communicating verbally with other people. Kurt nods and points out what he wants, spaghetti bolognese with a side salad, before thanking Blaine for caring.

“I’ll do anything for you, Kurt,” Blaine says, reaching across the table to hold Kurt’s hand. “You’re one of the strongest, most inspirational people I know.” Kurt blushes and smiles at Blaine across the table.

“I’m only strong because of you,” Kurt half-whispers, surprised at how much Blaine cares about him. Kurt is slowly falling in love with Blaine, a path that he knows is dangerous but one that he can’t make himself stop. One that he doesn’t want to stop. Blaine smiles at his boyfriend and winks as their waitress comes to take their orders.

“Ravioli for me please, and only the best spaghetti bolognese for my gorgeous boyfriend,” Blaine says, looking lovingly at Kurt, who blushes at Blaine’s comment. The waitress smiles as she takes their menu and pours more water in their glasses.

“You too are just adorable,” she says, smiling as she writes their orders down. “Anything else?” After the boys shake their heads, the waitress leaves to put in their orders.

“I’m so glad you kissed me that day,” Blaine says, leaning his head on his arm and looking at Kurt across the table. “I don’t think I’d have ever taken my head out of my ass and told you about my feelings if you hadn’t.”

Kurt takes a sip of his water and then replies, “I’m glad I did, too. Otherwise I wouldn’t have such a fantastic boyfriend as you. I was worried that you wouldn’t like me back.” He looks away a little shyly, not used to talking about his feelings very often.

“Why wouldn’t I have feelings for you?” Blaine says, taking Kurt’s hand in his again. “Anyone would have to be blind or stupid not to fall in love with you.”

“F-fall in love?” Kurt stutters, almost choking on his water. As much as he cares for Blaine, they’ve only been together for five days, not nearly long enough to be forming feelings that strong yet.

“Well, not yet at least, but I know that I will, after some time,” Blaine says, blushing a little. It’s the first time Kurt has seen Blaine blush, and he vows to make Blaine do it again more often. Kurt nods, understanding Blaine’s notion, and then the waitress comes back with their food.

“This looks wonderful, thank you,” Blaine says politely. The Italian food looks mouthwatering, steam billowing up from each plate. Blaine takes a piece of ravioli and blows on it before taking his fork into his mouth and moaning. Kurt tenses a little and hopes Blaine doesn’t notice. At the same time Blaine’s moan makes Kurt uncomfortable it also does something to him that’s never happened before. 

Kurt distracts himself by taking a bite of his meal, loving how his food tastes. “This is wonderful, Blaine. Thank you so much for taking me here.” This time it’s Kurt that takes Blaine’s hand, rubbing his thumb into his boyfriend’s callused palm. 

“Only the best for you, sweetheart,” Blaine says, smiling at Kurt. He’s ecstatic that Kurt is enjoying the date and can barely contain his joy at Kurt’s comment. He knows Kurt deserves the best in the world, and Blaine hopes that one day he can take Kurt to Italy himself. It certainly wouldn’t be a problem with the amount of money his family had.

Blaine’s father was a doctor, a pediatric surgeon, and his mother was a successful lawyer. Already set for college, Blaine has enough money to spare to send Kurt to Paris any time he wanted, multiple times. Blaine would give Kurt the world if he asked. Hell, Blaine would give Kurt the world even if he didn’t ask. The only thing Blaine could possibly want right now is for Kurt to be happy.

After both boys had finished their meals, the waitress came back with fresh tiramisu winking and saying the dessert was “On the house.” Blaine thanked her profusely for both the free dessert and the excellent service, making sure to give her a generous tip.

After receiving the Italian dessert, Blaine and Kurt had taken turns feeding each other, Kurt enjoying the cute aspects of his relationship. “I think you should come to my next Friday night dinner,” Kurt says quietly, after the tiramisu is finished. “I know it seems a little early for you to be meeting my dad, but I think it’s only fair that if I meet his new love interest, he meets mine.”

Blaine nods, understanding Kurt’s reasoning. Although Blaine is a little intimidated by the prospect of meeting Kurt’s father, he’s honored that Kurt would care for him enough to want him to meet his father. Blaine also wants to address something that Kurt may or may not agree with regarding his father. “I was wondering, Kurt, that maybe since you’d talked to me first in your sleep, and then talked to your dad in your sleep, and then started talking to me, that maybe… maybe you’d want to talk to your dad? You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with that, but I’m sure your father would love to hear your voice, even if you only say one thing to him and that’s hello. Please don’t think I’m pressuring you in any way though, because I promise that is not what I’m doing.” Blaine stands up and sits next to Kurt, placing his hands over Kurt’s.

Kurt nods, understanding what Blaine is saying, although not completely confident enough to talk in front of his father again. “I’ll think about it,” Kurt says, smiling at Blaine, who smiles proudly and kisses his boyfriend softly on the lips.

After paying the bill and thanking the wonderful staff of the restaurant, Kurt and Blaine make their way back to Dalton, stomachs filled and minds in happy places.

Back at the room, Blaine places soft kisses on Kurt’s neck, trailing up before finally kissing Kurt’s lips. Kurt whimpers a little, tongue trailing Blaine’s lips before his boyfriend allows him entrance. Blaine leads Kurt to his bed so that they’re laying down side by side, never breaking the kiss he and Kurt are deeply involved in. Kurt places and arm on Blaine’s chest before Blaine breaks the kiss to breathe. Kurt peppers kisses on Blaine’s jawline before kissing Blaine’s lips again, loving the exhilarating feel he gets when he kisses his boyfriend.

Kurt never thought kissing could be like this, warm and soft and  nice . All Kurt had ever known of kissing is cold and full of hate and pain. But kissing Blaine is like nothing he’s ever done before, and he loves it. Kurt loves the feel of his boyfriend’s lips against his. 

Blaine’s hand is on the small of Kurt’s back, pulling Kurt towards him, bringing their chests together. “Mmm, Kurt,” Blaine says, breathlessly, before kissing Kurt passionately. Kurt brings his hand to rest on Blaine’s cheek, deepening the kiss. Blaine’s tongue and his intermingle, but the kisses aren’t sloppy and wet, their passionate and beautiful.

And then Blaine’s hand travels down further, to the swell of Kurt’s ass and at first it’s wonderful, but then, all of a sudden, the hand isn’t Blaine’s. It’s bigger. Harder. Rougher. And Kurt is pushing Blaine away frantically, lost in a world of hatred and pain.

_ “Don’t touch me, please!” Kurt says, terrified of the looming figure in front of him. Karofsky slaps him across the face and Kurt whimpers, terrified of what his bully is capable. “Please, stop!” _

_ Karofsky doesn’t seem to hear Kurt’s pleas as he roughly pulls down the boy’s pants, and then thrusting into him violently. “No!” Kurt says, struggling to get away from the bigger boy. “Please, no…” Kurt feels like his entire body is being split in two, tearing right down the middle.  _

_ “You love this, faggot,” Karofsky says harshly, spitting in the terrified boy’s face. “You were born to fuck like this.” Kurt shakes his head, tears coming to his eyes. Karofsky lands a swat on Kurt’s ass, making the boy cry out once more. Karofsky thrusts harder and faster, drawing pleasure from the boy’s cries of pains. _

_ “Stop it, please!” Kurt screams, scrambling to get away from the boy assaulting him. “I don’t want this, you’re hurting me!” Kurt keeps crying out, but he knows it’s no use. No one is going to come help him. This is his life, and it will be his life for many years to come. _

_ Kurt cries out as Karofsky climaxes inside of him, feeling disgusting and used. Karofsky throws his limp body away from him, making Kurt cry out one last time before blacking out. _

_Blaine doesn’t kno_ w what is happening. He felt that everything was going great. He and Kurt were passionately kissing, chests drawn close together. But then Blaine had moved to place his hand on Kurt’s ass and Kurt had violently flinched away, pushing Blaine in the process.

When Blaine looks at the boy after getting over his shock, Kurt seems to be lost in a different world. “Don’t touch me, please!” A distressed cry comes from the boy’s mouth, but Kurt doesn’t seem to be directing it to Blaine, rather someone that seems to be in Kurt’s own mind, a terror from his past maybe. 

Kurt whimpers again and then Blaine hears the boy say, “Please, stop!” His heart breaks for the boy in front of him, cowering on his bed, triggered for some reason by Blaine putting his hand on his ass. Blaine notices tears coming down from Kurt’s eyes and realizes he should do something to help his boyfriend.

“Kurt!” Blaine says, trying to get his boyfriend’s attention. Kurt doesn’t seem to be registering that Blaine is talking to him, stuck in whatever horrors he is seeing in his head. Blaine is afraid to touch him after what happened. 

He hears more cries coming from Kurt and then a passionate, “Stop it, please! I don’t want this, you’re hurting me!” Blaine desperately wants to know what is happening to Kurt and how he can stop it, but he doesn’t know how. Blaine is hopelessly helpless and he feels terrible. 

“Kurt! You’re at Dalton! You’re safe!” Blaine says, sternly, hoping that his message gets through to Kurt through whatever horrible thing is happening to his boyfriend. Blaine is terrified. He doesn’t know what’s happening. Should he get help? Should he try to get Kurt out of whatever is happening? Should he just wait it out? Blaine doesn’t know.

After crying out a few more times, Kurt seems to be coming back to the real world. His eyes seem to recognize more of the world around him, but he still seems held back by whatever that was that happened. “Kurt?” Blaine says, hesitantly, moving closer to his boyfriend.

“Blaine?” Kurt says, blinking back to reality.  Oh no , Kurt says, knowing what has happened. He’s had flashbacks before, of course, but never have they ever been in front of a person he knew. In front of his  boyfriend , of course, because he’d never had a boyfriend before. He felt humiliated and he knows it’s time to explain to Blaine more about his past.

“Kurt,” Blaine says, lovingly even though he’s confused. “What the fuck was that?”

-/-

A/N: Ooooh! I hope you enjoyed that. I have the rest of this story planned out, I just don’t know what’s going to happen in every chapter. I do know, however, that Blaine is going to meet Burt in the next chapter and that Kurt will explain what happened in his past to Blaine. :)

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I liked writing it, although it was somewhat hard. 

I’m sorry if the making out is awkward. I don’t have any experience with tongue because I hate having things fill my mouth because of a situation similar to that of Kurt’s.

Anyways, pretty please review! :)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hello! I'm sure you're looking forward to reading the next chapter, so I'll keep this short. Sorry for any mistakes made, I am home sick today.

_ Thoughts in italics .  _ ** Whiteboard writing in bold . **

Warnings: talk of rape

Please review! :)

-/-

“Kurt,” Blaine says, lovingly even though he’s confused. “What the fuck was that?”

Kurt lets out a shaky breath and looks up at Blaine, watery eyes filled with a sadness that Blaine can’t even begin to comprehend. “I guess I should explain some stuff to you,” the boy says, wrapping his arms around himself. He’s not as afraid of this moment as he should be, and Kurt doesn’t know if that’s a good sign or not.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me if you don’t want to, Kurt,” Blaine says, reaching out halfway, hoping that Kurt will take his hand. He doesn’t know Kurt’s boundaries anymore, and he doesn’t want to touch his boyfriend for fear of causing another reaction like the one earlier. “I understand if it’s too much to talk about, really, I do. And as much as I know you’d probably feel better talking about it and I’d feel less confused, it’s entirely your choice. If you’re not ready to talk about it or you’re not comfortable, that’s okay. We can talk about it some other time.” Blaine smiles reassuringly at Kurt when the boy takes his hand, rubbing his thumb over Blaine’s calloused palm.

“I know, Blaine, but… you need to know this.” Kurt knows he needs to tell Blaine about his past before their relationship advances any further, emotionally and physically. Keeping something like this bottled inside is not healthy, and Kurt knows that. It’s just always been easier for him to ignore and avoid his problems rather than bring them forward and talk them out. 

“I guess I should start with why I stopped talking. The… the homophobic jerks at my old school hated my voice. I used to be so proud of it,” Kurt says, smiling at the memories of dancing around with Rachel and Mercedes in the choir room, attempting to hit Glinda’s notes in Wicked, proud of his beautiful countertenor voice. “But they took that away from me. They would tell me how girly I sounded and how much of a fairy my voice made me. They would choke me when they beat me, to… to get my voice to stop being so weird, and they all just hated it. Except for one.”

Kurt takes in a shaky breath and closes his eyes, a stray tear falling down his cheek. Blaine squeezes his hand, listening intently to Kurt’s past story. “He, for some reason, always loved hearing my voice. He would tell me to open my mouth and sing him a song with the pretty voice of mine, always wanted to hear how high I could sing. I never really understood why. I mean, the school’s glee club was the bottom of the food chain, and now this neanderthal, this jock at the top of the social ladder up with the cheerleaders, wanted to hear my voice. I didn’t understand at all, and… and I didn’t want to sing for him. He didn’t deserve to hear my voice.”

Blaine moves so that he’s sitting next to Kurt, knowing the worst is yet to come. He puts a hand on Kurt’s back, soothingly rubbing it up and down the other boy’s spine. “I confronted him one day. About everything. He’d just shoved me into a locker and I’d had enough. So I got up and ran after him into the locker room and… and I started yelling at him. I barely remember what I said to him. I-I called him an ignoramus and then he started screaming at me, not to push him over the edge, like I hadn’t done that already just by being gay.”

“I hadn’t pushed him over the edge,” Kurt says, with a somewhat morbid smile. “K-karofsky had gotten so close to me, I thought he was going to hit me. I told him to, I actually did. I wasn’t afraid of him. I should have been though. He didn’t hit me, but oh, god, I wish he did. I’m yelling all of this trash at him and the next thing I know my back is against the locker and his meaty hands are pressed against my face and he’s  _ kissing _ me.”

Blaine gasps, angry and shocked by what Kurt has just revealed to him. Kurt has tears rolling down his face, which Blaine doesn’t even think he’s noticed, too engrossed in telling his morbid tale. Blaine can see the trauma in Kurt’s eyes and knows there’s more. He doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to ask, but he knows he has to. “Did he.. did he do anything else?”

Kurt nods, wiping the tears away from his face. “He shoved me down to the floor. I… I tried to get away, but he was  so strong. He hit me and then pushed me to the ground and… and he pulled my pants down. And I screamed for help, I really did, but no one came and he… he raped me,” Kurt says the last part in a whisper, turning away from Blaine, who’s anger turns to loathing and a strong need to go to McKinley and beat Karofsky until he can’t ever move again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Kurt sobs. “I didn’t want for it to happen, I promise.” Kurt hopes Blaine doesn’t hate him. He doesn’t know what he would do if that were to happen. He can’t look at his boyfriend right now, though. He knows what he’ll see there. Disgust, hatred, anger, all directed towards him. If Kurt hadn’t pushed Karofsky, hadn’t tempted him to do what he did, then he’d still be pure now, he’d still be untainted.

“No, Kurt, none of this is your fault,” Blaine says, wrapping his arms around his traumatized boyfriend. “This is only that disgusting bastard’s fault. That never should have happened to you, you didn’t deserve  _ any of it _ .” 

Kurt’s tears ebb away, and he turns in Blaine’s embrace, curling himself in on the boy. “That happened freshman year. He… he didn’t stop after that,” Kurt says, hoping Blaine doesn’t get angry at him. He doesn’t believe his boyfriend when he tells him that it’s not his fault. Kurt knows he’s the only one to blame for what happened to him. If he hadn’t tempted Karofsky so much, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

“Oh, god, Kurt, I’m so sorry,” Blaine says, burying his face into Kurt’s shoulder, wishing he could show the boy how much he truly cared for him. “I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m sorry I pushed you too far tonight.”

“It’s okay, Blaine. Just… stay away from my ass for now, okay?” Kurt says, hoping his boyfriend obliges. “I mean, as long as you still want me. I understand if you don’t. I’m tainted.”

“Of course I want you, baby. No amount of damage that’s ever been done to you is ever going to make me stop caring about you. I will wait as long as you need to be comfortable with me and if I do anything to make you uncomfortable, please tell me and I won’t ever do it again.” Blaine hopes that Kurt knows that he won’t ever leave him on account of something like this. Blaine cares so strongly for his boyfriend and even if he and Kurt were still just friends, Kurt’s past wouldn’t change any of Blaine’s opinions about him, aside from the fact that Blaine now knows how strong Kurt really is and admires him even more for that.

“I’m so sorry, Blaine,” Kurt says, more tears flowing down his face. Blaine is confused because Kurt’s tone makes it seem like he’s not talking about the rape anymore, that he’s apologizing for something else.

“Why are you sorry, baby?” Blaine says, wishing he could take away all of Kurt’s pain. Kurt scoots closer to him and slowly rolls his sleeve up, revealing a multitude of cuts littering his arm. They aren’t as deep as the one’s Blaine has seen him give to himself before, but Blaine still gasps and feels tears spring to his eyes.

“Why, Kurt?” Blaine asks, feeling hurt that Kurt didn’t come to him before doing this to himself. Blaine had thought Kurt was getting better. He didn’t even know where Kurt got these knew blades from.

“Sebastian… he… he was just being so terrible, Blaine, yesterday. You left to go to the bathroom, and he just said the most awful things,” Kurt’s tears were flowing freely from his eyes now, falling onto Blaine’s mattress.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Blaine says, wiping the tears away from Kurt’s face. “Please, don’t do this again, baby. For me. Every time you do this to yourself, it hurts me, too.”

“I’ll try, Blaine. I’m sorry,” Kurt says, hugging his boyfriend and giving him a chaste kiss. After lazily getting up and changing into his pajamas and laying back on Blaine’s bed, Kurt fell into a dreamless sleep, feeling cared for and protected in his boyfriend’s arms.

-/-

A week later, on the next Friday, both Kurt and Blaine make it to Kurt’s home for Friday night dinner. Kurt had long gotten over his anxieties of his father meeting Blaine, knowing that Burt would love Blaine after getting over his protectiveness. Blaine, on the other hand, was visibly freaking out about meeting his boyfriend’s dad for the first time. He had long since broken out into a cold sweat and was breathing rather heavily. “What if he doesn’t like me, Kurt? What if he thinks I’m a bad influence on you? What if he thinks I’m pressuring you into things? What if he kills me? Oh, god, Kurt, I’m too young to die!”

Kurt would laugh if his boyfriend wasn’t dead serious. “Baby, he’s going to love you. He might be a little overprotective before getting to know you better, but he won’t have any reason to dislike you. Why would he think you’re a bad influence on me? I’m thinking rather the opposite. I haven’t consciously talked to him aside from in moments of vulnerability after nightmares for three years, Blaine. Because of you, I’m going to try tonight,” Kurt says, hoping to reassure his worried boyfriend. “And you aren’t pressuring me into things, so he has no reason to believe that you are. And, Blaine, he’s not going to kill you.”

Blaine seems to relax by the time Kurt is done talking to him. Kurt places a hand on his boyfriend’s knee, hoping to reassure Blaine even more. “I promise everything will be okay, baby.” After giving his boyfriend a quick kiss on the cheek, Kurt gets out of his car. He and Blaine walk to the door, Blaine walking close to Kurt behind him, ready to run away if need be.

Who knew that Kurt would be the strong one in this situation? Kurt didn’t expect to be, but he’s glad that he is. He’s not the only one that breaks down sometimes, and Kurt is reassured by that.

Kurt leads Blaine to his kitchen, where it looks like Burt is attempting to cook chicken. Burt doesn’t notice Kurt and Blaine’s entrance, too involved in trying to figure out how to stick the meat thermometer in the chicken. “Hi, dad,” Kurt says softly, hoping he was loud enough for Burt to hear.

He was apparently, as Burt’s head shoots up, looking at Kurt with a surprised expression on his face. He briefly acknowledges Blaine, but doesn’t question about him yet, too involved in the fact that his son spoke to him. “Kurt?” Burt says, unsure whether or not his son’s voice was real or in his head. Kurt takes a step and wraps his arms around his father, taking in the familiar scent of his dad, Old Spice and mint, mixed with the scent of chicken this time.

“I love you, dad,” Kurt says, burying his face in his father’s chest, taking in the protectiveness he feels in his dad’s hold. Blaine turns away, not wanting to intrude on such a private moment. 

“I love you, too, buddy,” Burt says, happy tears coming to his eyes. “Oh, goodness, Kurt, I love you so much.” Kurt nods in his father’s embrace, hoping his father knows that he understands and that he’s sorry. Kurt’s never going to stop talking to his dad again, at least not for as long as three years.

“I’m so sorry, dad,” Kurt says, stepping out of the hug. “I’m so, so sorry, and I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.” Kurt hopes his father understands him. He really doesn’t want another episode like the last Friday night dinner he went to.

Thankfully, Burt knows when to leave well enough alone. He accepts Kurt’s apology before turning a questioning glance to Blaine. “And who might this be?” Burt asks, curiously. Blaine turns to face Kurt and his father, a visible look of nervousness on his face. Kurt smiles at his boyfriend, hoping to relay that he has nothing to worry about.

“Dad, this is Blaine, my boyfriend,” Kurt says, walking over to Blaine. He takes Blaine’s hand and leads him over to Burt. Blaine holds out the hand not attached to Kurt’s, which Burt gives a firm handshake to.

“It’s nice to meet you, sir,” Blaine says, nervously. He hopes that Burt will approve of him, even if he doesn’t like him. As long as he accepts his and Kurt’s relationship, Blaine knows that he will be fine. Burt gets a little overprotective at first, sizing Blaine up to see if he’s worthy of receiving Kurt’s attention, but after realizing how frightened Blaine is of meeting his boyfriend’s father, Burt lightens up a bit.

“Call me Burt,” Kurt’s dad says, smiling at Blaine, who lets out a long relieved sigh. “Now, Kurt, you’ll have to tell me if I cooked this bird right…” Burt trails off, looking helplessly at the stove. Kurt sighs lovingly at his father before showing Burt how to properly cook chicken. Blaine looks on at the scene in front of him, glad that Kurt has such a loving father in his life. Blaine’s dad wasn’t terrible, no, but he never really accepted Blaine for what he was. Blaine was glad that on top of everything else, Kurt didn’t also have an unaccepting father. 

Once the chicken was properly cooked, everyone sat down to have their family meal, Blaine across from Kurt, next to Kurt’s father, which made him only slightly nervous. “So, Blaine, tell me about yourself,” Burt says, wanting to get to know the boy who Kurt seems so fond of. Burt hasn’t seen his son look at anyone the way he looks at Blaine.

“Okay, well, I’m a senior at Dalton, like Kurt. I love to sing and play guitar and I’m a member of Dalton’s a cappella group, the Warblers,” Blaine looks over at Kurt, hoping he’s doing okay and not making a fool out of himself. Kurt smiles and nods at him to go on. “I really love Katy Perry, Harry Potter, and bowties. And, if he’ll let me, I would like to be with Kurt in a relationship for a very long time.” Blaine looks at Kurt, who smiles and blushes down at his chicken. Burt looks over at Blaine and smiles, happy that Kurt has someone to finally care about him.

“Did you two meet in a class?” Burt asks, wanting to know about his son’s relationship both because of curiosity and out of the need to protect his son. Although Burt wants to trust Blaine, he knows that he still needs to make sure Blaine is right for his boy.

“Oh, we’re roommates,” Kurt says. His dad immediately tenses. Burt doesn’t like the idea of Kurt and his boyfriend sharing a room. He doesn’t know what they do behind closed doors in general, but being able to do that in the comfort and privacy of their own dorm room is something that Burt is not comfortable with.

“Well that will have to change won’t it?” Burt asks, looking tersely at Kurt and his boyfriend. There was no way in hell Burt was going to let his son and his boyfriend room together.

“Sir, I really don’t see the problem in it,” Blaine speaks up, surprising both Kurt and his dad. Blaine knows that Kurt benefits from their living arrangements, and he really hopes that he and Kurt can collectively convince Burt not to request Kurt to change rooms. Blaine understands why Burt doesn’t want the two boys rooming together. Obviously, if they were both ready and in love, they would probably have sex. But Blaine knows that Kurt isn’t ready, and he isn’t either. Blaine doesn’t know about Kurt’s feelings for him, but Blaine now knows that he definitely loves Kurt. 

“How do I know you’re not taking advantage of my son?” Burt says, glaring at Blaine. Kurt tenses a little, thinking of his past. “Now I trust you to take good care of Kurt when you go out on dates and when you spend time together, but how can I trust you completely when I know that you boys are sharing a room together?”

“The same way you would any other way, sir. I understand where you’re coming from, Burt, really, I do. But I know that I’m not ready to take  that  step, and I know that Kurt isn’t either. I deeply care for your son, and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him,” Blaine hopes his explanation is enough to sway Kurt’s dad into letting them stay as roommates.

“He keeps the nightmares away, dad,” Kurt says quietly, looking up from his chicken at Blaine, who smiles at him. Burt watched the interaction of the two boys in front of him and knows he’s lost.

Resigned, Burt leans back in his chair, and says, “Fine, but if I get any suspicions of funny business from either of you, Kurt is transferring to a different room.” Both boys nod before smiling at their victory. Kurt’s glad that his dad was able to change his opinion. He knows that if he didn’t have Blaine to sleep with at night his nightmares would come back, and his new roommate definitely wouldn’t appreciate that.

The rest of the dinner goes by swimmingly. After the chicken was eaten and the table was cleared, Burt and Blaine sat to watch a football game, with Kurt curled up on the sofa next to Blaine reading and issue of  Vogue .

Resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder, interrupted only by the sounds of his boyfriend and his dad’s cheers, Kurt thinks to himself,  ‘ _ It’s been a successful night . _ ’

-/-

The next day is sectionals for the Warblers. Kurt and Blaine had left Kurt’s house later in the evening, getting back to Dalton at around 10:30. Blaine gets up early at five to start getting ready, waking Kurt from his beauty sleep in the process. Kurt didn’t mind though, as he was greatly amused by watching Blaine run about their dorm room trying to look for his red and blue striped tie, not noticing it laying on his dresser where he put it the day before.

Kurt puts his boyfriend out of his misery by picking up the tie and putting it on Blaine for him, kissing him on the forehead. “Why are you so worried? You’ll do great, Blaine,” Kurt says, hoping to ease his boyfriend’s nerves. He didn’t understand why Blaine was so nervous. The Warblers knew they were going to win. Their only competition at Sectionals was a group of elderly people and a group of middle schoolers.

“I always get nervous about performing,” Blaine says, exiting to go wake up Trent, whom he knows will still be dead asleep. Kurt follows him our, holding up his shoes. Blaine knew he forgot something. He bangs on Trent’s door, slipping on his shoes. “Thanks, babe.”

“You’re welcome, Blaine. Now just relax. You’ll do great, I believe in you,” Kurt says, kissing Blaine once before going back into their dorm room. Trent opens his door, groggily wiping sleep from his eyes.

“Wha’ d’you want?” he asks before he notices Blaine’s attire. Once he does, his eyes go wide and he starts jumping around like a bunny hyped up on too much caffeine. “Sectionals! Oh my goodness, Blaine, we have Sectionals today!”

Blaine nods and laughs, glad he has his rambunctious friend to keep his mind off his nerves. 

The Warblers do great, of course. Kurt knew they would. Blaine’s smile when they announced that the Warblers won was priceless, and Kurt wished he could see it like that forever. After the Warblers got offstage, Kurt met Blaine in the lobby.

Kurt still refused to talk to anyone but Blaine and his dad. Blaine’s okay with that; he just wishes that Kurt could be more comfortable around everyone. Now that Blaine knows why Kurt doesn’t talk he understands completely, but he wishes it didn’t have to be this way.  ** Congratulations! ** Kurt writes out on his board, giving Blaine a big hug and a chaste kiss.

“Whoa!” an unfamiliar voice speaks up behind Kurt. He sees Blaine’s face take on a twinge of annoyance and then the same voice speaks again, “Who do we have here, little bro?” Kurt turns around to see a twenty-something year old guy addressing Blaine. 

“Cooper,” Blaine says in a warning tone. The guy--Cooper--put his hands up and backed away a little from Blaine. “This is Kurt, my boyfriend.” Blaine puts an arm around Kurt, protectively, who leans into his boyfriend’s touch, wary of the stranger. “Kurt,” Blaine addresses his boyfriend this time with a caring tone, “This is Cooper. My brother.”

Kurt knew Blaine had a brother, but Blaine didn’t really talk about him often. Kurt thought he was supposed to be in LA filming some commercial. Either way, Kurt is enthusiastic about meeting a family member of Blaine’s and shakes Cooper’s hand happily. “You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend, squirt!” Cooper says rather loudly.

Blaine looks around, hoping no one of importance overheard his brother’s stupid nickname for him. “Don’t call me that!” he exclaims when Cooper scruffs up his hair and then wipes the gel off on his pants. Cooper laughs at Blaine’s frustrations and then turns to Kurt.

“Isn’t he adorable?” Cooper asks Kurt, who nods, laughing as well. He kisses Blaine on the cheek, which seems to placate him of some of his annoyance at Cooper. “Anyway, Blaine, congrats on the win! I came just in time to see you perform; you blew everyone away! I would’ve done it a little differently, been more assertive here and there, but overall you did well, squirt!”

After Blaine pleas again for Cooper not to call him ‘squirt,’ Kurt writes out on his board,  ** Why squirt? ** Cooper looks confused as to why Kurt’s not talking and spares a glance at Blaine before shrugging.

“I’m gonna spare my questions because that’s probably biting off more than I can chew, right?” Kurt and Blaine both nod before Cooper answers Kurt’s question. “I don’t know actually. I’ve been calling him that since he was three. He probably did something at the time that made me call him the name, but I don’t remember anymore. It’s still fun to tease him about it though.”

Kurt breathes a sigh of relief when Cooper doesn’t question him on his lack of speech. He knows it’s weird, and he can never find a good enough answer as to why he doesn’t talk when he meets new people. After a while of standing in the lobby and seeing that most of the people have started to exit, Cooper explains that his commercial finished shooting early, so he’d gotten a hotel room to visit Blaine. When he found out Sectionals were this weekend, he had to surprise his baby brother and come see the show. He’d picked up a girl at his hotel as well, which is where the group said their adieus. Cooper had a date, and Blaine and Kurt had an evening of celebration.

-/-

They were sprawled out on a blanket in their dorm room, candles giving them light as they ate their dinner. Kurt had set up a nice picnic for them in their room, getting David, the resident Warbler chef, to make them nice sandwiches and chocolate covered strawberries.

Now both boys were laying on their backs next to each other, bellies full and laughing at a story Blaine had told about Cooper. “I like him, Blaine,” Kurt says, voice mirthful. “I can see how he can be annoying to live with, but he really does love you.”

“I know, I know,” Blaine says, grasping Kurt’s hand. “God, Kurt, that dinner was fantastic. Thank you so much.” The dinner was a surprise to Blaine, who thought they were just going to eat celebratory pizza with Trent. That was not the case though, as when he walked into the room after leaving the Warblers’ reconvening meeting to talk about Regionals, his room was candlelit and Kurt was sitting on a blanket with two sandwiches and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries.

“It’s nothing, Blaine. You planned our first date, I like to think of this as our second,” Kurt said with a light blush. He was very pleased that his plans had gone perfectly, glad that Blaine enjoyed the meal. 

“It’s perfect,” Blaine says, turning to face Kurt. “You’re perfect.” Blaine smiles at the slight blush he sees on Kurt’s cheeks. He loves how easily he can make Kurt blush. “I mean it.”

“I know, baby. And even if I can’t believe it, it’s nice to know that someone does,” Kurt says, moving closer to Blaine so that their knees are touching. “I’m so glad I found you. I can’t imagine how terrible it would be without you. I’d still be silent and I’d have nightmares every night and I’d be cutting everyday…” Kurt trails off, hoping Blaine knows how much he means to the boy.

Blaine kisses Kurt gently, wrapping an arm around the boy. He makes sure not to go any further than that, just kissing, and lets Kurt lead the way. When he feels Kurt’s tongue on his bottom lip he opens his mouth a little, granting Kurt access, letting their tongues mingle. Kurt pulls away from the kiss first, breathing heavily as he smiles at his boyfriend.

Blaine doesn’t know why, but he feels like this is the perfect time to tell Kurt about his deeper feelings. “I love you, Kurt.”

Kurt is surprised by Blaine’s sentiment but doesn’t hesitate to kiss his boyfriend again and say, “I love you, too.”

-/-

A/N: There you have it! I’m not as impressed with this chapter as I am with the other ones, but I hope you like it. I’m thinking this story is going to have anywhere from eight to eleven chapters. I don’t know, it depends on how I take the storyline. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I do love the fluffy ending.

PLEASE review! I’m addicted to getting feedback from you guys, it seems. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey! I took a little longer for this chapter, so I apologize for that. I hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: violence, underage drinking (not heavy), smut (I think it counts as smut???)

Please enjoy and review!

-/-

The next two months are relatively tame. Sebastian is still a douchebag and Kurt has a few nightmares, waking Blaine up in the process. Blaine talks Kurt out of cutting multiple times, and Kurt ends up cutting a few times, as well. Blaine only knows about a couple of those times, Kurt refraining from telling his boyfriend, not wanting him to worry about him. Kurt has refused to talk to anyone but Blaine, his father, and eventually, Trent. He’d spoken his first words to the boy during one of their study sessions last month.

It kind of just happened. Kurt didn’t say anything significant, didn’t have some breakthrough thought that he wanted to physically tell his friend; he just realized that he’d become comfortable enough with Trent that he trusted that the boy wouldn’t hurt him. Trent had asked him what he’d gotten for one of his algebra problems and instead of writing his answer down like he’d usually do, Kurt had spoken.

“Seven plus eight  i over two,” Kurt said. Trent froze and stared at Kurt for what felt like hours but was probably only thirty seconds. Kurt tensed under Trent’s gaze, hoping that his friend wasn’t upset with him for something.

“Oh my god, Kurt!” Trent said, smiling widely. “Your voice is so cute!” Trent was surprised by Kurt speaking to him, but didn’t let it show after he finished staring at Kurt. “So, what did you get for number three?”

And that was that. Trent didn’t ask Kurt personal questions or force him to explain why he wasn’t talking and decided to start then. He just accepted it and moved on. Kurt was glad that Trent didn’t focus on it; it made him feel much better about his decision to talk to Trent. Up until now, Kurt hadn’t let himself talk to anyone else. 

“Um… hi,” he’s awkward and kind of quiet, but he doesn’t care, and neither do any of the Warblers who are looking up at him with mixed looks of awe and surprise. Kurt looks over at Blaine who is looking at him with so much pride that his heart hurts. “I’m Kurt Hummel, as you all know, and um, I’ll be singing “Not the Boy Next Door” for my audition.” 

Kurt takes a deep breath, anxiety settling deep within his stomach.  _ You can do this _ , he tells himself, even though he doesn’t really believe it. This is the first time he’s spoken in public, to anyone other than the three people he’s allowed himself the comfort.

And, surprisingly, he’s  _ loving it . _ He’s belting out his best notes, singing for an audience for the first time since his freshman year in high school and he actually feels  _ alive _ . Adrenaline is pumping through his veins and he barely registers the awestruck looks of the Warblers around him. All Kurt knows is the song and his voice and how  _ good _ he feels.   

And then the song is over and he’s out of breath and the anxiety is back. He doesn’t register the cheers of the Warblers because he’s fast-walking out of the rehearsal area and trying not to hyperventilate.  _ Oh, god, why did you let yourself do that? _ Kurt doesn’t regret talking, no, he’s glad he did that, glad he finally let himself open up. He just regrets singing in front of that many people, letting himself become so  _ vulnerable _ , so  _ raw _ , letting them hear that part of him, the part that he’s tried so hard to suppress for three years. 

He feels an arm touch his shoulder and he jumps, turning behind him with wide eyes. “Baby, it’s me…” He hears Blaine’s voice and lets out the tension in his shoulders, stepping closer to his boyfriend. “You were amazing in there, baby… What happened?”

Kurt makes himself calm down and get his breathing under control before saying, “I’m sorry… that’s the first time I’ve spoken to anyone but you, Trent, and my dad since my freshman year. I haven’t sang like that for three years, Blaine... I just… I got anxious and nervous and scared…” Kurt laughs self-deprecatingly and wraps his arms around himself.

“I understand. You did wonderfully though, babe, the Warblers absolutely love your voice. There’s a spot for you if you want it.” Blaine absolutely adored Kurt’s voice and knowing that his boyfriend was strong enough to finally speak to the Warblers made Blaine love his boyfriend even more. The moment he’d heard Kurt’s angelic voice singing his heart had swelled and he had to try hard not to cry.

“I’d love to be a part of the Warblers,” Kurt smiles, kissing his boyfriend sweetly before walking back to the Warblers’ rehearsal room with Blaine hand in hand.

-/-

Kurt lays down on Blaine’s bed next to the boy as he does his English homework. “I’m so bored,” he says, turning on his side to face Blaine. Kurt is bored. And half-hard. But too nervous to tell Blaine that. They’d never done anything more since the day Kurt had that anxiety attack in front of Blaine. Blaine had been amazing at letting Kurt lead, but now Kurt was ready for a little more. Not a lot, but he knows he could let Blaine touch his ass at least.

The kiss starts out slow. Blaine doesn’t kiss back at first, eager to finish his homework, but when Kurt doesn’t let up on the kissing, he gives in and soon he’s kissing Kurt eagerly. Kurt runs his tongue along Blaine’s bottom lip, moving closer to his boyfriend as he kisses him. Blaine lets Kurt go as far as he wants as fast as he wants, content to be in his boyfriend’s arms.

He’s surprised, though, when Kurt moves on top of him and straddles his hips. “Wha--what are you doing?” he asks, slightly out of breath. He’s thoroughly enjoying Kurt’s position on top of him, but he wants to make sure that Kurt is comfortable as well.

“Oh… uh, if you’re not comfortable, I can just--” Kurt starts moving off of Blaine, but a pair of strong hands on his hips keeps him in place. Blaine shakes his head, so Kurt leans down to kiss his boyfriend again.

This time when the kisses start getting deeper, Kurt doesn’t pull away. He does something Blaine had never imagined he’d do. Kurt takes Blaine’s arm and places his hand on his ass. “Kurt,” Blaine lets out a half-moan, half-confused statement. He doesn’t question Kurt, though, when the boy starts kissing him again. The kisses are slow and passionate, Blaine’s hand is still on Kurt’s ass, and Kurt is actually enjoying himself. 

Kurt slowly moves his hand down to the hem of Blaine’s shirt. He doesn’t take it off, not yet. He lets his hand move under the shirt, exploring Blaine’s torso, moving his hand up and tentatively feeling Blaine’s chest and ab muscles. He maps out his boyfriend’s torso, remembering Blaine’s pleasure spots, feeling proud of himself when he elicits a few gasps from the boy under him. Kurt surprises himself by rolling his hips down onto Blaine’s hips.

“Fuck, Kurt,” Blaine moans, closing his eyes and trying hard not to buck up into his boyfriend’s hips. Kurt smiles, somewhat seductively (although Blaine doesn’t think he’s going for that look), at his boyfriend before he rolls his hips down again.

“Is this okay?” Kurt asks, hoping Blaine says yes. It’s taken Kurt a long time to become this comfortable with someone, so he hopes he doesn’t have to stop now. He rolls his hips down once more and gasps, looking down at Blaine with hopeful eyes.

“Fuck, Kurt, this is perfect,” Blaine says, squeezing his boyfriend’s ass. Kurt leans down to kiss Blaine, entwining his tongue with the other boy’s. He thrusts his hips into Blaine’s and starts unbuttoning the other boy’s shirt. “God, Kurt, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Kurt says, breathlessly. He kisses a line down to Blaine’s clavicle, sucking a dark hickey into his boyfriend’s skin. Kurt pulls Blaine’s shirt off completely and admires the view of his boyfriend’s torso. “You’re beautiful, baby,” he says before kissing Blaine’s chest. Blaine thrusts his hips up in hopes of getting Kurt’s hips rolling against his again.

“Can… can I try something?” Kurt asks, looking down at Blaine somewhat self-consciously. Kurt doesn’t know what he’s doing when he comes to sex, but Blaine’s seemed to enjoy what he’s been doing so far, so Kurt wants to try something else.

“Of course you can, baby,” Blaine says, kissing his boyfriend. Both he and Kurt get a little distracted by kissing, tongues entangling together. Blaine gasps when he feels a hand palming his erection through his jeans. “Kurt, fuck… you-you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” Kurt says, and in that moment Blaine didn’t think Kurt could have been any sexier. He moans wantonly, throwing his head back as Kurt unzips his jeans. Kurt cautiously grasps Blaine’s member after he pulls down the boy’s pants and undergarments. He doesn’t look at it, worried he’ll freak out with the sight he’s greeted with, but he’s okay with what he is doing, happy actually. To know that he can bring his boyfriend pleasure in this way is something that Kurt is very proud of himself for being able to do.

He starts stroking his boyfriend’s cock slowly at first, rubbing his thumb over the head, collecting precum at the tip. Kurt gasps when Blaine moans, looking up at his boyfriend with a sheepish smile. “Fuck, Kurt, you’re doing so well, baby,” Blaine says, hoping to reassure his boyfriend. Kurt smiles, going back to the task at hand, quite literally. He speeds up his strokes, thrusting his clothed erection on the bed next to Blaine’s leg, not caring how it must look to Blaine. He’s horny and he’s going to let himself cum with his boyfriend.

Kurt feels himself grow harder with every moan Blaine lets out. He strokes Blaine’s cock faster at a particularly desperate moan, timing his thrusts with the stroke of his hand. He kisses Blaine in the midst of a moan, wimpering desperately as he works his boyfriend to completion. “Just like that Kurt,” Blaine moans breathlessly. 

Blaine, although barely able to think, feels quite prideful about Kurt’s ability to do this. Not that his boyfriend is great at giving hand jobs, which he is sure as hell thankful for, but that Kurt feels comfortable enough and trusts him enough to be able to become this vulnerable with him, to let himself do this. Blaine’s heart swelled just when Kurt let him touch his ass, but for Kurt to be able to share this with Blaine is almost to much for the boy.

Kurt’s motions speed up, and then Blaine is cumming, shouting “I love you, Kurt!” as he lets go onto Kurt’s hand. Kurt’s thrusts onto the bed cease and Kurt freezes, moaning loudly as he climaxes. After getting over the aftershocks of his orgasm, Kurt grimaces, getting up to wash his hands and change pants.

He lays down next to Blaine on the bed, smiling lovingly at his boyfriend. “I love you, baby,” he says, kissing his boyfriend sweetly.

“I love you, too,” Blaine says, smiling, the happiest he’s been in a very long time.

-/-

It’s Kurt’s fifth Warbler rehearsal, two weeks after letting himself come closer to Blaine, figuratively and literally. Kurt had just finished his audition for a solo, thankfully with no anxiety attacks this time.

“I can see why you didn’t talk before,” Sebastian speaks up, hollering at Kurt from across the room. “You have such a girly voice it’s so high pitched.” Sebastian smirks at Kurt as the boy freezes in his spot, becoming uncomfortable in an instant. 

“Sebastian, stop,” Blaine says from his place next to Kurt. “No one appreciates your comments, Kurt’s voice is beautiful.” Blaine hopes Kurt doesn’t listen to Sebastian. He knows how hurtful the bullying can be, he really does, but he hopes Kurt knows that what Sebastian is saying is not true and never ever will be.

“The guy’s a freak, Blaine, I don’t understand why you can’t see that,” Sebastian says, glowering at the shorter boy. “First, he refuses to talk, without giving anyone an explanation, mind you, and then, he does talk, just randomly deciding he’ll grant everything the gift of his…  _ melodious _ voice, and then once he does he has some weird panic attack in front of everyone. He’s obviously just doing this for attention. You saw how confident and full of himself he was when he was singing.”

Kurt backs away from Sebastian, hoping the boy will stop talking soon. He doesn’t want to cry or break down in front of the Warblers, and he especially doesn’t want to do so in front of Sebastian, but he can feel tears forming on the edge of his eyes. They’re starting to blur his vision, too.

“Leave him  alone , Sebastian,” Blaine says, glaring at the meerkat-faced boy. Blaine doesn’t know what to do about Sebastian. He doesn’t know why the boy is being like he is to Kurt. Kurt hadn’t done anything to him; it just seemed like Sebastian’s hate had stemmed from nowhere the moment he laid eyes on Kurt.

Sebastian moves closer to Kurt. “Why, Blaine? We all know he’s just a freak,” Sebastian says, almost growling at Kurt. He swiftly pushes on Kurt’s chest, sending the boy tumbling into the wall behind him.

And then, Kurt’s not at Dalton anymore. He’s back at McKinely, a swarm of red jacket wearing football players surrounding him, having just been shoved into a locker.

_ “Please, don’t hurt me!” Kurt pleads, hoping the neanderthals will spare a beating just this once. He’d gotten through the day so far without any locker shoves, dumpster tosses, or slushie facials. _

_ The jocks laugh before one of them--Kurt doesn’t even know their name--shoves Kurt more roughly into the locker, pinning his shoulder back. The first punch is expected and Kurt tries to brace himself. That doesn’t stop the pain, though, as the sound of skin hitting skin is heard echoing through the hallway.  _

_ Kurt winces when he feels a blow to his stomach, leaving the breath knocked out of him. He hears more laughter of the jocks and grimaces when he feels a booted foot kick his leg, making him fall down to the floor. More kicks and jabs to his stomach leave him moaning in the fetal position, hoping that anyone will come and save him. He hears hateful words and homophobic slurs shouted to him from left and right, and Kurt grimaces. The words always left more painful scarring than any of the physical blows ever did. _

_ After one sharp kick to his head, Kurt finally passed out. _

“Kurt!” Blaine calls, knowing his boyfriend is having a flashback the minute he sees the far off look in Kurt’s eyes. “Kurt, baby, come on. You’re safe, you’re at Dalton, everything is okay.”

When Blaine sees Kurt’s recognition come back and he knows his boyfriend is no longer confined in the realm of his flashback, he takes Kurt into his arms, holding his boyfriend close. “Baby, you’re at Dalton. No one can hurt you here. You’re not at McKinley.”

Kurt nods, glad that his boyfriend is able to be with him after his flashback. He looks up at the Warbler boys, hoping they don’t think too poorly of him. “I’m sorry…,” he self-consciously lowers his head, hoping that the Warblers aren’t annoyed with him.

“It’s okay, Kurt,” Wes says, smiling reassuringly at the broken boy in front of him. The rest of the Warblers nod, agreeing that Sebastian has behaved appallingly.

“Wow, okay, guys, take the freak’s side,” Sebastian says, crossing his arms and glaring down at Kurt menacingly. The shaken boy winces a little at the death stare, bracing himself for the boy in front of him to lash out in violence.

“Sebastian, just give it a rest, will you?” Blaine says, getting up from his place next to Kurt. “No one agrees with you. Kurt is amazing and wonderful and I love him. He’s half the man you’ll ever be. And he is most definitely not as much of a freak as you say he is.” Sebastian steps away from Blaine, knowing that the boy is incredibly angry and figuring that he doesn’t want to get punched in the face again. He knows he’ll have to target Kurt in ways that don’t include verbally insulting him in front of his boyfriend.

“Alright, alright,” Sebastian says, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I’ll try to be nicer to the freak.” After another glare from Blaine, Sebastian sits down, quietly, thankfully not saying anything more harmful.

“Are you okay, baby?” Blaine says, kneeling down to look at Kurt again. Kurt nods, albeit a little shakily. He’s still slightly frightened from his flashback, tense and waiting for anyone to strike him or kick him.

“I was b-back at McKinley, Blaine,” he says, looking up at his boyfriend with big, frightened eyes. He hopes Blaine doesn’t dislike him now for being so afraid of a little shove into a wall. Kurt knows he shouldn’t be as affected by the things Sebastian says and does to him, but he is, and he can’t help it.

“I know you were, baby,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt gently on the mouth. “But they can’t ever get you again. You’re safe here. None of those neanderthals know where you are, and you never have to go back to McKinley again.” Kurt nods, standing up and exiting the rehearsal room with Blaine.

Meanwhile, Sebastian is sitting in his seat, smirking at the information he’s just acquired.  _ So, Kurt used to attend McKinley High School. _

-/-

The music in the bar is loud, but not overpowering. The Ohio gay scene isn’t really hopping, at least, not like the gay bars and clubs Sebastian has been in before. Those ones had loud music with deep, thumping basses that shook the entire building, with flashing lights and sweaty, half-naked men dancing on each other everywhere you looked. This one, the closest gay bar Sebastian could find in relation to Dalton was a dingy establishment, but one that had plenty of attractive looking males. It was called Scandals, a name with Sebastian actually approved of.

Sebastian doesn’t drink after the first beer he orders, hoping to find an attractive male to take home with him. He gets on the dance floor, shaking his ass, wanting to attract someone to fuck the tension out of him. It’s been awhile since his last casual fuck, so he hopes he can find someone soon and get out of here.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears a gruff voice order a beer. A gruff voice that may have been the sexiest voice he’d ever heard. He looked over in the direction of the bar and was slightly disappointed to see that it was only a big, probably inexperienced, teen wearing an unflattering baseball cap and a red letterman jacket.

A red letterman jacket that just so happened to read ‘McKinley’ on the front. Sebastian automatically swerved to sit down at the bar next to the teen, ordering another beer with the intent of only taking a few sips. “Hey,” he says, glancing at the boy sitting next to him.

“Uh, hi,” the male says, taking a swig of his beer. Sebastian hides his grimace at the unattractive gulping and tried to smile a little seductively at the teen. Sebastian desperately hopes he can find dirt on Kurt Hummel from the boy sitting next to him, either something horrible that he can tell the Warblers or something that he can use to blackmail Kurt with. Maybe something big enough to get Blaine to break up with him or get him to break up with Blaine.

“I’m Sebastian,” he says, a sly grin on his meerkat face. “Who might you be, handsome?” Sebastian holds out a hand for the boy to take, holding back a wince as he feels the boy’s clammy, meaty hand in his.  

“Dave… uh, Dave Karofsky,” the boy--Karofsky--says. Karofsky is slightly taken aback. This is at least his fifth time at Scandals, the resident gay bar of Lima, Ohio, and he’s never had a guy approach him like this once. He’d always gotten drunk alone, complained to the bartender about being a fag, complained to the sleazy guys playing pool in the back about Kurt, and then complained to the bouncer about being gay some more. Not once had any other guy, especially not a guy this attractive, taken any interest in him, and because of this, Karofsky was a little taken aback.

“You go to McKinley, do you?” Sebastian asks, eyeing the red and white jacket. Karofsky throws a hasty glance to the bartender, hoping he hadn’t overheard Sebastian talking about his high school. Sebastian rolls his eyes at Karofsky’s wariness. If the guy hadn’t wanted anyone to know he was a minor, he probably shouldn’t have worn a high school letterman jacket to a bar. “Don’t worry, I’m in high school, too. A senior.”

“I’m a senior, too,” Karofsky says, not knowing whether Sebastian is trustworthy or not. After a probing glance from the boy next to him, Karofsky then says, “And, yes, I go to McKinley.”

Sebastian smirks, already knowing he can get information on Kurt from this guy. He just has to act like he actually cares about what he has to say, maybe flirt a little here and there, and then, voila, Dalton will be back under his reign in no time. “Well, I was wondering if you knew anything about Kurt Hummel.”

The boy next to Sebastian immediately tenses, and Sebastian takes that as his answer. “Why? What did he tell you about me?!” Karofsky half-shouts, immediately getting defensive. If Hummel had said anything about him, he’d be screwed. He can’t let anything that he’d done get out to the public. Nobody can know about how faggy he had been.

“Whoa, easy there, he never said anything about you. I just want to know what he was like at his old school,” Sebastian says, wondering what it is that Kurt could have said about the boy next to him that would have been so bad. “He’s kind of a little bitch,” Sebastian tags along to the end of hi sentence, hoping it will get Karofsky to trust him more.

Karofsky smirks at Sebastian’s opinion. “Definitely. He’s a slut, too. Fucked me more times than I can count and then went on to tell everyone that I was the one who hurt him because I didn’t want a real relationship. I don’t do that girly shit. We’d both agreed on casual fucks, and he just had to grow  feelings  for me.” Karofsky hopes his story is believable, and he’s pretty sure it is by the triumphant look on Sebastian’s face. 

“What about how he never talks?” Sebastian asks, wanting to know more about the mystery of Kurt Hummel. Of course the boy was a slut. That didn’t surprise Sebastian. The fact would be a great thing to tell Blaine so that he’d see through his boy toy and finally realize who Kurt Hummel really was.

“Oh, he’s still doing that?” Karofsky inquires, laughing. “That’s because of me, too. The little cockslut figured that if he’d stop talking, I’d realize my undying love for him. Doesn’t make much sense to me, if you ask. He knew about much I  loved hearing him scream my name, and he figured that if he deprived me of it, I’d come to him and declare my love.”

Sebastian laughs with Karofsky, his suspicions confirmed that Kurt was just a little bitch with no real problems of his own. “Oh, he’s talking now. He kept up the silence for a few months, but two weeks ago, we finally got to hear his girly voice.” Karofsky lets out a sharp, gruff laugh, although he’s slightly angered that Kurt is now talking again. He should be the only person allowed to hear Kurt’s voice. “Found himself a boyfriend, too. Don’t know how he did it.”

Karofsky tenses and glares into his beer bottle. “What?” the boy asks, through gritted teeth. Sebastian repeats his sentiment again and Karofsky grows angrier. “The little bitch moved on that fast?”  _ How dare he? _ Karofsky thinks to himself. Only he is entitled to Kurt’s body. Only he is allowed to fuck ruthlessly into Kurt’s tight ass. No one else is allowed to have him.

“Yup,” Sebastian says, taking a sip of his beer. He sees how angry Karofsky is getting, and he loves it. “They’re probably fucking by now, too, if what you’ve told me is correct. They’re roommates so they’re probably fucking like rabbits every night.”

“Where is he?!” Karofsky demands an answer, staring daggers into Sebastian. “That cockslut is  mine ,” the bigger boy says possessively.

“Oh, he’s at Dalton academy in Westerville, Ohio. I’m sure he would love it if you dropped by,” Sebastian says, smirking. This just keeps getting better and better. First, he gets dirt on Kurt Hummel, and now this guy wants to come to Dalton and wreak havoc in the boy’s life.

Karofsky takes another swig of his beer, finishing it off, a plan already formulating in his head.  _ Well, I’ll just have to pay my favorite fag a visit. _

-/-

A/N: Sorry if you hate me! We’re finally getting to the substantial parts in the story! Again, sorry for the wait, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter! 

Pretty please with cherries on top review!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: You guys are going to hate me for this. I’m sorry. I love you all. HEED MY WARNINGS. If any of them trigger you, please don’t read. PLEASE. THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMELY TRIGGER HEAVY FOR BOTH CUTTING AND RAPE. If either of these topics trigger you, don’t read. I care more about your well-being than getting views for my story.

Warnings: self-harm, rape, violence

Please review!

-/-

The following week passes by rather quickly for Kurt. He hadn’t had any nightmares, the first week that has happened in a long time. And Sebastian wasn’t actually too bothersome. Kurt knows he should be worried about that, knowing his history with bullying, because that usually means something big is going to happen. But for once, Kurt doesn’t let himself dwell on negative thoughts. 

Blaine is taking the SAT this morning. Kurt, who is still enrolled in a course he needed in order to take it and do well, is going to wait until the next round of testing in March. Blaine enlisted Trent to stay with Kurt and keep him busy because he knows how much Kurt hates being alone.

“Hey, Trent,” Kurt says, allowing the boy to enter his and Blaine’s room. “Thanks for coming, I really hate being alone.” Kurt laughs at himself self-deprecatingly. Trent smiles at him before sitting on the boy’s bed and pulling out what looks like History homework from his bag.

“I’ve been having trouble with question 4. Which one is the serf and what’s a vassal? How does feudalism even work again?” Trent asks, confused. Kurt answers him, hoping that Trent understands now, not wanting to have to take forty minutes to explain the concept like he had done for graphing polynomials two months ago. 

The boys spend a while doing Trent’s history homework before Kurt has to go to the bathroom. He gets up, excusing himself to relieve himself, but before he can make it to the door, Trent says, “You’re not going to… you know.” The boy mimes cutting himself, running his thumb along his wrist. Kurt tenses, pulling his long sleeves down to cover his hands.

“N-no, I’m not… I just have to- how did you know about that?” Kurt asks, flustered. He hasn’t cut in around two weeks, something Blaine was very proud of him for. Blaine wouldn’t tell Trent what he does to himself… would he?

“Oh… um, Blaine told me… I hope that’s okay. He was just looking out for you,” Trent says, a little worried that Kurt will be angry. “He, um, he said that you hadn’t done it in, like, two weeks? And, um, he was just worried that if you were alone… you’d want to do it… So, he, um, told me…”

Kurt tries not to show his emotions on his face, but he knows that some of the hurt betrayal is clear. He just nods to Trent, before going to the bathroom, not cutting, and acting like nothing has happened.

-/-

When Blaine comes back, Kurt immediately tenses. “Hey, babe,” he says, leaning down to give his boyfriend a kiss on the lips, but Kurt turns his head so that Blaine kisses his cheek instead.

“Hi,” he says coldly, still angry at his boyfriend. Blaine didn’t even ask him if it was okay for him to tell Trent; he just went and did it. If he’d asked, Kurt probably would have said it was okay and gone with Blaine to tell Trent himself.

“Um… okay…” Blaine says, recognizing that Kurt is angry. “How was your day today?” He hopes that Kurt’s anger just stemmed from a misunderstanding on his math homework like it had a couple weeks ago. That way he will be able to help comfort his boyfriend and calm him down.

“I got up to go to the bathroom, and Trent asked me something,” Kurt says, his tone angry and venomous. “Do you know what he asked,  _ Blaine _ ?” Blaine winces at the anger he hears in Kurt’s voice, and it’s directed towards  _ him _ .

“What are you talking about, Kurt?” Blaine asks, genuinely confused. He doesn’t know what he did to make Kurt so angry with him. “Look, if I did anything to make you mad, I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“He asked me if I was going to the bathroom to  _ cut myself _ . He told me that  you told him,” Kurt says, angrily. He can’t believe that Blaine doesn’t even know what he did. How could he have thought that Kurt would be comfortable with him telling Trent about his self-harm? Thank god he didn’t say anything about anything else, but he easily could have and made the situation even worse.

Blaine doesn’t realize why Kurt is so angry. He understands that what he told Trent was personal, but Kurt and Trent had been getting close as friends. Blaine genuinely thought Kurt would be okay with it. “I’m sorry?” Blaine says, throwing a questioning glance at Kurt.

“You’re sorry?  _ You’re sorry? _ Blaine, do you know how personal that was?” Kurt says, his voice getting louder and tone getting colder. “I didn’t even tell you, Blaine. The only reason you found out was because you walked in on me doing it. If I had a choice, no one would know!” Kurt stands up to face Blaine, looking at his boyfriend furiously.

“If you had a choice, no one would know? Wow, Kurt, I didn’t know you had so little trust in me,” Blaine says, slightly hurt. He doesn’t know why Kurt has suddenly become this angry. He doesn’t know why Kurt is so worked up over just a little thing.

“Why should I trust you Blaine?” Kurt asks, becoming even more frustrated. “Why should I trust you when you just go hurling one of my biggest secrets around for anyone to hear!” Kurt is screaming at Blaine now, face red, tears forming in his eyes from frustration. He knows he should think rationally about this, but he’s just so angry that he can’t. “Why would you do something like this, Blaine?”

“I only told him because I was worried about you, Kurt! I know how much you hate being alone, how lonely you feel. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t do something stupid when I was gone,” Blaine doesn’t know how to get through to his boyfriend and make him know that he was only doing what he thought would protect Kurt. How was he to know that Kurt didn’t want Trent to know about his issue with self-harm?

“Oh, so now I’m stupid?” Kurt yells, turning away from Blaine. “Yeah, well, I must be, for dating you!” Kurt knows he shouldn’t be so harsh, but he can’t help himself. He’s word vomiting and everything is just coming out and he’s not thinking about what he’s saying and he can barely register the last words that just came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, well… maybe you shouldn’t be,” Blaine says, quietly, all of the fight leaving his body. He sits down on his bed defeated, drawing out a long, heavy sigh. Blaine loves Kurt, he really does, but not if this is who the boy really is. He can’t be with someone like this.

“B-blaine,” Kurt stammers, moving to sit down on Blaine’s bed with him. They can sort this out together. He knows they can. Maybe he just overreacted. Yeah, that’s it. Kurt overreacts all the time. Nothing that a little communication can’t fix. Blaine stops him before Kurt is able to sit on his roommate’s bed as Blaine stands up.

“I can’t stay here tonight,” Blaine says, moving to his dresser and pulling out two different outfits and his pajamas. “I’ll stay in Wes’ room or something. We can talk about this tomorrow. Please leave me alone.” Blaine knows that it would probably be better for the two boys to talk it out now, but he also knows that if he lets Kurt explain or tries to explain himself or thinks about their argument, he’ll have a hard time not raising his voice at his boyfriend, something he desperately wants to avoid. 

Kurt watches Blaine pack up his stuff, helpless and clueless as to what he should do to get his boyfriend to stay. He loves Blaine. Yeah, he may have said some stupid things. Some  _ really _ stupid things. But the only time Kurt says stupid things is when he’s hurt. This situation is easily fixed. “Blaine, please, we can--” 

Blaine cuts Kurt off, not wanting to hear his boyfriend’s excuses, or pleas to stay. He knows if he listens, he’ll be persuaded. “No, Kurt. I need time to think. Please let me be,” Blaine says, before leaving the room.

Kurt feels tears fall from his eyes and sits on his bed, feeling numb. He plops onto his side, curling into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible. The only sounds that come from his rooms are the despair filled sobs coming from his body. Kurt doesn’t know how long he stays like that until he finally cries himself to sleep.

-/-

Kurt is woken up by a loud banging on his door. After seeing that the time is 9:47 pm, Kurt thinks that the only person who could be interested in him not doing their homework and taking showers and doing nightly routines at this time could be Blaine. He quickly rushes to open the door thinking,  _ Blaine is here! He’s come back for me ! _ , but at soon as he opens the door he hurries to close it once again. A big, meaty arm blocks the door from fully closing, however, and soon the looming figure of Dave Karofsky is hovering over Kurt like he’s fresh meat.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Kurt stammers, eyes wide. He backs away from the bully in front of him, stumbling a little when his knees hit his bed, trapping him there. His heart rate speeds up when Karofsky closes the door with his foot and walks over to Kurt, assessing his prey with hungry eyes.

“That Sebastian guy told me you were talking again,” Karofsky says, smirking a little. Oh, how he missed hearing pretty boy’s freakishly girly voice. And how it felt to pound into that tight ass and watch him scream, whether it be in pain or pleasure. Karofsky didn’t care.

“S-sebastian told you I was h-here?” Kurt asks, his voice barely a squeak. Kurt knows he sounds pathetic. He feels pathetic, too. But he can’t help it, not when his worst nightmare is coming true. Now he really regrets his argument with Blaine.  _ If only he were here right now . _

“Yeah, he did. Thanks to him, I can have my favorite freak all to myself again,” Karofsky says, forcefully moving Kurt’s head to look at him. “He told me something interesting about you,  _ Kurty _ .” Karofsky spits the name out like it’s poison, and his grip on Kurt’s chin tightens almost painfully. Kurt tries getting out of the bigger boy’s grasp, but he’s just too strong. “He said that you’ve gotten a boy toy of your own. Did I give you permission to do that?”

Kurt shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks, looking away from Karofsky and thinking of Blaine. Blaine, his beautiful boyfriend, who would probably be so disappointed if he knew what was happening. Karofsky smirks, enjoying the fact that he can still make Hummel feel small.

“Enough with the talking,” the bigger boy says, slapping Kurt, who just whimpers, across the face. Kurt hears the sound of a jean zipper and notices that Karofsky is already stepping out of his pants.  _ Oh, dear god, please no, _ Kurt thinks, hoping anyone will come save him. Karofsky pushes Kurt down, forcefully shoving his shoulders.

Kurt is faced with the boy’s half-hard erection, and he grimaces, looking up at the football player, silently pleading to not make him do this. Karofsky just smirks, saying, “Suck.” Kurt shakes his head, trying to move as far away from Karofsky as possible. The boy won’t have it though, and he pushes Kurt’s head forward, shoving his dick in Kurt’s face. “I said,  _ suck _ , you little whore. You know you want to.”

Kurt frowns as he reaches out a hand to touch Karofsky’s appendage, flinching when he hears the boy’s strangled moan. Karofsky soon becomes impatient with only Kurt’s hand grasping his erection, so he shoves the boy’s face into his cock. It scrapes against Kurt’s teeth at first, making the menacing boy hit Kurt painfully in the back of the head. Kurt whimpers and wraps his lips around the jock’s erection, hating the taste of precum and sweat that he finds there. 

“Oh, fuck, just like that. I missed you, faggot,” the neanderthal moans, thrusting into Kurt’s mouth. Kurt feels big, hot tears roll down his face and knows he must look a mess, covered in tears, sweat, spit, and precum. Kurt keeps sucking, doing it just how he knows Karofsky likes. The boy had made him do this before, of course, but only when he’s in a hurry and doesn’t have enough time to fuck Kurt. The smaller boy knows he won’t be so lucky as to just give a blow job this time.

Karofsky starts ruthlessly thrusting into Kurt’s mouth, groaning when he feels his cock hit the back of Kurt’s throat, reveling in the choking sounds he hears from the boy. Kurt whimpers, closing his eyes.  _ It’s just a dream. Only a bad dream, Kurt _ _,_ he tries to reassure himself, but he knows that what he’s telling himself is false.

Karofsky pulls out of Kurt’s ‘fuckhole,’ as he calls it, before he can cum, wanting to hold off on that until he’s gotten his ultimate prize. “Blaine!” Kurt calls once his mouth is free. His voice is cracking and his throat is hoarse, but he will do anything to stop his torture from continuing. “Blaine, please!” 

Karofsky slaps Kurt across the face again, dragging the boy up by the collar of his shirt and throwing him on the bed. “Who’s that?” Karofsky says, menacingly. “Your boyfriend?” Kurt nods, about to shout Blaine again when Karofsky punches his square in the nose. Kurt immediately reacts, covering his nose with his hands, looking up at the jock fearfully.

Karofsky pulls of one of his socks before stuffing it in Kurt’s mouth, using it as a gag. Kurt can’t believe what he’s been subjected to. He can smell the filth of his tormentor’s feet and cannot believe what is in his mouth. Karofsky looks satisfied with Kurt’s state of silence, smirking before hastily pulling of Kurt’s clothes.

Kurt starts sobbing even more, moaning through the sock stuffed in his mouth. He hears a rip when Karofsky pulls of his underwear and squirms. Damage to his clothes only makes this situation even worse. Karofsky forcefully pushes Kurt’s legs apart, admiring the body he has laying in front of him.

Karofsky smirks again before Kurt feels his erection against his hole. Kurt tries to cry out, ‘No!’, but he can’t because of the sock in his mouth. Kurt knows that after going this long, Karofsky doing this unprepared is going to hurt like it was the first time all over again.

Karofsky shoves his erection into his unwilling recipient, groaning loudly as Kurt’s sock-gag muffles his screams. Kurt feels like his entire world is being split into two. He looks down and sees blood running down onto his sheets, and he painfully whimpers. He wishes he could shout for help, but he knows that even if he did manage to get the gag out of his mouth, Karofsky would hurt him terribly if he shouted for someone.

Karofsky thrusts ruthlessly in and out of Kurt, moaning obscenely . “You’re so pretty like this, freak. This is what you were born to do,” Karofsky says, his thrusts getting deeper and faster. Kurt’s eyes widen and tears steadily fall down his face. 

Please be over soon, please be over soon, please be over soon, Kurt thinks, praying to anything that’s out there that his nightmare will soon be over. Karofsky’s thrusts soon become staggered and untimely, and he thrusts in extra hard to make sure Kurt remembers him. Kurt whimpers, eyes almost bugging out of his head.

“You’re such a good little fuck toy, born to please me and only me, Karofsky says, pulling his dirty, disgusting sock out of Kurt’s mouth. Kurt whimpers once again as his sobs turn audible. “Tell Blaine I said hi for me, I’m sure he’ll want to know all about how much his boyfriend is a slut” Karofsky whispers terrifyingly into Kurt’s ear, pulling on his pants and exiting the room.

The minute Karofsky leaves Kurt is racing to his bathroom, throwing open the door under the sink and grabbing his blades. He slices once on his right arm, loving the relief spreading through him as the blade touches his skin. He cuts more and more, five times, six times, seven, going deeper and deeper and deeper. He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing, he just knows that he needs to rid himself of Karofsky’s scent and cum and the feeling of his meaty hands touching him.

Kurt slices up his right arm, zig zags of gashes going across his wrist and forearms. He moves onto his left arm, slicing like an artist painting a masterpiece, skillfully carving what he wants into his body. He’s creating deep gashes in his arms, revealing muscle and fat tissue, but Kurt doesn’t care.

He only cares about getting Karofsky’s filth out of his body and feeling the relief of his blade. He watches as blood flows out of his arms, smiling cryptically. The last two things he remember seeing before he passes out are the word “slut” written in large, deep gashes across his forearm, and Blaine standing horrified in the doorway to the bathroom.

-/-

When Blaine leaves his and Kurt’s room he goes straight to Wes’ and David’s. He knows they’ll probably be busy, but he’s just so angry and so upset that he needs to cool down before he talks to Kurt. He hopes that he and Kurt are still in a relationship. He doesn’t know if what he said counts as breaking it off, but he sincerely hopes it doesn’t. Blaine loves Kurt, and he knows  that Kurt needs him to be strong. 

Blaine makes it to Wes and David’s room and knocks on the door before entering. He starts pacing back and forth stressfully before David says, “Blaine, what are you doing here?” Wes looks at Blaine with a questioning glance on his face, wanting Blaine to answer that same question.

“Kurt and I got into a huge argument, and I can’t go back there tonight. I needed a place to go, so could I just sleep here? I promise I’ll try not to be a bother, and I’ll sleep on the floor,” Blaine says, hoping his friend’s accept. He doesn’t know where he’ll go if Wes and David say he can’t stay the night. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Blaine. You’re welcome to stay the night in our room,” Wes says, sitting down on his bed. “May I ask what the fight was about?” Wes wants to know if he can help Blaine sort out his feelings in any way, maybe even find a solution to Kurt and Blaine’s little skiff.

“God, it’s so stupid,” Blaine says, sitting on the edge of Wes’ bed as well and putting his head in his hands. “I told Trent something personal about Kurt, only because I was worried about him. I took my SAT this morning and you know how much Kurt hates being alone. I asked Trent to keep him company and told him something to protect Kurt. Kurt found out and now he’s pissed at me.”

“I’m sorry, bro, that must really suck, “David says, changing into his night clothes. “Did he overreact or something?” David isn’t always great at giving advice, but sometimes he can be really wise, and he hates it when his friends fight, so he knows he’ll try to fix this no matter what.

“I think so. He doesn’t,” Blaine says, sounding defeated. “I just don’t know what to do. I kind of said something that sounded like I was breaking up with him when I left…” Blaine looks down ashamed at Wes and David’s pointed stares.  

“Blaine…” Wes sighs at his friend’s stupidity. “You love Kurt, right?” Blaine nods, looking up sadly at his two friends. “Then you shouldn’t let something small like this break you two up. I understand it can be difficult sometimes, especially with Kurt’s issues. I don’t know about them, but you do, and I know that sometimes that can be hard to handle. You just have to be patient, okay?” Blaine nods, showing his understanding. 

“Go get your man back,” David says, smiling at Blaine. He knows he didn’t say much, but he’s glad that Blaine seems less beaten down as he did when he first entered the room. Blaine does feel a lot better about his and Kurt’s argument. He’ll go back to their dorm and apologize to Kurt because he knows that he probably shouldn’t have told Trent about his cutting issues without his consent. And then Kurt will apologize as well for getting so angry when he knows Blaine was just trying to look out for his well-being.

Before Blaine can reach his and Kurt’s dorm, however, he runs into a familiar meerkat faced  boy. “Sebastian,” Blaine scowls, spitting out the word, throwing as much hatred into it as he does when he speaks about Westboro Baptist Church in his current events class. 

“Blaine,” Sebastian says with a smug look on his face. “You’ll never guess who I met at Scandals the other day. You know, the rinky dink gay bar down in Lima? Well, anyway, I had a very interesting run-in with someone who knew our dear Kurty!” Blaine tenses, knowing that could either be extremely good or extremely terrible. “He seemed very interested in Kurt, said they had a little  _ history _ , if you know what I mean. Seems like Kurt was a little minx back in his public school days.” Sebastian laughs, smirking as Blaine’s face pales to a pasty white, all the color draining from his face.

“What was his name?” Blaine asks Sebastian through gritted teeth. When Sebastian just laughs and shakes his head, Blaine grows angry and frustrated. “Damn it, Sebastian, what was his fucking name?!”

“Jeez, okay, calm down,” Sebastian says, still laughing at getting a rise out of Blaine. “I think his name was… Karnowski or something like that?” Sebastian frowns at the worried expression Blaine’s face turns to. 

“Karofsky!?” Blaine almost yells, getting in Sebastian’s face. When the meerkat teen nods, Blaine starts sprinting to his and Kurt’s room, hoping the boy he loves is safe.

When Blaine makes it to his and Kurt’s room he’s terrified to find that Kurt is not in the living area. “Kurt!” He exclaims, hoping he’ll get a response from the boy. He walked over to the bathroom and yells out, horrified by what he finds. Kurt is lying on the floor of the bathroom, almost unconscious, deep, deep gashes strewn about his wrists. He’s naked, another thing that worries Blaine, and the boy can see the dried blood between Kurt’s legs. 

“Fuck!” Blaine yells when he connects what that means. He feels incredibly guilty for leaving Kurt but knows now is not the time to dwell on thoughts like that. “Kurt, Kurt baby, please, keep your eyes open for me,” he says trying to stay calm and rational. He almost starts freaking out once again when he realizes Kurt has already passed out and he reads the word written across Kurt’s wrist, formed by the gashes Kurt has inflicted upon himself. Kurt is not a slut and it pains Blaine to know that Kurt thinks of himself in that way.

He picks Kurt’s top half up into his lap, trying to elevate his forearms and wrists so that the bleeding is minimal. He grabs two towels from below the sink (noticing the stashed blades as he does, goddammit) and wraps them tightly around Kurt’s wrists, hoping that will be enough.

He picks up his cell phone quickly dialing the emergency number. “Help, please, I need an ambulance!” Blaine yells into the phone when the operator picks up. Blaine is desperately clinging to Kurt, hoping his boyfriend will pull out of this.

“Okay, calm down sir, where are you?” The woman on the other end says, ready to send and ambulance to help Blaine.    
“I’m a student at Dalton Academy in Westerville. Please, hurry, my boyfriend slit his wrists. He tried to kill himself,” Blaine says, urgently, tears starting to flow steadily down his face. He hears the phone operator gasp and almost throws his own phone in frustration.

“An ambulance is on it’s way. Hang in there, sweetie, do you need me to stay on the line with you?” The operator asks, but Blaine is already hanging up, crying into Kurt’s unconscious form. Why did they have to get into that stupid argument? Why did Blaine have to decide to leave? Why did Sebastian have to tell Karofsky where Kurt was?

“Fuck, Kurt, please hang in there,” Blaine says, noticing Kurt’s breathing slowing. “You can do it, Kurt, please wake up. Wake up… for me. I’m so sorry, Kurt. I’m so sorry. Please be okay. Please wake up. I love you.”

-/-

A/N: I’M SORRY! There will only be a few chapters after this one (I’m thinking 2-3 more, but I’m not sure.) If any of you are in a situation like Kurt’s, please do not self-harm. Talk to someone. Please. I can not stress how important it is that you do that.

Please review! I cannot live without feedback from you guys!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long! I had to write a play for my drama class so I’ve been spending a lot of time on that and I had a mock AP test and the the real AP test and my grandpa came to visit and we went to DC and then I had tech week of a show I was in and then the real thing and then I went to DC again, and then I went to Hershey Park, so everything has been a little hectic.  
Warnings: talk of suicide, talk of rape  
-/-  
When Kurt wakes up the first thing he notices is how bright it is. Everything is stark white and he can barely hold open his eyes. The second thing he notices is the ache he feels in his body, especially his wrists. He moves to rub one of them when he notices that he can’t. When he turns, he notices his left arm is hooked up to multiple wires. He tries to ignore the sight of needles sticking into his flesh when he notices Blaine. He’s sleeping on an uncomfortable-looking chair, probably incredibly exhausted. Kurt takes the time he has now, probably the only time he’ll have alone for a while, to examine his arms. The bandages seem almost too pristine for Kurt, knowing what lays underneath.   
Kurt thinks about what he did and why he did it. His worst nightmare had come true. He’s still sore from Karofsky’s violations and still incredibly terrified it’s going to happen again. In fact, Kurt knows it will. There’s no way Karofsky will leave him alone now that he knows where Kurt resides and goes to school. A few stray tears collect in Kurt’s eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall, sick of the pain and of crying.   
He hadn’t meant to kill himself… That’s probably what everyone thinks, but he really just wanted to feel the relief his blade gives him. But it wasn’t enough this time so he went deeper, and that just so happened to be too deep. Kurt hopes Blaine and his family will still look at him the same afterwards. He’s not going to be able to live longer if they all hate him for what he’s done.  
Kurt looks at the clock next to his bed, the time reading 8 am. He’s only been asleep for the night. He knows Blaine must be exhausted, but he also knows a nurse or doctor will probably come in to check on him soon. He doesn’t want Blaine to be woken by the bustle of doctors, but he can’t bring himself to wake his boyfriend either, too afraid of what Blaine will say to him. Kurt looks at his boyfriend and sighs. He loves Blaine with all his heart, but he just knows that his boyfriend is going to hate him for what he’s let Karofsky do to him.   
“Blaine,” Kurt says, loudly, hoping that will wake his boyfriend up. He knows Blaine is a light sleeper, the boy having been woken by many of Kurt’s nightmares, but since Kurt can’t really move his arms much, he’s worried his boyfriend won’t wake. “Wake up.”  
“Wha-?” Blaine says groggily, waking up. He looks confused at first as to where he is, but then his eyes focus on Kurt and he slumps in his chair defeated. “Hey,” Blaine says, quietly, smiling reassuringly to his boyfriend. Blaine knows he shouldn’t smother Kurt now, no matter how much he wants to pull his boyfriend into a huge hug. He settles for reaching out and taking Kurt’s hand instead, reveling in the fact that his boyfriend doesn’t react negatively to the action. “How do you feel?” Blaine asks. He wants to reprimand Kurt for his actions, ask him why he would attempt such a thing, but he knows that won’t help him boyfriend at all.  
“Sore,” Kurt says, putting a self-deprecating smile on his face. Blaine frowns slightly, but doesn’t say much in reaction. It’s when Kurt recognizes the guilty look on Blaine’s face that he remembers the argument they had the day before. “I’m sorry… About our fight. I know you were just worried about me, and I overreacted.”  
“It’s okay… I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have told Trent without asking you first. That was insensitive of me,” Blaine says, hoping his boyfriend will forgive him. He doesn’t want Kurt to have to go through the next few weeks alone. Blaine is so incredibly sorry about his argument with Kurt. Maybe if he hadn’t left, Kurt wouldn’t be here right now.  
“It’s okay, Blaine… So we’re okay?” Kurt asks, needing the reassurance of his boyfriend. Blaine smiles and nods, kissing the back of Kurt’s hand. Kurt smiles a little bit, grateful for the distraction of his boyfriend.  
“I should go get a nurse,” Blaine says, standing up and fixing his hair and sweatpants a little bit. Kurt nods, not wanting Blaine to leave and not wanting to have to talk to other people, but knowing he has to. After waiting for around five minutes, Blaine walks in with a man who isn’t really that questionable, but Kurt doesn’t care. He’s uncomfortable anyway.  
“Hello, Mr. Hummel,” the man says, his voice deep and airy, making Kurt feel even more uncomfortable. He knows it doesn’t make sense to be worried about his doctor, for Christ’s sake, but he is anyway. “I’m Dr. Miller.” The man, Dr. Miller, holds out a hand for Kurt to shake, but Kurt doesn’t move, looking up at him with frightened eyes. Dr. Miller awkwardly moves his hand back down, looking at Kurt sympathetically. “Your father should be here soon. He came yesterday as well, but before I explain to you how we will proceed from here on out, I’d like him to be here as well.”  
“M-my dad?” Kurt says, looking timidly up at Blaine, barely even addressing the doctor. Blaine nods, putting his hand over his boyfriend’s.   
“I called him right after the paramedics got to our dorm. I know you’ve been trying to hide this from him, but it’s something that can’t be avoided anymore,” Blaine says, once again sitting in the uncomfortable-looking chair next to Kurt’s bed. He looks up at the doctor, who nods at him, averting his eyes to give the two boys some space.   
“It could have!” Kurt says, becoming slightly angered. “You didn’t need to call the paramedics! I don’t need to be here right now. I’d be fine if you’d just left me the fuck alone in there! I don’t need any of this!” Tears stream down Kurt’s face as he starts attempting to rip the wire out of his arm and pull off the bandages wrapped around his wrist.  
“Kurt!” Blaine yells, frantically jumping up and grabbing the IV, stilling the boy’s motions. Blaine knows that Kurt is only worried about his father knowing about his self-harm and the assault, but Blaine also knows that he has no choice in the matter. What’s done is done and it’s for Kurt’s own good, even though he doesn’t see it that way.  
“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, tensing up as tears start flowing out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry.” The boy is sobbing into Blaine’s shirt sleeve, big snotty sobs that wrack his entire body. The doctor looks at him worriedly but knows that it will do Kurt no good for him to interrupt. He knows he has to let Kurt get it all out.   
“It’s not okay, Kurt, I’m not going to tell you that because I know it won’t help you, but as long as you work on getting better and never doing that again, it will be okay,” Blaine says, hoping he’s reassuring his boyfriend. Kurt nods and sniffles, tears finally ebbing.  
As Kurt is settling back into his bed, calmly this time, his father walks through the door. Kurt tenses slightly, gauging his father for what emotions he has about Kurt’s situation. Burt looks like he’s been crying and his hands are shaking slightly. He looks well beyond his year and probably sleep-deprived, too. Blaine knows he is.  
“Dad,” Kurt whispers, nervously glancing at his father. Burt takes off his hat and engulfs his son in a gigantic bear hug, hoping to send all his love through to Kurt.  
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again. Do you know how worried I was when Blaine called?” Burt says, pulling away from his son. “I didn’t… didn’t even know you were su-suicidal.”  
Kurt shakes his head. “I’m not! I promise… I hadn’t meant for it to go this far this time... “ Kurt says, looking down at his bandaged forearms. “I just needed to get away from it all… I couldn’t… couldn’t deal with K-k-k-”  
“You don’t have to say it, Kurt. He already knows,” Blaine says, looking sadly at his boyfriend. He’d told the doctors about what he’d suspected about Kurt, that he was bleeding, the history of it happening before, and they’d confirmed after giving Kurt his examination.   
The doctor chooses this point to begin speaking to the three people in the room. “We are aware of why you chose to do what you did, Mr. Hummel. Mr. Anderson had expressed deep concern that some form of assault had taken place before you began inflicting wounds upon yourself. After your wounds were taken care of, a rape kit was performed. We now have evidence, biological as well as physical and emotional, evidence that we can use to get the person who did this to you thrown in jail. That is, if you wish to prosecute.” The man glances at Blaine for a second as he says the next sentence. “I’ve recently been informed by your school’s principal that the boy in question was apprehended by your administrators when they found him scuffling with another student, a Sebastian Smythe?”  
Kurt tenses as the man is speaking, worrying his lip between his teeth. “He has been apprehended as well. The school knows of your situation with the Karofsky boy and has notified police, but nothing further will happen unless you decide you would like for him to be punished. The school, after having realized that Smythe had let Karofsky know of your whereabouts, is also punishing him accordingly.”  
Kurt’s tense slowly diminishes as he realizes the threat of danger is no longer upon him. He smiles slightly, relieved at his new realization. He nods, looking at Blaine and squeezing his boyfriend’s hand that is resting in his.  
“Now, Kurt, even though we understand why you did what you did doesn’t mean it was an okay thing to do. We’ll have you here for another two days under suicide watch and then you’ll have to go to therapy, okay? I know this is hard, Kurt, but you have to try to get better for yourself and for Blaine and for your family. I’ll be choosing a therapist I think will help you the most after treating you here and possibly consider moving you to the psych ward,” the doctor says, hoping Kurt understands the seriousness of his actions. After noticing Kurt’s terrified expression, the man says, “I don’t believe I will have to take such drastic measures, but if you show any more signs of suicidal ideation, I’ll have no choice.” Kurt nods and the doctor leaves.  
Burt chooses this time to speak to his son about Karofsky. “Kurt… why didn’t you tell me this was happening? I could have done something. I would have done anything to get that boy out of that school.”   
“He… he told me he’d kill me if I told anyone, dad. I didn’t want anything to happen to me, or worse, to you. I was so scared that I’d just stopped talking altogether,” Kurt says, quietly, his voice a little shaky.   
“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine says, putting his head in his hands. Kurt hopes he’s not disappointed in him because if he were, Kurt couldn’t live with himself. “Baby, promise me you’ll never do something like this again.”  
“I… I can’t promise that, Blaine,” Kurt replies, turning away from his boyfriend and his father. He’s not suicidal or anything, but accidents happen, and Kurt doesn’t want to make a promise he knows he might not keep. He could have easily lied and told Blaine that he wouldn’t try anything like this, but the thought of lying to his boyfriend just after reconciling with him leaves a churning feeling in his stomach.  
Blaine nods, expecting that answer. “Can you promise me that if you ever feel like doing something like that again, you’ll tell me?”  
Kurt nods. “I promise.”  
-/-  
“Hello, Kurt. I’m Dr. Eckenrode, your therapist,” a woman appearing to be in her late thirties introduces herself to Kurt. She smiles at him and offers her hand for him to shake, which he timidly does.   
“Um, hi,” Kurt says, looking around the office. He supposes that it’s nicer than he expected. The walls are a nice cream color, something different from the stark white of the hospital he’d been seeing for a day. The couch he’s sitting on is rather comfortable, even though Kurt himself is rather tense.  
“Will you tell me why you’re here?” Dr. Eckenrode asks, picking up a pen and a clipboard. Kurt doesn’t like that he feels like he’s being put under a microscope, but he guesses that he won’t feel any different until he feels comfortable talking to a therapist.  
“Well, um, I cut myself. I wasn’t trying to kill myself; I just went too deep…” Kurt averts his eyes. He wishes Blaine were here. It would be so much easier to talk about these things if he could hear his boyfriend’s voice and feel the weight of his hand in his.   
“Why did you cut yourself, Kurt?” Dr. Eckenrode says. Kurt Doesn’t she already know this? Kurt knows he has a file. He knows she must have read it before his appointment. Why was she asking him all these questions if she already knew? She must have wanted him to say it himself.  
“I...I was… r-raped,” Kurt says, timidly shying away from Dr. Eckenrode. He looks anywhere but at the woman in front of him. He doesn’t want to see her reaction when he tells her how fucked up he is.  
Dr. Eckenrode shuffles papers around on her desk, looking for what she had read on Kurt’s file. After finding it, she asks, “Kurt, do you ever have flashbacks?” Dr. Eckenrode knows that this is a problem for many victims of rape and wants to make sure that she can help Kurt as much as she can.  
When Kurt nods, the therapist asks, “And do you ever have nightmares?” When Kurt nods again, Dr. Eckenrode asks, “Would you say you get startled or frightened easily, Kurt?”  
“Not really… well, kind of… I guess I get startled easily by people bigger than me, especially if they’re male,” Kurt says, shrugging off the question a little.  
“Okay, Kurt. I think we’re done for today. However, I’d like you to come back tomorrow for me to give you a full psychiatric evaluation, okay?” Dr. Eckenrode says. Kurt tenses and nods, hoping that a psychiatric evaluation isn’t too emotionally taxing.  
-/-  
When Kurt opens the door to his room after his meeting with Dr. Eckenrode he’s met with a chorus of “Hi Kurt!”’s. After getting over his initial surprise, he smiles at the various Warblers who have collected in his room.  
“I can get them to leave if you feel like being alone, or if you want to sleep, or if you want to talk about anything, or if you just don’t want them here. They just wanted to see you and know how you were so…” Blaine says, walking up to Kurt and taking his boyfriend’s hand. Kurt smiles at how his boyfriend rambles a little and then shakes his head.  
“No, this is okay,” he replies, sitting on his bed. “I hadn’t expected anyone to come visit me.”   
Blaine ignores Kurt’s slightly self-destructive comment and asks, “How was your appointment, Kurt?” Blaine desperately hopes that Kurt’s meeting with the psychiatrist went well. Hopefully Kurt could get better with the help of Dr. Eckenrode.  
“It was okay,” Kurt replies. “Dr. Eckenrode is nice enough, I guess. I’m supposed to go back tomorrow for a psychiatric evaluation. I’m kind of nervous about it actually.” Kurt doesn’t know what a psychiatric evaluation entails. Is it something one could pass or fail? If so, Kurt hopes he passes. Maybe then he won’t have to stay in the hospital for longer than is necessary.   
“You don’t have to be nervous, Kurt. We’ll all support you, no matter what happens,” Wes says, smiling reassuringly at Kurt. “And, just so you know, Sebastian has been rightfully expelled from the Warblers, and I think they may expel him from Dalton completely. The school doesn’t take lightly any kind of bullying, and Sebastian’s verbal abuse towards you is enough for them to expel his boarding privileges, if not more.”  
“Thanks, guys,” Kurt says, smiling at his friends. Before today, he hadn’t realised the capacity of love he had surrounding him. Kurt was so far into his bubble of anxiety and depression that he hadn’t seen the people who had grown to love him at his time at Dalton.  
“We love you, Kurt,” says Trent, smiling at his friend. The rest of the Warblers nod their ascent before a nurse enters telling them that visiting hours are over.  
-/-  
PTSD. That’s what Dr. Eckenrode tells Kurt he has. At first, Kurt is terrified, but then he’s relieved. Not because he has post-traumatic stress disorder, but because he now knows why he feels the way he does. He now knows why his nightmares are reoccurring and he has flashbacks and feels the neverending anxiety he does. Dr. Eckenrode prescribed him an anti-depressant. He’s not so enthused about that, but he knows that it will help him get better.   
For the first time in his life, Kurt actually wants to get better.  
-/-  
Kurt leaves the hospital that weekend. He still gets a week off of school, so he and his dad and Blaine move some of his stuff to his house. Kurt started on his anti-depressant yesterday, and he knows not to expect results so soon, but he wishes they could just start working automatically.   
Burt had broken up with Carole a few months ago, which helped Kurt to feel comfortable about going back to his house. Without the toxic environment that was created by Carole and her son, Kurt feels a little bit better.  
Kurt is anxious about leaving the hospital, even though that’s what he wanted. What if he has a flashback or panic attack and no one is around? At the hospital, even if Blaine or Burt wasn’t there, there was always someone to help him calm down when that happened. He doesn’t want to be triggered by something and have a flashback when he’s all alone.  
He’s also nervous about sleeping in his room alone. This week will be the only time since he came to Dalton that he won’t be sleeping in the same room as Blaine. What will happen when he has a nightmare? He doesn’t want to bother his dad in the middle of the night, but he knows he can’t do this alone.  
Kurt pushes his anxieties to the back of his mind as Blaine walks in his house holding a cake. He sets it on the table and smiles at Kurt proudly. Kurt looks at the cake on his table, mildly confused as to why it’s there. It has no words on it, instead there’s an intricate design of Kurt’s favorite musical, Wicked. He smiles at his boyfriend before inquiring as to why Blaine brought a cake to his house.  
“We’re celebrating Kurt!” Blaine says giving his boyfriend a hug. “I thought it would be nice to have a little ‘welcome, home, Kurt’ celebration because of your return from the hospital. Just the three of us, me, you, and Burt.”   
Kurt smiles at his boyfriend’s antics and gives Blaine a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Blaine. I love you. And thank you for the cake.”  
“I love you, too, Kurt,” Blaine replies, smiling lovingly at Kurt.   
Kurt knows that right now is going to be a little difficult, but he also knows that with the help and support of his friends, his dad, and Blaine, he will be able to get through this. Kurt is beginning to view himself more as a survivor than a victim, and he knows that with time, he will no longer let his PTSD get the best of him. He will no longer let Karofsky rule his life. It’s his time now.  
Kurt’s broken out of his encouraging thoughts when Burt walks into the kitchen, excitedly. “Did I hear something about cake?”  
Both Kurt and Blaine laugh in response before Blaine starts cutting the celebratory cake. Burt walks over next to Blaine and strikes up a conversation with the boy. And looking at this scene, Kurt knows that everything is going to be okay.  
-/-  
A/N: Again, I am sooooo incredibly sorry for the wait! This chapter was hard to get out as it is. I’m thinking there will just be an epilogue and then it’s over. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I’m so sorry for taking so long!!!! Please, please review!


	10. Epilogue

A/N: Hi! So… this is it! I know a lot of you are wondering how I’m gonna close this so quickly, and I know some of you don’t want me to end it this quickly. But I honestly don’t think I could put out more chapters of this story without it feeling repetitive. So, there’s going to be multiple time skips in this chapter and I’m most likely going to put out some one-shots in this verse if you’d all like some :)

Warnings: SMUT (like actual smut)

-/-

Kurt couldn’t believe it. He’s graduating. It’s over. His time in high school, the worst four years of his life… is over. He’s going to Parsons School of Design in New York City with Blaine and he doesn’t think he could be happier. Karofsky is in a juvenile detention center and he hasn’t seen Sebastian since he’d almost killed himself… And life is good.

And today, Kurt, alongside his boyfriend, is graduating. He searches the Dalton auditorium for his father, wondering where Burt could be. It isn’t hard to find him, the only person wearing jeans in a room full of prep school parents, who are probably all lawyers or doctors or whatnot. He waves slightly to his dad, who smiles a big, toothy grin, before Dalton’s principal steps up to the podium to begin the ceremony.

It’s all rather long and boring, Blaine thinks to himself as he sits in the Dalton auditorium in his graduation cap and gown. He just wants to graduate already and get it over with. The sooner he and Kurt end this stage of their lives, the better. And Blaine has something planned for Kurt at his family gathering to celebrate his graduation and he’s rather excited for that, too.

When Kurt hears his name called to walk up and receive his diploma, he feels like he’s flying. He shakes the principal’s hand and then gets his diploma, pauses for a picture, and then gets back to his seat. It feels like he was on stage for an hour when in reality it probably wasn’t even a minute, but he doesn’t care. Kurt can’t stop smiling. At the beginning of his senior year, Kurt hadn’t expected to live past December and now look at him. He’s a high school graduate. The smile doesn’t leave Kurt’s face until well after the day is over.  

Later during the evening, Blaine takes Kurt into his room, sitting down on his boyfriend’s bed, fiddling with his hands. “Kurt, I know that we’re only high school graduates and we have our entire lives ahead of us, and some people say this may be too early, but I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me,” Blaine smiles as he sees Kurt nod and reaches into his back pocket to receive the ring he had bought earlier in the week. 

Blaine kneels down in front of Kurt and chuckles a little when he hears a sharp intake of breath from his boyfriend. “I’m not proposing yet; we’re way too young for that and I know you’re too sensible to even let me, but I’d like to present you this ring as a token of my love and dedication for you. Kurt, you are the love of my life, and by taking this ring, which hopefully you will, we both promise to spend the rest of our lives with each other. This ring is a promise of our dedication to each other and a promise of the rest of our lives. I may not be proposing yet, but let it be known that I do plan on it in the future, if you’ll let me.”

“Of course, Blaine!” Kurt exclaims, holding out his hand for his boyfriend to put his promise ring on. “I love you so much. I’m honored that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like me.”

“Kurt, you’re amazing. Of course I’d want to grow old with you,” Blaine says, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. “I love you.”

-/-

5 years later:

This is it. The day Kurt Hummel becomes Kurt Anderson-Hummel. The day he’s been waiting for since his graduation ceremony at age 18 and his then boyfriend, now fiance, gave him the promise of his love in the form of a ring. 

Of course it hasn’t all been sunshine and daisies. There have been some rough patches. Kurt’s recovery has been a long, hard road to travel and he still struggles sometimes, but Blaine is always there to catch him when he falls. He still sees a therapist, this time in New York, once a month, or when needed if he’s feeling particularly shaky. And sometimes he and Blaine fight, as every couple does. But at the end of they day, they always make it out together, and never go to be angry.

Kurt exhales a long breath waiting for the wedding music to start playing. He and Blaine have chosen a beautiful venue, at a small indoor garden site where they’re both waiting before starting from opposite ends of the hall before they meet and walk down the aisle together. They haven’t seen each other since their parting last night, and Kurt is feeling anxious, but ecstatic.

He’s taken out of his thoughts when he hears the first chords of Wedding March start to play. He ignores his anxieties and starts walking towards his future. When he catches his first glance of Blaine his feelings all whoosh out of him and the only thing that’s left is the overflowing emotion of unadulterated love. Kurt almost stops dead in his tracks, but doesn’t and soon is meeting his fiance in the middle of the aisle and linking arms with Blaine. 

When Blaine catches his first glance of Kurt he swears his heart stops for a moment. His soon-to-be-husband is the most beautiful man he has ever seen in his life. He doesn’t look much different than usual, but he has such a glow of happiness surrounding him that Blaine can’t help but start tearing up a little. And when he first links arms and touches his fiance since last night, it feels like the first time he and Kurt had ever touched, and it feels amazing.

The ceremony goes by quickly, but it’s perfect. The boys had both written their own vows and not a single eye was left dry afterwards. The ring ceremony strayed from the traditional as it was a transfer of Kurt and Blaine’s promise rings to each other to their wedding bands. The boys may have gotten slightly carried away with their first kiss as husbands, but no one really minded. 

The first dance at the ceremony was Kurt’s favorite part of the day. He and Blaine danced to Come What May and Kurt felt like he was soaring over the highest mountain tops as he felt the arms of his husband wrapped tightly around him as they sway to the music. “I will love you forever,” Blaine says softly to his husband as the song comes to an end.

“As will I, my dear Blaine,” says Kurt, leaning in to give Blaine a kiss on the lips.

-/-

Kurt and Blaine are heavily making out after they get home from the wedding ceremony. Both boys’ shirts are discarded on the floor of their two-story New York apartment and hands are traveling and exploring each others’ bodies. 

Kurt is sucking a nice hickey onto Blaine’s chest and toying with one of his husband’s nipples when his hands stray to the zipper of Blaine’s dress pants. He’s not nearly as touchy with the concept of sex anymore, and he and Blaine have even moved on to giving and receiving blow jobs and partaking in ‘frottage,’ but they’ve never done anything more than that. Blaine is happy with what he gets, as long as Kurt is comfortable.

“Blaine, I think I’m ready,” Kurt says, sensuously taking his husband’s pants off. “I want to be in you. If you want that.”

Blaine moans at the words coming from his lover’s mouth and kisses Kurt passionately. “Please, Kurt,” Blaine says in answer. Kurt quickly rids himself of his pants and underwear and does so with Blaine’s as well. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” Blaine says, kissing Kurt on the mouth, slowly easing his tongue inside before breaking off the kiss, enjoying the blush on his lover’s face.

Kurt trails kisses down Blaine’s body, paying special attention to all of Blaine’s pleasure spots, eventually taking his husband’s cock into his mouth. Blaine groans as Kurt starts bobbing up and down on his cock, entwining his fingers into Kurt’s soft hair, pulling slightly. Kurt hums around the appendage in his mouth, sending sparks of pleasure up Blaine’s spine. “Yes, baby, just like that,” Blaine encourages Kurt, keening.

Still indulging Blaine’s cock, Kurt moves a hand around to Blaine’s backside, teasingly encircling a finger around Blaine’s hole. With Blaine’s eager moan, Kurt takes his mouth off of Blaine’s cock and reaches for the lube in his and Blaine’s nightstand, forgoing a condom as they both know they’re clean. Kurt kisses Blaine as he generously applies lube to his fingers. Then he focuses on pleasuring his beautiful husband. 

Kurt places kisses on the inside of Blaine’s thighs before circling his index finger around Blaine’s hole once again. With a loud moan from his lover, Kurt gently presses one finger into the man before him. “Tell me if I hurt you, okay, baby?” He asks,  wanting to make sure he never hurts Blaine in the process of making love to him. 

Blaine nods and then replies with a guttural moan and a “Please, baby, more.” Kurt starts  moving his finger in and out of his lover, before adding a second and eventually a third. He scissors his fingers inside his love, stretching him to prepare him for what’s next. When Blaine yells out in pleasure, Kurt knows he’s found his husband’s prostate and smiles lovingly up at the man before him.

“Please, Kurt, I’m ready,” Blaine says needily. Kurt nods and lubes up his cock, placing it at the entrance of Blaine’s hole.

“Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” Kurt says, one last time. When Blaine nods, he pushes in, slowly breaching the ring of muscles around his cock. Kurt moans loudly as the feelings of being inside the love of his life overwhelm him. “God, baby, you feel amazing.”

Blaine nods, speechless with the feeling of being so full, filled by his husband. Kurt waits until Blaine nods before slowly starting to thrust in and out of his lover. At Blaine’s approval he starts going faster and harder, eagerly making love to Blaine. When Blaine wraps his legs around Kurt’s waist with one thrust, burying his husband deeper within himself, Kurt hits his prostate and Blaine cries out “Yes! Right there, again!”

So Kurt hits that spot every time, going harder than before as well. When he feels himself getting close, Kurt wraps his hand around Blaine’s neglected cock, pumping three times before his husband comes. Watching the love of his life come undone, Kurt lets himself come, crying out as he does so.

“I’m so ready to spend the rest of our lives together,” Blaine says as Kurt pulls out and lays down next to his husband. “I love you so much.”

Kurt kisses his husband once more, ready for whatever obstacles life throws at him in the future. As long as he’s next to this man, nothing can bring him down. “I love you, too.”

-/-

A/N: So…………. that’s it! SORRY I’M SO BAD AT WRITING SMUT… I know, my smut is really awkward, but that’s how I wanted to end this story, with a cliche first time. Sorry I took so long… I hope you liked it :)

I’m planning some one-shots for this story (Kurt’s first time bottoming, the proposal, kid stuff, stuff like that) so if you have any prompts, go ahead and leave em with me :)

Thank you so, so, so much for reading! This is the first fic I’ve ever finished writing, so I really appreciate those of you who have chosen to stick with it <3

Goodbye for now, Nicole 


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